“You’re not mad, are you?” she asks, wincing.
“When does she get here?” I ask.
“That’s what I was calling about,” Jana says. “She said she’ll be here in like half an hour.”
“Half an hour?!” I blurt. “You couldn’t give me a little more notice than half an hour?”
“Whatevs,” Jana says. “Just chill, okay? Will you?”
She’s doing her “don’t be a turd in the punch bowl” routine, but I don’t want to hear it.
“When we decided to be roommates,” I start, “we agreed that if your mother was going to stay with us, you’d give me time to make other plans.”
“What’s your thing with my mom, anyway?” Jana asks. “She’s never been anything but nice to you.”
“I never said she wasn’t,” I answer. “You just,” I stammer, “I mean, we’re supposed to communicate about this stuff, you know? Now I have half an hour before your mom gets here? Not cool, Jana.”
“I promise, if you’ll just spend a little time with her while she’s here, you two are going to finally get past whatever problem you have with each other and everything’s gonna be totally—” Jana stops.
My phone’s ringing.
“Hold on,” I tell her, “I’ve got to take this.”
I make a quick retreat to my room, and I don’t even bother checking to see who’s calling before I answer.
“I’ll give you fifty bucks if you can get me out of here,” I tell whoever’s on the other end of the line.
“Everything okay?” a man’s voice comes back.
“Who is this?” I ask, pulling my phone back a bit to find I don’t recognize the number.
“It’s Mason,” the man says.
“Mason?” I ask. “Mason who?”
“Is this Ash, short for Ashely, the chick who bandaged me up the other night?” the man asks and it finally clicks.
“Oh, Mason,” I say.
“Yeah,” he says. “You gave me your number, so I thought I’d call and see if you want to get together sometime.”
“Now’s good,” I tell him.
“Now?” he asks. “I’m not ready just now. Can you give me a little bit?”
“How long do you need?” I ask.
“I don’t know,” he says, “maybe half an hour or so?”
Half an hour?
“No,” I tell him. “It’s got to be sooner. I don’t have time to get into it right now, but I would really love an excuse that would get out of here right now.”
“All right,” he says. “Let’s meet up at Sherry’s on Eighth. You might have to wait a little bit for me to get there, but at least you’ll be away from wherever you are.”
“Sounds great,” I tell him. “See you soon.”
I hang up.
I’d given Mason my phone number to mess with Jana, telling her I was thinking about hooking up with her ex, but right now, I could just about kiss him.
Coming out of my room, I don a disappointed look.
“What’s the matter?” Jana asks.
“I forgot,” I tell her. “Mason and I have plans right now.”
“You’re hooking up with Mason?” Jana asks. “You’re joking.”
“I don’t know if I’d call it hooking up, but we do have plans,” I tell her. “That was him on the phone. It totally slipped my mind, but we’re supposed to have dinner together. I should really get going.”
“Well, give him a call back and tell him he’s gonna have to wait for a while,” Jana says. “You’ve got to at least say ‘hi’ to my mom and help us get her stuff up here.”
“How much ‘stuff’ is she bringing?” I ask.
“I don’t know,” Jana says, “probably enough to make her comfortable for four or five months.”
“Four or five months?” I blurt. “No way!”
“Come on, Rumple Fugs,” she says, and I’m balling my fists.
“You know that nickname undermines my confidence,” I seethe.
Jana’s smirking as her phone starts to ring.
“It’s probably Mason,” she says. “He’s probably calling to rub in the fact that you’re going out with him now.”
That sends a pang of guilt through me. Jana’s exceptional at that when she wants to be.
Jana answers the phone and walks off a little ways as I sink into the couch. On the one hand, this is a perfect opportunity for me to make my escape, but if that actually is Mason calling to shove our dinner plans in her face, I’d rather know about it so I can be sure to never see him again.
“…all right, I’ll talk to you soon,” Jana says. “Bye.” She hangs up the phone and comes back over to me, asking, “What were we talking about?”
“Was that him?” I ask.
“No,” Jana says. “You’re really going to take off, aren’t you?”
“Only if you’re okay with it,” I tell her. “I should have asked if you’d be okay with me seeing him. How long did the two of you date?”
She turns her head and folds her arms. “It doesn’t matter,” she says. “My mom’s on her way and you want to ditch us for my ex before she’s even got here.”
“Gotten,” I correct. It’s a waste of time: She never learns. Still, habits are habits. “If you don’t want me to go out with him, I won’t go out with him,” I tell her, “but please don’t make me live under a roof with your mother for months on end.”
“Just go,” Jana says. “I’m sure mom and I can lug all her stuff to the apartment all by ourselves. She’s going to be so sad that you’re not here, though. She loves the crap out of you.”
“She does not,” I respond. “The only times your mom and I have even had a full conversation, she was stoned out of her mind.”
“Well, that’s not really telling me much,” Jana says. “Mom’s always stoned.”
“You can see why that might be a problem,” I tell her.
“Well, at least you got to know her a bit,” Jana says.
“Yeah,” I scoff. “She told me about how she followed Jefferson Airplane on tour when they did that reunion in the eighties. Apparently, they never let her backstage, but she did end up making it with a roadie at some point.”
Jana giggles and shakes her head. “Moms,” she says, smiling.
“Listen,” I tell her, “if you don’t want me to see Mason, I won’t, but I’m not going to stick around to wait for your mother to ‘cleanse my aura’ with burning sage. That stuff gives me a headache.”
Jana sighs. “It’s not like Mason and I were a big deal or anything,” she says. “It’s just a little weird. I mean, if you want to see him, go ahead. We’re cool, but come on. You’ve got to at least wait and say hi to my mom. She’s going to be here whenever you get back anyway, so it’s not like you’re really getting away with anything. Just stay until she gets here, okay?”