I was happy in my own company right until I climbed into bed and missed the way Tyler’s body felt pressed up against mine. It’s like having my own sexy hot water bottle.
The weekend went a long way in reassuring me that we wouldn’t have the gangster’s moll kind of life I’d been imagining. My moral compass is resetting itself. I’m questioning just how much I’d be willing to compromise the values I’ve always held dear.
The truth is, I see a path to him. To us.
And my uncle is blocking it.
I’m confused by Cillian. Why would he tell Clutch to ensure Spark stays away from me, while forcing me to spy on him? Is he deliberately setting me up to fail, or is he trying to throw the Iron Outlaws off my trail? I wish I knew the endgame of this outlandish plan.
I slip an earring in, then another, and glance in the mirror. The kids are going to want to know all the details when they see my hand; they can’t help themselves. They’re still at the age where they give each other hugs of comfort whenever one of them has a boo-boo. It’s why I’ve worn pants with a belt for most of the term. I only made the mistake of wearing an elasticated waist skirt once on my first teaching appointment. When you teach little kids, there is always someone tugging on your clothes to get your attention.
There’s a knock at the front door, and my heart trips over itself in the hope it’s Spark. I hurry to open the door and find Kasey on the step. She offered to drive me until my car is dealt with and I can drive myself.
And I realize that even though I love my friend, I’m a touch deflated it’s not my biker.
“Morning,” she says, handing me a bag of warm croissants from the new bakery down by the shore. “I brought offerings and came early so you can tell me all about the weekend with the man who chased the driver of the car that smashed into you. So, what gives with you and Spark?”
I let her in and direct her to the kitchen. “Coffee?”
“Please.”
I grab a clean mug and pour her coffee, then top up my own. “We appear to be dating.” It seems like a safe way of describing it but doesn’t even begin to reflect things.
“What about all the drama stuff you said you wanted to avoid?”
I huff as I place the mugs between us on the kitchen breakfast bar. “Drama stuff finds you where you are.”
“So tell me everything. Tell me about him.” She tips her head in the direction of the street.
“I feel like this should be easier to answer,” I say, before sipping my coffee.
“Is it serious?” she asks.
“I think so, but I don’t know. I see a future with him and am slightly terrified at the same time. And there’s a beef between Cillian and the motorcycle club that, despite my best efforts, I’m stuck squarely in the middle of.”
“What do you mean?”
I place my elbows on the counter and blow out a breath. I have to tell someone, or I feel like my brain will just explode. “Part of me wonders if this thing between me and Spark is even real. I mean. It feels real, but it started with him stalking me. And look at him. I still don’t know what he sees in me, Kasey. He’s . . .”
Kasey watches me expectantly. “Attractive, caring, protective?”
“Yes, but Tyler’s a member of a club. He’s the sergeant at arms. I looked up what that is. He’s literally responsible for the safety of his club. And he’s a veteran.” I don’t tell her about the nightmare and the tattoos and what he lived through. Those things are too personal for me to share, even with my close friend. Spark deserves his privacy, not me blurting his trauma to a person he barely knows.
“You’re falling for him.” Kasey’s words are not a question but a statement.
“It’s like there’s two parts of me. The part interested in self-preservation and the part ready to tumble and fall for him. This weekend, it was . . . special. Since the car accident actually.”
“On a scale of one to ten, how deep are you in trouble?”
“Ten on all fronts.” I sip my coffee and decide I need to tell someone what is happening. “My uncle is holding Michael’s support resources over my head to get me to spy on the club for him.”
“Shit,” Kasey says. She’s met Michael. He adores her. She adores him. They kick a ball around in the yard together occasionally, on the rare days Cillian makes allowances for Michael to come visit me. “Can’t you stop that?”
I raise an eyebrow. “He can just put him in line for state services, which are minimal. They take forever to get because of the demand and level of services is totally different once he’s classed as an adult rather than a child. Cillian wouldn’t have to pay for all the extra resources he’s always provided. I don’t know why he’s threatening to pull them now. I thought that in spite of everything, he might have cared for Michael.”
“Is he bluffing?”
“No. I don’t think he is.”
“The Iron Outlaws . . . if they find out . . .” Kasey’s words drop off. She shakes her head. “Your life is not a bargaining chip to be traded for Michael’s care. Can’t you tell the police? Call the FBI or something? What are you going to do?”
I shrug helplessly. “I can’t inform the authorities. First, I don’t have proof. It’s my word against Cillian’s. Second, the police won’t care about one illegal organization trying to take out another. It saves them work. And third, Cillian has the financial resources to bury me under a lifetime of legal fees if I even try to do anything.”
My safety is of no concern to Cillian. I wonder if it would be to Spark. I feel like he’s shown me time and time again he’s willing to look out for me.
“Well, I’m here for you, whatever you decide. But I’ll say this. I know Michael is your brother and you love him, but can you really see yourself following Cillian’s orders for the rest of your life to protect him?”
I look down at my coffee cup for a moment. “I don’t need to; I just need to get him to eighteen when Cillian won’t legally have any responsibility but before Cillian can institute any kind of guardianship or conservatorship arrangement. I need to strike first.”
“How far away is that?”
“One year, two months, and twenty-two days.”
“Does Spark know you’re a package deal?”
I shrug. “I’ve told him about Michael. Not explicitly that he’ll need to live with me as an adult. Or that I want him to have all the support resources he has now. It’ll cost a lot. Michael is way more capable than Cillian sees. I want to explore that and let him have more freedoms, not switch his prison from Cillian’s to mine.”
She shakes her head. “It would never feel like a prison to him. He loves you. I hate to say it, Iris, because I love you . . . but he loves Cillian too. I don’t think it’s as simple as just persuading him to live with you or legally being able to offer him the choice.”
Deep down, I know all this. “You’re right.”
Kasey finishes her coffee and puts it down on the counter. “For what it’s worth, Iris, you deserve happiness on your own terms. And if it’s with Spark, then you have to grab hold of it. Even if you don’t understand it yet. And hopefully he’ll protect you. But, babe, this feels like a world you shouldn’t be in, birthright or not. And that might mean letting go of anyone in it, even Spark or Michael.”