At least…that’s the way they’d left it when they last discussed it.
But…it definitely wasn’t what he wanted.
“Okay, I think that’s everything,” she said breathlessly, before flopping down beside him on the sofa. “I can’t believe how much stuff I accumulated in a just a few weeks!”
His entire family had gotten gifts for her, which was a surprise to find under his mother’s tree earlier. Gage loved how much his sisters had gone out of the way to do something like that for Hannah and he had to admit it went a long way in helping him get over his annoyance with them over their previous matchmaking attempts.
“Are you sure you don’t mind me taking your suitcase? I could just use some of those grocery bags…”
“Hannah, we’ve been over this. It’s not a big deal and you can give it back to me when I get home.”
Sighing, she let her head fall back against the cushions. “I might have to give it to Shawna to give to you if you aren’t back before…”
There was his opening.
Twisting in his seat, he faced her. “Okay, we need to talk.”
The sheer panic on her face should have stopped him, but he knew he’d end up kicking himself forever if he didn’t speak up.
“Gage, I…”
But he wasn’t going to be deterred. Reaching out, he took one of her hands in his. “I just…I need you to let me say this, okay?”
She nodded, but he could tell she would much rather argue about it.
“The night we got stuck in that elevator changed everything for me–not just because you gave me a way to survive the holidays with my family trying to fix me up with anyone and everyone, but simply because of you.” He paused and let that part sink in before he continued.
“I couldn’t stop thinking about you and cursed myself for letting you get out of the elevator without getting your phone number or at least asking you out on a proper date.”
Blushing, she started to relax. “I thought about that too,” she quietly admitted.
“When you volunteered to help me and…be mine for the holidays, I didn’t know what to expect. I knew what I wanted, but I also wasn’t sure it would happen.”
“What did you want?” Her voice was even softer than it was a minute ago.
“This. You. All of it.” Swallowing hard, he continued. “You were right when you said we knew more about each other than we knew about some of our friends because we had hours with nothing to do but talk. I shared things with you that night that I definitely never shared with anyone else and I knew that meant something.”
She gently tried to pull her hand free, but Gage held on.
“And the night of your company Christmas party pretty much confirmed what I was feeling. This wasn’t just going to be a fake relationship for me. It was real, Hannah. All of it.”
“But…”
“You can’t tell me that this has all been for show,” he interrupted, unwilling to stop. “Maybe some of the stuff in front of the other residents or maybe in front of my family at first, but what we have and what we do when we’re alone and no one is looking, that’s not pretend. I kiss you because I want to kiss you and I make love with you because…because we both want to. I can’t look at you without wanting you. I know that you have this thing with your job and I know it’s not ideal, but…I don’t think quitting and moving away is really what you want.”
“What? How can you even say that? You know…”
“I know what I saw at that company party. I saw how much every person there adores and respects you. I saw how much they all hated the situation. I’m not saying it’s right and I’m not saying you have to be happy about it, but…maybe you don’t have to act so rashly. So, you got passed up on this job. That doesn’t mean something even better won’t come along–one that doesn’t have you packing up and moving away!”
“Gage, you don’t understand. There’s more to it than that.”
“Is there? Because I think you got your feelings hurt and the fact that you played by the rules and someone else didn’t really ticked you off. I saw the way your boss looked, and it genuinely seemed like her hands were tied. I think if there had been another job ready to go, you would have gotten it.”
“I get that, but either way–whether I stay with Avery or not–I’m not going to be staying in Raleigh. The alternative to Chicago is taking that temp job in Tennessee! Then I’m traveling back and forth and honestly, that’s not what I want either.”
“Do you want to stay in Raleigh?” he asked, fighting some frustration.
“You know I do.”
Actually, he didn’t, but…
“Then what about branching out on your own? I know we kind of talked about this, but you never really seemed to give me a firm answer.”
For a moment she only stared at him and he could tell he wasn’t the only one who was frustrated and knew he was messing this up in a big way.
“Okay, scratch that because that’s not the point of what I’m trying to say here.”
This time when she tried to pull her hand free, he let her.
“Hannah, I don’t want you to go…not tomorrow morning all by yourself to Raleigh, and not to move away for a job. I think what we have here is something special and it could be utterly amazing if we weren’t dealing with a damn ticking clock!” He let out a shaky breath because it was time to go big. “My heart has never felt this full before. Everything we’ve shared since getting stuck has been like…like…like I had been waiting for my life to begin and then there you were. Being up here in Evergreen and sharing Christmas with you has been like a dream, and I think we owe it to ourselves not to let this go. I don’t want to just say goodbye and watch you walk away. Please don’t make me. I love you.”
He watched as she took several of her own shaky breaths before she finally spoke.
“I really wish we had met sooner,” she began quietly, and Gage knew right then and there that he’d lost her. “I’m really good at multitasking–usually. In business, it’s a necessity. But if I have to deal with either doing the long-distance thing or traveling back and forth on the weekends or starting a new business…none of those things are conducive to being happy–at least not for me. I know I’d end up disappointing you and then we’d both be miserable and I won’t do that to you. You don’t deserve that.” After a long sigh, she gave him a sad smile. “You deserve to be happy...probably more than any person I’ve ever met.”
“You make me happy,” he told her earnestly. “I know the current situation isn’t perfect, but…you wouldn’t disappoint me. You couldn’t. I just want to be with you.”
But she was shaking her head. “Trust me. I’d disappoint you. It’s better for me to go and for us to sort of let this Christmas be…a wonderful memory.”
Gage refused to believe that she truly felt this way. No one is that good of an actress.
Leaning back, he raked both hands through his hair as something she just said stood out.
I know I’d end up disappointing you.