“What?”
“Don’t let your guilt make you forget who he really was.”
That’s easy for him to say…he wasn’t responsible for his death.
My steps accelerate as we head out the back door.
The last show of the week ended twenty minutes ago and I’m fucking exhausted. The second I get on the bus, I’m sleeping till we get to Kansas.
“Tonight was a good show,” Chandler remarks.
Next to me, Storm nods. “Yeah, Memphis’s solo was absolute fire.”
“Nah, man,” Memphis says behind us. “Yours stole the show tonight.”
Storm slaps my back. “And let’s not forget the way Phoenix obliterated his rendition of ‘Down with the Sickness.’”
“George was awesome, too,” Lennon chimes in.
No one says shit.
We’re about to get on the bus, but the security guard stops us.
“There’s a woman in there who specifically requested to see you two tonight.”
Storm looks at me.
“If it’s Megan Fox, I call dibs. You know I got that MILF fantasy.”
I’m pretty sure security is fucking with us right now because all I see when we walk up the steps is a short woman with gray hair wearing a long flowery dress and orthopedic shoes.
Memphis nudges Storm. “How about a cougar fantasy?”
Storm opens his mouth to respond, but the woman turns around. “I prefer GILF.”
We all break out in smiles—aside from Storm who’s now cringing—as we realize the GILF in question is none other than Grams.
Memphis pushes past us so he can give her a hug. “Hey, Grams. How’s Bermuda?”
“Bermuda is fine.” She fans herself. “So are the men.”
Storm groans. “Come on, Grams. Don’t start.”
She opens her mouth, but her stare snags on Skylar, who runs over to hug her next.
Grams cups her face in her hands. “How you holding up, sweet pea?”
A heavy silence falls over the bus.
Skylar gives her a smile that doesn’t quite reach her eyes. “I’m hanging in there. How are you, Grams?”
She pops a hand on her hip. “I’m fabulous. Got me a younger man.”
Now Skylar’s smile is genuine. “Oh. Spill the tea, sister.”
“I met him on one of them dating apps. He ain’t much of a looker, but Lord have mercy. Thank heavens for those little blue pills.”
Storm looks like he’s gonna be sick. “For fuck’s sake, Grams.”
She wags a finger at him. “You mind your tongue. Sex is healthy.” Her gaze flicks to Chandler. “You taking care of my boys?”
Chandler salutes her. “Yes, ma’am.”
“You better be—” Whatever she was going to say falls by the wayside when she spots Lennon behind me. “Oh, my word.”
Lennon gives her a shy smile. “Hi.”
“Don’t you hi me, young lady,” Grams chides as she opens her arms wide. “Get over here.”
Lennon doesn’t waste another second, and neither does Grams. The moment their hug ends, she’s fawning all over her. “Well, look at you. And then the caterpillar turned into a butterfly.”
Lennon’s cheeks redden due to all the attention. Fortunately for her, Grams shifts her focus to me.
“I’m glad you finally pulled your head out of your ass and got your girl back.” Finger wag. “I told you she was a keeper.”
George clears his throat and sticks out his hand. “Hi, I’m George. Pleasure to meet you.”
She shakes it. “Hello, dear. You must be one of the new roadies. Would you be a peach and grab my bags? They’re still outside.”
“I’ll do it,” I quickly offer since I’d do anything in the world for the woman.
Plus, I could use a breather.
By the time I come back in with her bags, everyone is discussing sleeping arrangements.
Given there are only six bunks, one bedroom, and now eight of us—we need to figure out where everyone’s gonna crash.
“Lennon can sleep with me,” George says, which earns him a confused look from Grams and a murderous one from me.
Over my dead body.
“Gram’s is taking Chandler’s room. Chandler is taking my bunk, and I’m sleeping on the couch in the lounge.”
Now that that’s settled, I make my way to Chandler’s bedroom so I can drop off Gram’s luggage.
She ambushes me the moment it hits the floor.
“Regardless of your aversion to romantic relationships, you never struck me as the type to share.”
One of the things I love most about Gram’s is that she doesn’t mince words.
That’s not the case right now.
“I’m not sharing Lennon.”
She arches a brow. “Well, considering he still has a pulse, I assume she’s his then.”
Anger laced with bitterness is a virulent cocktail in my veins.
I stalk toward the door. “Night, Grams.”
She grabs hold of my arm. “Still pushing the people who care about you away, I see. How’s that working out for you, baby?”
Just fine.
She cradles my face, forcing me to look at her. “We all make mistakes, Phoenix. But then we have to do our penance, learn the lesson, and move on.”
That’s not an option.
“Innocent people died. There’s no moving on from that.”
Sadness etches her features. “Yes, there is. It’s called forgiveness.”
“The people I need forgiveness from are dead.”
Except one.
“Then perhaps you need to forgive yourself.”
“I should have died that night.”
At least then the punishment would have fit the crime.
She sighs. “You may as well have, since you’re determined to live in purgatory for the rest of your life.”
“It’s what I deserve.”
No one can tell me otherwise.
“Nobody deserved what happened to them that night. But you’re still here.” She grips my shoulders. “Living like a ghost and punishing yourself day in and day out won’t undo the events of that night.”
“Grams—”
“Life rarely gives you a second chance. You better not screw this up or waste it.”
Too late.
I kiss her cheek. “I’m glad you came to visit. Let me know if you need anything.”
“Phoenix?” she calls out as I’m crossing the threshold.
“Yeah?”
“I see the way that girl still looks at you. We both know she’s not his.”
CHAPTER 43
LENNON
I stuff my pillow over my head as the sound of a passing freight train shakes the bus.
And by freight train? I mean Chandler’s snoring.
Now I understand why he has the bedroom in the back. And why everyone else put in earplugs before they went to bed.
I make a mental note to get a pair of earbuds at the next city since my headphones are too big to sleep with.
I’m debating turning the kitchen table into a bed when my phone vibrates. Assuming George can’t sleep through Chandler’s deafening snoring either and wants to plot out an escape plan, I feel around for it.