A gush of air rolls off her lips, and after considering me, she finally uncrosses her arms. “Did Eric tell you about the report?”
I frown at her question. “What do you mean?” I ask like I know nothing.
“He dropped the police report and won’t use it in court or show it to Jan.”
A million questions come to my mind, but as I want to get to know her side of the story, I simply ask, “Why?”
“Well, one of his mentors was at the ceremony and we caught him with a few girls––all minors––so he asked Eric to drop it as a favor to save his ass.”
“Oh my gosh!” While Eric told me his friend was caught in a “compromising situation” I never thought it was something like that. “How do you know all that?”
“I helped Yara catch him,” she says. All of a sudden, I smile up to my ears, thinking about an eventual reality. “So wait—that’s why you were participating in that ceremony?”
“Yeah, of course,” she replies promptly. “I mean, I had to play along, you know.”
I wonder if she’s telling me the truth or not, but I proceed nevertheless, “And, um, you and Yara…” Emma raises her brows, reveling in my uneasiness to tackle such a private matter. “Are you together?”
“We are just close friends,” she tells me, even though I’m not really convinced. After all, if Alex didn’t want to answer my question with a big resounding no, it’s because it wasn’t a negative answer to begin with.
Stepping closer, I open my arms wide and give her a hug. “Emma, I’m so relieved to know that. I thought Yara was grooming you to force you into that cult.”
I release her and Emma just smiles at me in return, most likely wondering if my words carry an underlying meaning or not. And I truly hope she’ll give it a thought if she’s indeed having an affair with her.
“Nah, I was just doing her a favor to help your husband out,” she answers, her expression more relaxed than before, but who knows if it’s not a cover up. “Since you are siding with Eric, I couldn’t tell you I was going there.”
“Does Alex know what you and Yara did?” I ask.
“Yeah, of course,” she replies like it’s obvious. Well, not for me. “He didn’t tell you, huh?”
“No, he no longer trusts me,” I disclose, unable to hide my pain as I say those words.
“Well, yeah, you sided with the guy who wants to put him in jail,” she reminds me once more. And I can tell how pissed off she is at me for having made such a decision. “Yara told me you are gonna testify against him in court, is it true?”
“Yeah, I have to fulfill my part of the deal if I want to keep my immunity.”
“Wow,” she utters, shaking her head in disbelief. “That’s insane…” She cuts eye contact, looking down to the floor in order to hide her disapproving expression. “Well, I’m also gonna testify.”
My eyes widen in surprise at her revelation. “Really?”
“But on the defense side,” she adds.
“Of course.” Not knowing what else to say or do, I smile, trying to conceal my astonishment. This is definitely Yara’s request. I can’t imagine Alex asking her directly to testify on his favor.
“Well, um, thanks for coming,” Emma tells me, now that an awkward silence has settled between us. I never thought she’d kick me out of her house like that, and yet, here we are. She still seems to be holding a grudge against me for siding with the prosecution and I guess she’ll need some time to digest it.
“If you need anything I’m here, okay?” I say, giving her another hug in the hopes that she will forgive me soon.
“I know.”
Manhattan, February 25, 2021
Petra Van Gatt
To my surprise, Alex has finally accepted my invitation to have dinner together. Since we came back from Venice, he’d always arrive at the condo so late that I had already eaten. And yet this time, for some reason, he didn’t try to find an excuse when I called him and asked him to have dinner with me. I didn’t give him much of a choice either, since I told him Maria was preparing dinner for the two of us and she was expecting us to dine together. Maybe it’s because we have the prenatal appointment tomorrow with Mariana that he decided to accept, or maybe because it was Maria's request. Despite all my excitement, the vibe between us has been colder than the weather in Antartica.
I might be sitting in front of him, but it feels like there’s a wall in the middle of the table. Dinner has been quiet, so damn quiet that I find it infuriating. Alex, on the other hand, seems to be totally unbothered that we haven’t been talking and keeps cutting and eating his food like I’m not even here.
Trying to find a subject of conversation, I say, “I’m glad Eric dropped my mom’s report.”
All of a sudden, Alex looks up at me, his lips in a straight line. “Was it him who told you that?”
“Yeah, he thought I was behind the whole blackmailing his friend thing,” I tell him, before forking another bite of food.
“I see,” he mumbles pensively as his gaze drifts down to his plate. Alex doesn’t say anything further and keeps his attention on his meal.
After a few more seconds of silence, I ask, “It’s Yara who blackmailed him, isn’t it?”
“I’m not talking about it with you,” he grits. Then he puts another bite in his mouth, and after swallowing it through, he adds, “As I mentioned before, our discussions will be limited to your pregnancy and that’s it. So don’t bother trying to get anything from me.”
His freezing tone chills my bones and paralyzes me on the spot. I look down at my plate, feeling humiliated at his words. I don’t find the will to say anything else. I’m just deeply hurt by his constant cold and distant attitude toward me. The rest of the dinner proceeds in silence and I suppose this is exactly how he intended it to be.
Chapter 18
Manhattan, February 26, 2021
Petra Van Gatt
Staring out the window of the car, it’s easy to let my mind wander and zone out. The rainbow of cars flashing by on the shining wet streets, combined with the lack of music on the radio, and Alex’s constant silence is making me sleepy despite the anxiety roiling inside of me. Since Matt had taken me to the last appointment, the idea of Alex being with me this time is making me even more nervous. Since he came back home, he’s always been on his guard, barely saying so much as a word to me. It’s such a weird relationship. I wonder if we will ever come back to what we used to be, if he will ever smile in my presence willingly again.
Heaving a long sigh, I lean my head against the cool window and close my eyes, focusing on the little lives growing inside of me. If they are okay, then I will be okay, no matter what. Alex or no Alex.
Still…
It’s hard for me to not imagine what I wish this trip was like instead of the harsh reality. In my fantasy, Alex is holding my hand and dragging his thumb over my knuckles for reassurance. He holds me close on the way into the building and strokes my hair during the ultrasound.