Daily walks escorted by the silent beast, known as my bean’s giant, will drive me to the nuthouse. I just know it.
I come out of my musing when I see Riley finish her sidewalk performance, taking a bow in front of Drew. If you weren’t looking for a reaction from him as I was, you’d completely miss the slight tip of his lip. It might not seem like much, but it’s the world to Riley, which makes it the world to me. Their connection is a mystery of a different sort, that’s for sure, but one that I’m very fond of watching them nurture into something that grows stronger each day. It amazes me how much they can communicate between themselves without verbal responses, but their language is certainly their own and would be impossible for anyone to decode or understand. However, it can be felt, that’s for sure. It’s how I know without a doubt that she’s safe with him.
I learned over the years that my girl has the greatest intuition when it comes to people. She’s like some weird morality detector. She can say hello to someone and instantly know if they’re a good or bad egg. That holds a big part of why I trust him with her, if I’m honest. She became so attached to Drew without a second thought and lacking any doubt. You can practically feel the attachment coming from both of them.
No matter his reasons for doing all this, he’s given her so much joy over the weeks, I almost don’t even care to find out his motives for that alone.
Almost.
“Are you ready to go home now, Livi? The BTS World Tour concert is waiting for me to watch—the new one from San Pablo. You remember, you promised that I could watch it today and we could have pizza for dinner! Right?” Riley finishes and takes a huge gulp of air, practically coming out of her skin. I actually had forgotten that we pre-ordered the San Pablo concert when it was digitally released. She’s already watched their New York and European ones so many times, I know the whole set list of their shows by heart. “It came this morning! I already tracked the package!” She’s bouncing on her tiny little feet with excitement, her adorable hands folded in front of her chest.
“You tracked it?” I ask, dumbfounded.
“Of course I did.”
“Are you sure you’re only five years old?”
She rolls her beautiful eyes and does something that is so Drew, I almost laugh … her tiny little brow comes up in question instead of asking me again.
“Well, in that case … since you made sure to keep such a close eye on the delivery, it would be a shame for us not to rush home this very second and get it turned on for you. Clearly, you’re more responsible than I am.” I wink, and she giggles. “What do you say we get home, get some comfy clothes on, and order that pizza so we can get to watching?”
Riley shrieks with joy, twisting her little body to look at Drew. “Hurry, giant! We’re going to have to walk with bigger steps today. Don’t worry, Auntie can keep up. We’ve got a show to watch! Kay?”
His eyes appear to be very confused by what she’s talking about, but he doesn’t pause as he scoops her up in the well-practiced way he does, effortlessly placing her on his shoulders and securing her with his big hands in a light grasp on her tiny ankles, keeping her steady.
“Hey, giant?!” she calls from her perch, poking him in the head like she’s so fond of doing. “You’re going to come in and see it too, right?”
My heart stops. This is the first time she’s asked him to come inside, but it also stops because this is my chance to get him in my home and question him about what’s going on. I don’t even realize I’m holding my breath until my chest burns, and I let it out slowly so he doesn’t catch on.
His eyes meet mine and lock. For a split second, I think I see something new. Or maybe it’s something that’s always been there, but I just missed seeing it before now. However, almost as soon as I see that small glimmer, it’s gone before I can decipher what it actually means. He tips his head with a slight nod and then begins to walk hesitantly until our steps are in sync.
“Yay! Off we go to watch BTS awesomeness, giant! Onward!” Riley screams, pointing down the street. A few people around us smile, but I can’t even react to her adorable behavior because I’m still trapped by his gaze.
I struggle to even attempt to stay engaged in their one-sided, all Riley bean conversation because all I can think about is that look. It was there and then gone so fast, but … it was different. Not calm, not stormy, but there was still a burning in those depths that didn’t make much sense.
Almost like … hope?
After a few minutes of obsessing, I attempt to shake it off and focus on anything else that can take my mind off that little glimmer of hope.
Riley is explaining, in great detail, the members of BTS. Even going as far as telling him their real names so he “knows” who they really are. She tries the best that her little mind can to explain to him the platform of BTS and what they stand for, in a sense, but I can tell it doesn’t really compute.
“They are really a big force in encouraging people to love themselves as they are and to speak their truths, without fear and worry of prejudice,” I add, gaining his attention and Riley’s.
“That’s what I said, Auntie.”
“Of course it is, bean. Of course it is.”
She goes off on a tangent about how he needs to make sure to get his own membership into the BTS Army because he can’t have hers, and it came with all sorts of fun stuff that he will like. Oh boy, this kid. The confusion on his face is unmistakable as she keeps going. Educating such a manly man on all things BTS—from a five-year-old’s viewpoint—really might be the most comical thing I’ve ever witnessed. I have to admit, it’s nice to be able to recognize his emotions for once without guessing.
We continue our walk, and I smile while she continues telling him how V, or Kim Taehyung as she told him it is important to note his real name, is her bias. Another word for k-pop fans to label their favorite person. To my complete horror, she then tells him how her auntie’s favorite is Jimin. My goodness, I thought I hid that better. Instead of looking at Drew to see what his reaction is to that little nugget, I let my mind wander and tune them out.
Riley’s birthday is just around the corner. In a couple of weeks, my girl will be six, and just like every birthday, I want to make sure she has the best day. This year, I hope to have a few surprises for her. If I can pull them off, that is. You would think she would have a mile-long list of things she wants at her age, but not Riley. She rarely asks for things, and her birthday is no exception. Not that it’s a bad thing to have a child who isn’t always asking for things, but it sure does make gifting on holidays and her birthday quite challenging. It’s the only time I ever wish she was a little obsessed with something—anything—material or some hyped-up toy. She’s never known a life where money was an issue, so I count myself lucky that she didn’t turn into the bratty, entitled child that usually comes from a high-society culture. Those kids grow to thrive off their material possessions and not a single thing else. The children I grew up with only knew how to find joy from what they had, not what they could do. Riley, on the other hand, doesn’t care about things. She cares about time spent with those she loves and being present to enjoy every one of the experiences that will fill her memories for the rest of her days. She thrives on being near others. Their happiness is one of the biggest joy givers in her day. That being said, she can also be extremely sentimental, and when she’s given a gift, she cherishes it to the max. Even cards. Maybe more so because they have messages reminding her how very loved she is.