Jesus! Was there ever going to be a point when Harlow put herself first? “What about your need for some support?”
“I got it once I got back here. My mom was there for me,” she replied calmly. “I was fine physically. The doctor assured me that I’d done nothing wrong to cause the miscarriage, that they were common in the first trimester, and that there was no reason I couldn’t have a child someday.”
“But?” I prodded gently.
“But there was still an emptiness that took a while to go away,” she responded softly. “Looking back, I’m sure it was grief and sadness after a whole series of shocks, but I did get through it, Jax. It just took me a while to trust anyone again.”
“Not exactly surprising after what happened,” I assured her.
I had to wonder if Harlow had any idea how strong she was, or how amazing it was that she was resilient enough to go through something bad and come out of it without any bitterness.
Her eyes met mine as she said earnestly. “I really am sorry for being an idiot last night. I made peace with that part of my life a long time ago. I didn’t know some of those insecurities were still buried. Maybe it would have been different if I’d had an intimate relationship again before we met.”
Oh, hell no. I was all good with her having a little meltdown. Thinking about some other guy helping her through her sexual insecurities didn’t sit well with me. At all. “You aren’t an idiot, and any insecurities you have are fine as long as you talk to me. I can’t help you if you don’t talk to me.”
She shook her head. “You’re such an amazing man. I have no idea why some woman hasn’t snatched you up by now.” She held up a hand. “And don’t start trying to tell me all of your faults again. I know about all your flaws, and they’re nothing compared to all of your good qualities. All of the wonderful things about you were always there, Jax. You just never let anyone see them.”
Maybe because no woman has ever wanted to see me. Until Harlow.
“I think I’d be okay with letting you call me a nice guy now,” I confessed, wanting to lighten the conversation. “As long as you think I’m hot, too.”
She snorted. “I think you’re both, and you should know that after last night.”
“I do, but a guy likes to hear that shit,” I informed her with a grin.
Harlow started dropping perfectly made pieces of French toast onto a plate as she said wryly, “I’ll try to make sure that you’re always aware of your hotness.”
I grinned broader. “You can just show me really often,” I offered as I dropped a kiss on her bare shoulder.
“Oh, no, you don’t,” she said as she pointed her spatula at the full plate. “You’re eating right now. Take that plate and move that incredibly perfect body away from me before you get more than you bargained for, mister.”
“I think I’d like that,” I informed her as I moved her hair and kissed her neck.
“You can like it later,” she said sternly. “Eat your food before it gets cold.”
“What about you?” I asked as I got out some butter and syrup before I plopped onto one of the stools at the breakfast bar.
“Mine is almost done. Don’t wait for me. Eat before it gets cold.”
I slathered butter on my French toast, and piled on some syrup.
Harlow took the seat next to me with her plate a few minutes later.
“I’m really excited about volunteering for Last Hope,” she told me as she started to eat. “And I’ll actually be happy to get back to Montgomery. Thank you for not accepting my resignation. I would have regretted it later.”
I reached for the mug of coffee I’d brewed for myself before Harlow had come downstairs. “I know. That’s why Hudson and I didn’t accept it. Not to mention the fact that you’d be dangerous if you’d eventually gone to a competitor.”
While that wasn’t the main reason we’d tried to keep her at Montgomery, it was true. Harlow had made some valuable contributions to our company with her research, and she was way too intelligent to be working somewhere else.
“So you just wanted to keep me for my research skills?” she asked jokingly.
“No,” I replied honestly. “I think I had my own ulterior motives that I didn’t want to admit at the time, but it was a consideration. I wasn’t like Hudson and I didn’t understand how much you’d been through or that you were making that decision due to guilt.”
“When can I go back?” she asked. “I had some important projects happening. I’d like to get back to them.”
“When you feel like you can handle it,” I said. “You’ve been through hell, Harlow. Take some time to take care of yourself before you worry about Montgomery.”
I had a feeling she’d be back in the lab this afternoon if I let her, and that wasn’t going to happen. She’d barely started to take her life back. She wasn’t ready for a high pressure job right now.
“I’m better, Jax, and I’m getting bored. I’m not used to being unproductive,” she argued.
“Maybe after the holidays,” I said noncommittally.
“Are you serious? We’re barely beyond Halloween. That’s over two months away. Be reasonable, please,” she said unhappily.
I thought I was being very reasonable. Considering all that Harlow had been through, I actually thought January was too soon.
“That’s as reasonable as I’m going to get,” I warned her.
I never wanted to see Harlow in the shape she’d been in just a short time ago. If she pushed herself to go back to work too soon, the progress she’d made could easily backslide.
“You’re being a tyrant,” she grumbled. “Honestly, if I have to stare at the walls of my apartment any longer, I’ll lose my mind.”
“Then don’t,” I suggested. “Stay here with me and stare at these walls instead.”
Okay, so that hadn’t been exactly the way I was going to ask her to move in with me, but I guess it worked.
“You’d have the dogs, the pool, the gym, and a lot more space to chill out,” I added.
“I can’t possibly stay here,” she replied. “Jax, we just started a relationship.”
“And we can continue it together here,” I said. “Don’t say no, Harlow. Think about it. I’d miss you like crazy if you weren’t here. We’ve been spending every single evening together for a while now. I’d really like to keep it that way.”