When she’s behind me with shears in hand, she asks, “Are you sure you want me to take off this much? Your hair is gorgeous.”
“I’m sure. I normally wear it shorter.”
“So be it.” Britney runs a brush through my hair, then picks up the first lock, and I hear a snip.
She drops it to the floor and takes another small lock.
Snip.
She repeats it several more times in silence, and I’m almost lulled into a spot where I can think about our upcoming mission when Britney says, “So… you’re the one who got away.”
I jerk so forcefully that my head pulls away from Britney just as I hear another snip, and I know I screwed up that particular clipping.
I lean forward in the chair and turn around to look at her over my shoulder. “Excuse me?”
Britney smiles, warmly and without rancor. “You’re the one who got away from Ladd.”
She says it so matter-of-factly and with such confidence, I’m thinking she’s not guessing.
“Did Ladd tell you that?” I demand.
She shakes her head, her own gorgeous blond locks falling over her shoulders. “Not at all. He only told me he had to go on a mission with a former CIA partner, that it would be dangerous and that he was doing it outside of government oversight. I always knew there was someone he worked with long before I ever came along who had his heart. I’m thinking it’s you.”
“You’re wrong,” I say flatly. “His heart was never mine to keep.”
Britney’s smile does not falter, and her expression is knowing.
Irritating.
“You’re the one who’s wrong,” she says simply. “Ladd may have never told me about you specifically, but he was truthful when we decided to divorce. We went to counseling, and we spoke honestly. He told me there was a woman in his past who ruined him. While that’s not what he or I blamed our divorce on, it played a part in his inability to move forward.”
A wave of guilt crashes over me, and I shrink away from Britney. I’m ashamed that I messed things up for Ladd and this incredibly kind woman.
She waves her hand as if I shouldn’t give any credence to what she just said, and I’m confused all over again. “Those were Ladd’s words,” she explains. “I personally think they were a bit dramatic. You didn’t ruin him at all. Ladd is too strong for that. But he loved you so much, it made it impossible for him to love me to the same extent. We only get one of those people in our lifetimes, I believe.”
She’s talking about soul mates, and I agree with her. There’s only been one for me, and that’s Ladd. Was I the same for him?
The room seems to spin as I try to comprehend what she’s telling me, as I try to process that this virtual stranger appears to know more about my failed relationship with Ladd than I do.
I want to deny every bit of this. I even consider telling her that she has me mistaken for someone else. Giving legitimacy to her words means there might be hope, and I don’t have that within me.
Instead, all I can do is apologize for my actions and the consequences they brought to their marriage. “I’m sorry. I did him wrong, and I didn’t think it would affect anyone other than myself and Ladd.”
Britney shrugs and makes a motion for me to turn around. I do so slowly, and she orders me to scoot back toward her, which I do.
Her tone is light and airy, peppered with humor. “Please don’t think I’m mad at you. Sure, it would be easy to stab you in the neck with these scissors, but truly… I’m an incredibly happy woman. I love my husband, Ben, more than I ever thought it was possible to love a human being. He’s my soul mate, but of course, I still love Ladd.”
My body gives me away with another visible jolt, and Britney admonishes me. “Hold still before I cut you inadvertently.”
She snips at my hair again.
I can’t help myself. “You still love Ladd?”
“Mmm-hmm. I love him because he created Ethan with me. We share parenting responsibilities as a team. I love him because he’s an amazing father to our son. I love him because even though his heart was not meant for me forever, it deserves to be whole and healed. So if there is anything between you two still, I encourage you to act upon it.”
Immediate denial of such a thing causes walls to go up. I want to deny ever even knowing him, and yet here his ex-wife is telling me to try to make something work with a man I hurt all those years ago. It’s impossible. He would never forgive me, and he would never give me a second chance.
And because this woman seems wise in ways I can’t comprehend, I admit, “It’s too late. Too much damage.”
“Bullshit.” Britney cuts another piece of my hair. “If it were too late, that would mean Ladd didn’t care for you. And if he didn’t care for you, there is no way in hell he would be risking his life and leaving our son or me near the time of my delivery to help you. There’s no way he would have gone down there to rescue you in the first place. There were plenty of other capable people to get you out. Ladd cares about you greatly. That is never, ever going to change.”
I’m speechless. She’s ambushed me and created feelings that are both horrific and joyful.
Yet I dare not attempt to hope.
I dare not even make an attempt to do what she suggests, to try to have something with Ladd once again.
While she may think she knows what’s going on, filled with an optimism that might just be part of her inherent character, there is no way I could ever bridge the gap between Ladd and me.
There’s just no way.
CHAPTER 14
Ladd
It took seven and a half hours to get from Pittsburgh to Miami. After I packed my bag, I spent some time with Ethan explaining what was going on. I’m transparent with my kid about what I do for a living, but I only give him age-appropriate information. I also took some time with Britney, thanking her profusely for stepping in to help. I know she’s got a lot on her plate with her impending delivery, but I would not want to leave Ethan with anyone else. I have protective measures set up with Jameson to watch over them both, which will allow me to concentrate on Mejia.
We made it to the Pittsburgh Airport without delay, and it took another hour to board the private jet and get in the air to Miami. We landed, picked up a rental car, and checked into a hotel. Tomorrow we’ll leave bright and early for the two-and-a-half-hour flight to San Salvador.
There should be absolutely no way in hell for Newman or Mejia to know that Greer and I are headed there. It’s near to impossible for them to know we’re in Miami right now, unless they’ve somehow managed to track us magically. We’re comfortable with separate hotel rooms, and that is probably for the best. While I still have conflicted emotions raging through me regarding Greer, sharing a hotel room with her would be disastrous. There’s no way I would be able to look at a bed with her in proximity and not have my thoughts go in a very dirty direction.
Such a mistake to have given in to our desires earlier this week. If my moral fiber were stronger, I would’ve been able to walk away and not have given her a second thought. But my resolve was nonexistent the minute she stepped into my arms, and there was no choice but to fuck her the minute we kissed.