That experience changed things for Mac. He’d gotten into meditation and the psychology of meditation, which had helped. Then he realized he really wanted to spend his life in the forest. That had been a game changer. His father had no say over him joining up again with the Army, so he’d opted out.
There were so many things messed up in his past that had shaped his current life and had the potential to sculpt his future. His parents had known. They’d known his father had killed his mother, and they’d never said anything. But how would that have changed his life? Knowing that evil had been a part of his history.
“Son, are you still there?” His father’s voice was low, almost reverent.
“Yes, I’m here.”
“We pushed you because we didn’t want you to be like him.”
“Wait, you thought I would be like him? Is that why you pushed me into the military?”
His dad blew out a breath. “Don’t be like that.”
Mac shook his head. His dad hated emotions, but he didn’t. It had taken a long time to learn to accept emotions, and he wasn’t sure he had accepted them fully. He still had issues with certain parts of life that he could trace a line back to his father not wanting him to display any emotions.
“So all the lessons about how I shouldn’t have a woman in my life, how I couldn’t date, how I shouldn’t have emotions, all of that stemmed back to the fact you thought I was my father.”
Maybe his anger was irrational, but he needed to know now more than ever. He’d thought his father had loved him, but now he wasn’t sure. Maybe his father didn’t like him because of the evil that existed in his past.
“This is too much,” Mac said. “I can’t believe you both kept this from me.”
“No, listen here—” his father started.
“No, sir, I won’t,” Mac said. “I’ve listened enough to you both. Now I need to write my own story.”
He ended the call and saw movement. When he glanced up, April stood in the doorway. She moved to him and wrapped her arms around him, holding him close. The urge to break down hit, but he pushed it away for a moment. Then he realized April had accepted him. She wasn’t trying to get him to stuff his emotions and not have them. She was here for him.
Healthy expression of emotions was good, and he didn’t want to push her away. That was what his father would do. He clung to April, letting the pain and anger run through him.
“How much did you hear?” Mac asked.
“Enough to know you’re a very strong man I’m proud to call a friend.”
He glanced up and met her gaze. “Are we only friends?”
Her lips tilted up just a little. “The best lovers are also friends.”
His cock woke up at her words. “So we’re lovers?”
She lowered and brushed her lips over his. “I think we could be.”
“I think we should be.”
She moved to straddle him and pushed him back onto the bed. “We need more practice.”
Laughter spilled out at her suggestion. Then he sobered. “So you don’t think there’s something fundamentally wrong with me because of what my birth dad did?”
She lowered, so her face was only inches from his. “We all have good and bad inside. It’s what we do with it that matters.”
He flipped her, and she yelped. “I want to be good.”
“I think you’re a very good person.”
“I’ve done bad stuff in my past.”
She narrowed her gaze. “Was it actually bad, or did you get in trouble for doing stuff you probably shouldn’t have?”
He blew out a breath and fell onto the bed beside her. “I don’t know. This has really hit me hard. I need time to think.”
She went up on her elbow and stared down at him. “You have time. There’s no pressure.”
He cupped her cheek. “Thank you. That means a lot.”
Her words and acceptance of his past, the twisted web of lies he’d uncovered, the abuses, and the pain made him feel whole in a way he’d never felt before. Maybe April couldn’t heal his hurts, but she could go a long way toward helping him believe in himself.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
When they’d been hit, then the person shot at them. April had really thought it had all been about her. It was weird that someone had come after Mac, someone he’d not known about or expected.
April had spent months expecting some big bad thing to invade her space, but maybe she had been blowing it out of proportion. Sure, the weird things left for her weren’t harmful, just worrisome.
How had someone gotten into her private room that only she had a key to? That was what worried her the most. Maybe it had been an innocent prank. Maybe she had overblown the danger. That’s probably why the cops had laughed at her. She’d been so upset, and she hadn’t needed to be. So someone had left a mint in her room. Ooooh, so scary. Mac had been shot at. Her worry and fears were unfounded.
Guilt ate at her. She’d made the guys spend their money and time making her aunt’s house a fortress, and the real threat had come from somewhere else. She needed to get a grip on her life and stop being so afraid.
“Are you headed to work?” Mac asked as he stepped into the kitchen.
She moved to him, wrapping her arms around his waist. “I’ll bring you back some food.”
“You don’t have to,” Mac said.
“I want to.”
He flashed her a smile. “You’re being nice.”
“So, what are your plans for today?” April asked.
“I have one more day off before I go back to leading hikes, so I plan on going for a walk, just making sure I’ll be okay.”
Five days had passed since the attack, and today was her first day back at work. They’d slept a lot, gone for a short walk yesterday and Mac had said he felt good. She worried he would have issues but didn’t want to baby him.
“If you have any issues, you can call me.”
“I’ll be fine. I really feel better.”
“Good. I’ll see you close to four.”
“Hey,” Mac said before she stepped out of the door.
She turned back, glad she had him in her life. He really was a good man, and she wanted their relationship to last.
“Yeah?”
“Thank you.”
Her eyebrows furrowed as she couldn’t figure out what he was talking about. “For what?”
“Being here for me. You didn’t run when you found out the worst thing that had happened in my life.”
She moved to him and placed a kiss on his lips. When she pulled back, she held his gaze. “I see you. Not what someone else thinks you should be or feared you would be, but you.”
He nodded, emotions filling his eyes. “It makes a difference to me. Thank you.”
She wished she had the day off to spend with him, but she needed to get back to work. They’d spent five days together, and though they hadn’t had sex again, she felt like their relationship was great. They were moving together toward something amazing, and she was excited to see how their lives progressed.
She stepped into the coffee shop, and for a short second, she didn’t think she could stay. People packed the small shop, and it felt like chaos. Then the scent of coffee beans hit, calming her.