I was glad no one else was near my quiet table. "What is wrong with you, Thomas?" I jumped to my feet. "I get you're jealous, it makes sense, but I didn't think you were the type of guy to spread false rumors in the hopes of making yourself look better in comparison."
"Clarity, please, wait," Thomas called.
I went back and whipped my untouched breakfast from the table. "You should be ashamed of yourself."
As I marched away, I heard Thomas mutter, "And you should do your research."
#
I stormed out of the cafeteria, only having enough control to stop before throwing out my coffee. The coffee gave me something to grip in between my angry hands, and something to sip at so I didn't have to smile. It didn't matter that it was lukewarm and bitter.
Thomas' words sent me off-course and I wandered down the hallway without a destination. At the student mailboxes, I changed course, then stopped abruptly.
Libby flounced around the corner and giggled at some love note that had been left in her mailbox. I followed her past the registrar's office and out onto the main lawn.
The back of her tight, velour jogging pants flashed the rhinestoned word 'fresh.' Above it was a long-sleeved tee-shirt at least two sizes too small and that squeezed her tiny waist. Her shock of dyed blonde hair flipped back and forth in a long ponytail, and I stared at it as if hypnotized.
Is that what had happened to Ford? He was taken in by her pretty fake-ness and all-together too easy attitude?
At the corner near the limestone chapel, Libby slowed and then spun on her heeled sandals. "Clarity. Thank god, for a second there I thought some creep was following me."
I could have nodded and cut across the grass, but Libby already knew why I was trying to bump into her. Her brown eyes blinked at me with a calculating glance.
"Nice to see you, Libby. How was your break?" I asked.
"It was alright," Libby shrugged, "though I didn't get any good, send-off kisses like you. I've been craving a little roll in the fallen leaves ever since I ran into you and your, um, man."
"What? No," I swallowed hard. "That is not what you saw."
Libby sidled closer and kept pace with me as I tried to flee. "I wonder what I would have seen if I had been a few minutes behind on my mile. If only I was a little slower, I bet I would have seen your skinny legs up in the air."
"Libby! How can you say that? He's a professor."
"We both know the rules weren't made for him. He's not old or lecherous. He's virile and irresistible. Who wouldn't bend the rules for a taste of those lips? Maybe a taste of something a little farther down ..."
I slammed to a stop in the middle of the sidewalk. "You are filthy. And I think it's about time you take your dirty mind and go bother someone else."
"Why would I do that?" Libby batted her spiky, mascara-laden eyelashes. "You're the one locking illegal lips with fantastic Mr. Ford."
"Illegal? You just said the rules weren't made for him," I snapped.
"A little touchy, huh, Clarity?" Libby asked. "I get it. You want him to touch you so bad you're willing to stumble around in the leaves just to brush up against him. We've all been there."
"That's it," I said. "You better come straight out and say what you mean, Libby. I'm done with all your trash talk." I crossed my arms and stood up as tall as I could.
"I'm saying that you're not the first one to get the hots for Professor Bauer. The first time he and I kissed, it was behind the cafeteria."
"Gross," I said and spun away.
Libby caught my arm. "No, it wasn't gross at all. I had lost my ID and Ford came to help me. I could feel his eyes on me as I bent over and checked the lost and found basket. Then all I had to do was get close enough and he couldn't resist."
I threw my hands in front of me and back up two steps. "You are making all of that up. You just want the attention, so you tell these stories that no one can prove are true."
"Oh, it's true," Libby laughed. "I once took a selfie of us in one of our favorite dark corners. You know the little alcove near the campus radio station? No one goes back there and there's a decent sofa there."
"Please, you've probably been there with half a dozen guys. According to the stories you tell about yourself, half the campus is drooling over you and just waiting for their chance to come again," I said, though the words made me feel sick.
Libby tossed her blonde ponytail. "I'm not going to deny I enjoy the reputation I've got. Why not? It's the modern era and women are allowed to have sex too, you know."
"That doesn't mean that every girl wants to or should," I said. I took a deep, calming breath. "Some women want more. More intimacy, more connection, more satisfactions than a series of one-night stands."
"Oh, who says it was just one night with the fantastic Mr. Ford?" Libby asked. "He wanted me so badly he kept running into me. Before class, after class, in the cafeteria, all over campus."
"Yeah, it sounds like you had a really deep connection." I stepped around Libby again.
Now Libby looked disgusted. "We dated. It was much more than just a silly kiss under a tree."
"Then why are you so jealous of one kiss?" I countered.
"Who says I'm jealous?" Libby narrowed her eyes. "I got everything I wanted from Ford."
"Obviously not," I said. "He just used you and now you walk around mad that you didn't come out on top."
"Oh, I came on top," Libby snarled. "Besides, princess, hasn't it ever occurred to you that Ford is using you?"
"The difference is I'm not going to let him."
She shook her head with a mean smile. "He already has used you. Do you think he took you under his wing because he loves you? He wanted to befriend your father and gain the influence of the dean."
I faltered. "Why would he need my father's influence?"
"To save his job." Libby sauntered away with a dainty wave over her shoulder.
The conversation rattled around in my head until I was sure the unnecessary jabs and jealousies were gone. It came down to two claims: that Ford had slept with a student two years ago, and that he was only interested in me to ingratiate himself to my father.
I dragged my feet on the way to his class. How could I stand to verify either claim? Libby's bragging wasn't evidence but she had planted a seed of doubt in my head.
"Hello, class," Ford said.
My stomach buzzed with the same happy excitement, despite the turmoil in my head. Just being near him ignited me like a handful of fireworks and my body wouldn't listen to reason.
I stamped down my feelings. Now it didn't matter if he was innocent or exactly what Libby described. The fact was that Ford Bauer was not for me and the sooner I let it go, the better. As painful as it was, I had to admit that everything else had been silly fantasy on my part. I could never pursue anything real with Ford and I had to let him go.
The first half of class, it was easy to keep my head down. Ford lectured on writing to a specific audience and I took diligent notes. Then he opened it up to questions and discussions and I was forced to look up from my notebook.