“That’s not fair,” she says. “I picked him up, and I don’t just go around letting people tell me what to do all the time.”
“Then why is your mom still here?” I ask. “She’s the one that does it. She’s the one that gets you acting crazy whenever she’s around. I don’t even care that I walked in on you, I care that there’s such a fundamental lack of respect for me and the fact that this is my home, too. I just wanted to come home, unwind and try to forget that there’s not a single complicated thing in my life, but I can’t even do that.”
“I get that you’ve got this hate/despise relationship with my mom and everything, but you really need to chill,” she says. “I didn’t know you were coming home. If I did, we would have gone to the bedroom.”
“It’s my couch!” I blurt. “Didn’t we have a rule: No sex on common area furniture without at least two towels down? People have to sit on that thing, you know.”
“Oh, so now I’m just disgusting,” she says, walking over to the couch, lifting two towels I hadn’t seen before for the naked bodies that had been thrashing about atop them. “Maybe I’m not the problem. Maybe the real problem is that you can’t figure out how to make things work with your own guy and you’re just pissed when you see anyone else having a good time.”
“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard,” I tell her.
“Yeah,” she says. “I bet that’s it. Things aren’t going so well with you and Mason because you don’t know how to keep a man around longer than fifteen minutes and now suddenly I’m the bad girl.”
“I’m so not in the mood to stand here and listen to your bullshit,” I tell her.
That startles us both. Hearing other people curse has never really bothered me—I heard more than enough of it growing up with dad and mom’s business partners—but I never, ever talk like that. Jana is well aware of this.
“You’re losing it,” Jana says. “I don’t know what you think gives you the right—”
“Oh, will you stop playing the wounded animal?” I ask. “You’re really starting to piss me off.”
“You know what?” Jana asks. “I’m getting out of here. I don’t have to listen to this. After you come in here and scare my date off, I’m not going to stay here and take this.”
“You’re not going anywhere,” I tell her. “We’ve got some things to work out and I’m sick of brushing them under the rug, now we’ve got to figure out a way for both of us to live together in peace or one of us has got to go.”
Jana cocks her head a little. “What happened with Mason today?” she asks. “I know something happened, but it must have been pretty bad for you to get so lost up your own ass about it.”
“You need to watch your mouth,” I tell her crossing the distance between us in a few quick strides. “I know you get a little crazy when your mom’s around, but you need to back off. You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Jana, never one to be intimidated for long, gets right back in my face, saying, “And you need to stop taking your crappy relationship out on me,” she says. “I get that you’re little Miss Perfect or whatever, but you not being able to make it work with a guy isn’t my fault!”
“That’s not what this is about,” I spit.
“Of course that’s what this is about!” she cries. “That’s what it’s always about. It’s about you! You think you’re the only one in this apartment that matters, but we’re supposed to be friends, Ash,” she says. “Lately, you’ve been a real bitch.”
It’s a choice, I know it is, but as quick as it happens, it almost doesn’t seem like I had anything to do with it. My fist just flies on its own, striking Jana hard just below her eye and I freeze.
My hand is throbbing, but I’m just standing here with my hands over my mouth while Jana stands there, her head still off to one side from the force of the blow.
She slowly turns her head to look at me, covering her left eye.
We look at each other a minute, neither one of us having been the least bit prepared for what just happened.
“You hit me,” she says. “You actually hit me.”
“Jana…” I mutter through my hands, “I am so sorry. I can’t believe that I—”
“I hope you and Mason are very happy together,” she says and almost walks through me as she goes to grab her keys on the way out the door.
The door slams loudly, and I’m still standing here, rubbing my right hand. I don’t think I broke anything, but it hurts like crazy.
I go into my room and lock the door. Part of me thinks I should be crying right now, but I’m not. I’m still in shock.
I’ve never hit anyone in my life. Despite the aching hand, it actually felt pretty good.
She didn’t deserve to get hit, though. Maybe she was right. Maybe I am just miserable.
We’ve been slowly unravelling from each other for years, but as many times as Jana has made me mad, as many times as she’s gone behind my back to do something stupid that ends up getting me in trouble, I’ve never laid a harmful finger on her until today.
I can hear my phone ringing in the other room. At first I’m favoring a “let it ring” approach, but it might be Jana. I don’t know what I’m going to say to her if it is, but I have to try and make this right if I can.
After unlocking the door, I walk back into the front room and grab my purse, pulling the cellphone from inside.
It’s Mason.
The phone stops ringing, probably to go to voicemail, but it starts again a few seconds later. Even though I know that it’s Mason again, I check the screen. When I see his name, though, I just put the phone back in my purse and I walk back to my room.
I shouldn’t be talking to anyone right now.
Chapter Eleven
Shiny New Bracelets
Mason
Chris is on house arrest, or at least my version of it.
Since he came back a week ago, pounding at my door, I made my final offer to him: Either he does everything I tell him when I tell him or he’s out. He doesn’t leave the house without my permission and nobody I don’t know ever comes over to the house.
He was too quick to say yes, but I let it go. If he’s here, I can keep an eye on him.
I have school and training and my ultra-part time real job, but I’ve found I can bring him with me most places. Apart from sleeping and bathroom breaks, he and I haven’t been out of each other’s sight for longer than an hour since he’s gotten back.
The obvious downside is that Chris is more whiny and demanding than ever. I know he’s just trying to get me to ease up enough so he can go out there and ruin someone’s life, but I’m not going to let him push me.
He acts up in any way and he’s out.
I’m not sure whether I feel more like a parent than a prison guard, but so far, at least, I’ve managed to keep him from doing too much damage.
Today, though, could pose a problem.
Chris’s return and the imposition of my terms of his staying with me have put new strain on my relationship with Ash. I promised her that today, we’d get out and we’d do something fun together, something neither of us has ever done before. She wasn’t very excited until I told her it was just going to be the two of us.