Tony was exactly where he wanted to be. It was familiar territory and he knew all the secret passages. He knew what Claire liked and what made her feel good. He knew that when his teeth nipped her hard nipples, she would arch her back and pull him tightly to her breast. He knew when her nails clenched his shoulders and words became difficult for her to articulate, she was only moments away from the throes of ecstasy. He also knew that as the night progressed, she’d be willing to take this renewal beyond the confines of the king-sized bed. Against the wall, across the desk or in the shower were all acceptable alternatives.
Although Tony would’ve liked to accept full credit for the heights they achieved, Claire was not an innocent bystander. Her confidence and independence were not limited to verbal retorts. Her boldness both surprised and satiated him. At one point, Tony questioned who was claiming whom. Remembering her words, Tony, you are mine and nobody else’s, he acquiesced; he’d met his match.
Perhaps he’d helped to create the woman before him. At one time he’d wanted nothing more than to subdue, control, and dominate her. How could he have been so wrong? While she was gone, his life was empty. Yes, there were things and money—none of that mattered. None of it held a candle to the way her words touched him, or the sensation of her tongue on his neck, her lips upon his skin, or her hands caressing…
She wasn’t only an amazing lover, but an amazingly strong woman who’d found a voice and was willing to speak to him like no other. Yet she would also allow him reticent and genteel in the presence of others. It was more than he’d ever imagined, more than he deserved.
When they finally submitted to sleep, no need was left unfulfilled. As his head settled against the soft pillow and Claire nestled against his chest, Tony wrapped his arm around her shoulder and allowed his body to relax. For now, she was safe and they were together. When her breathing slowed and her warm, sexy body melted into the crook of his arm, Tony inhaled her amazing aroma and closed his eyes.
For the first time in nearly a week, Anthony Rawlings fell into a deep sleep.
Chapter Seventeen
We said we would trust—Late Summer 2013
(Truth—Chapters 55 thru 58)
Sometimes the strongest among us are the ones who smile through silent pain, cry behind closed doors, and fight battles nobody knows about.
—Unknown Author
The first mailing to arrive at the estate addressed to Claire Nichols Rawls was a card, congratulating them on their impending parenthood. The card wasn’t signed, the address was typed, and the return address was Cedar Rapids—too close for comfort. Tony’s security team intercepted the card based on the unfamiliar name. Other than the name, there was no obvious threat; nevertheless, Tony met with his security team and household staff. Everyone was to be on the lookout for anything suspicious, and any such item was to be brought directly to him. Claire was not to be burdened.
It wasn’t a matter of hiding the truth from Claire; the way Tony saw it, he was protecting her—just as he’d promised to do. After the deliveries in California, Tony wanted Claire to feel safe. Though her laptop had not been found, he and Catherine had done everything possible to facilitate her sense of security, including maintaining Clay as Claire’s full-time bodyguard.
Though Claire tried to act strong, the attack bothered her more than she wanted to admit. She’d even fooled Tony, until one night in late June when he realized she wasn’t in bed. He scanned the large room and noticed the drapes amiss. Slipping quietly onto the private patio, Tony found Claire wrapped in the pink robe. Despite the warm summer night, she was hugging her midsection, shivering uncontrollably, and staring out into the sky. When he silently approached from behind, she jumped at his touch.
“O-oh, Tony, I didn’t hear you.” Her dampened cheeks revealed her hidden tears.
“What is it? Are you all right? Is the baby—”
She leaned into his embrace and nodded. “We’re fine.” The shuddering of her shoulders told another story. “I didn’t mean to wake you. I’ll be better soon.”
Cupping her chin, he pulled her gaze upward. “What do you mean you’ll be better soon? What’s happening?” When she didn’t answer, he asked, “Has this happened before?”
Nodding, she replied, “I-I see him… it’s like he’s right here… I feel like I can’t breathe… sometimes it’s like…” Her words faded behind her sobs muffled by the cotton of his shirt.
For the longest time, Tony held her tightly under the starry Iowa sky, as she trembled against his chest. Eventually, her cries lessened and the quaking subsided. “Can we go back to bed?” he asked.
Claire nodded.
Once they were settled, she confessed to recurring nightmares. Tony couldn’t imagine. He’d only had his dream that seemed too real once, and she’d been battling these almost nightly. Hugging her, Tony asked, “Do you feel safe right now, here with me?”
Claire nodded against his chest. “I do. Now I do.”
He pleaded, “Then let me help you, please. Don’t try to fight him alone. I told you before that I wanted to kill the bastard myself. Please, Claire, let me help you do that. We’ll kill that memory together. He took too much from you and could have taken much more, from both of us. Together, we won’t let him take any more—not even your sleep. Please let me protect you.”
Her tears once again dampened his t-shirt. “I love you,” she whispered.
He kissed her hair. “I love you, too.” They fell asleep.
Though the nightmares continued, with time their frequency and intensity began to wane, and Claire’s sense of comfort around the estate continued to grow. She began acclimating herself in ways she’d never done when she lived there before. One of her favorite pastimes seemed to be gardening. They had multiple gardens, and Tony often found her outside in the sun, tending to the small plants. It wasn’t that he wanted her to work, yet the pleasure she derived from the activity was obvious. He wondered why she hadn’t done that when they were married. With her hands and knees covered in dirt, and a glow of perspiration, her smile brightened his world. Tony loved how when he’d get home from work, she’d drag him from flowerbed to flowerbed, explaining the different plants and telling him about their sun and moisture requirements. Although the flowers had always been present, without Claire he hadn’t noticed them.
One Saturday afternoon while he was working from home, through his office window Tony saw Claire at the pool. Suddenly, his work paled in importance. He slipped to their room, donned his bathing suit, and joined her in the cool, clear water. Each act, whether gardening or swimming, reinforced Claire’s increased level of comfort. With her hand in his, he noticed the dark evidence of her recent activity under her fingernails and teased, “I think you need a manicure after all of this manual labor.”
Giggling, Claire pulled her hand away. “I wasn’t planning on having anyone look that closely. Besides, I haven’t had a chance to shower yet.”
“Now that sounds intriguing!” He watched as his innuendo turned her expression sultry.