“Um, your breakfast is on the table.”
“Oh, thanks, Maria. I’ll go down soon,” I tell her for the sake of leaving me alone. Once my luggage is ready, I text Zach to come and pick me up, and go downstairs to at least have something in my stomach before returning to Manhattan.
Alone in the backseat, I’m reading a book for one of my online courses, and trying to focus deeply on the content and its meaning. All I want is nothing more than to forget what happened between Alex and I since his arrest. Maybe I should just forget that we are together, that would help tremendously. Yet as I look at my left hand and more precisely at the golden band, it feels quite impossible to do so. I heave a sigh, turn the page and keep reading. Amid the quietness of the car, my iPhone starts ringing and I wince, wondering who is calling me. One thing is sure: it’s definitely not the man who placed that ring on my finger. Taking my iPhone out, I narrow my eyes as I read the name of my caller. Why is Carice calling me out of the blue?
“Yes?” I say as I put the phone against my cheek.
“Petra, I swear I didn’t know Kenneth would do that.”
My brows crease in confusion at her nervousness. “Huh? What do you mean?”
“Oh,” she blurts out. “You haven’t seen the article yet?”
“Which article?” My heart starts thundering anxiously knowing Kenneth published something about me and it seems like it isn’t a good thing.
“Just forget what I said,” Carice presses on. “I thought you knew about the article.”
“I insist. Tell me.” I hear her heaving a sigh on the other side of the line as she considers my request for a moment. “If you don’t, I will Google it and find out, anyway.”
“Okay, fine… I just sent it to you.”
I go and check on my SMS app and find the link to the article. I click on it and the page loads with the following headline:
“Exclusive Interview: Petra Van Gatt Buries Mother Amidst Husband Being Suspect Number One.”
“Why is this in the New York Post?” I ask immediately, even more troubled that the interview itself was published via an American news outlet. “I thought Kenneth was a Dutch reporter?”
“I think he sold the story to the highest bidder.” She sounds sincere and her assumption makes sense, meaning I can’t assume she’s lying. After all, the whole interview was in English and he didn’t even bother to ask me if we could do it in Dutch. “Petra… I truly didn’t know he would do that.”
While I know Carice is talking to me, I can’t help scroll down the article, which has plenty of headshots of Alex, myself, and the funeral. Then there’s the video with my interview and I feel tempted to watch it. I might regret it afterwards, but I have to check what she is so upset about. I press play and start watching the video. After a few minutes in, Kenneth asks the first question I didn’t want him to.
“Your husband is currently suspect number one of your mom’s homicide. Do you think he or his family have anything to do with it?”
Holy shit! And to my biggest shock, it’s not even my own answer that follows up, but an edited one! “Of course, but I’m not going to discuss the legal circumstances regarding my husband.”
I can’t believe it! They cut the part where I said of course from my previous answer and put it right before I tell them I won’t answer it! What a fucking joke this guy is! I can’t believe it! I don’t even have the original interview with me to show Alex the truth! I know I’d have never said of course to this question, that I’m sure. This is fake and edited! My mind is no longer focused on the interview, but on Alex and I wonder if he already saw it or not. “Does Alex know about it?”
“Um, well…” Carice mumbles, quite undecided whether to say the rest or not. “He’s the one who told me about the article.”
“Fuck,” I blurt out, already picturing him hating me right now. With the entire PR team he has at Gatt-Dieren, no wonder they are scanning everything about him. He must have been so disappointed in seeing this.
“Petra, I swear I didn’t know Kenneth would do that. I remember perfectly how you insisted about not wanting to talk about the case or your in-laws, and I said that to your husband, by the way.”
“Alright, thank you,” I say. “I will talk to him now.” And without further ado, I hang up.
I don’t know if Alex will pick up his phone or not, but it’s worth trying. The ringtone goes on and on…
“Hello?” I say as I hear someone breathing on the other side of the line. “Alex?”
“It’s about the interview, isn’t it?”
The disappointment in his voice petrifies me. Yet, all I can do is swallow the lump in my throat, and tell him the truth. “Look, I understand I gave you plenty of reasons to not trust me. But when it comes to this interview, I swear on everything you want, I never said a word against you or your family. Especially not to the public. My answers have been edited.” And I make sure to insist on the latter.
“I trust you on this.”
My jaw drops at his answer. He said only four little words, yet they are enough to warm my heart and make me smile.
“I know the media very well, that’s why we have a team monitoring the content they publish about us on a daily basis.” I heave a sigh, released at his rational attitude. “I called Carice because I know she was the one who arranged the interview. Kenneth is known for hating my family and has spent a big part of his career trashing on us.”
“Wow,” I utter at the revelation. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know about that, otherwise he’d have never set foot at the funeral.” As I come to think about Kenneth and his hate to the Van Dierens, I ask, “But why is he so against you all?”
“I don’t know. I guess some people just hate us for being who we are.”
His words resonate through me so perfectly that I’m left slightly nostalgic about how much I like talking to him. I chew my bottom lip, undecided whether to tell him how much I love him, miss him, but instead of all these ridiculous feelings, I simply say, “I understand. Thank you for siding with me on this.” My tone is polite and contained, and that’s how it should be. “I, um, I don’t want to bother you any further. So have a great day.”
“No problem,” he answers, matching my courteous tone. “If you need anything else, just let me know.”
I need you and I need us to be like we used to be, my heart thinks, but my mouth says, “Sure, thank you. Well, have a good one.”
“You too. Bye.”
And we hang up, like two rational adults, as if we weren’t even married. I take a deep breath, looking out of the window. After everything we are going through, are we ever gonna be the couple we used to be? I want to believe so, even if I shouldn’t want to. If Alex is found not guilty, then maybe our relationship still has a shot.
But what if he is found guilty though? What if he is sentenced to imprisonment? Oh gosh, I chase those thoughts away just as fast and bring myself to focus again on my book.
Despite Louise’s premonition that our relationship will lead to nothing more than death and misery, I still want to believe in the precise opposite.