And the way she had slowly and surely broken down his defenses until he trusted her.
Until he had feelings for her. Powerful ones.
“It’s a shame,” Louis said. “Anything else, boss?”
No. No, there wasn’t anything else.
This was why Drew made the rules he made. People were unpredictable, and the only way to manage the fallout from their unpredictable behavior was to keep them away from the things that mattered. Away from companies that could be vulnerable if, for example, Drew took a day off. Away from families that could be vulnerable.
A knock at the door pulled him briefly out of the whirlwind…and right back in again.
Penny hurried in without waiting for an answer and put a small bag on his desk. “I just wanted to drop these off. It didn’t seem right to just leave them out with a note or something.”
Numbly, he looked inside the bag.
It was half filled with black velvet jewelry boxes.
“I don’t want these,” he managed.
“They’re yours.” Penny shrugged one shoulder.
“All right.”
He dragged his gaze up to hers. When their eyes met, her eyebrows drew together. “Did something happen?”
“Yeah, something happened.” What was the point of holding any of it back now? “After you mentioned Fox Worldwide, I had one of my people do a background check.”
Understanding dawned on her face, followed by surprise. “Wait. You hired me as a nanny without doing a background check?”
“Of course we did a background check back then. It only screened for your criminal record. I didn’t think your parents mattered.”
Penny lifted her chin, eyes burning with defiance. “They don’t matter in this context, so you were right about that.”
“Is that true?” She leaned back as if he’d pushed her. “Because now, Penny, I’m wondering if you picked up some habits from your father.”
“What habits?”
“Like using a personal relationship to get close to me so you could get insider information on Preston Logistics.”
Her face went totally blank, and then she laughed, high and harsh. “Are you serious? You’re serious.”
“How could I be anything other than serious right now? Fox Worldwide is legendary in the industry for being in bed with conmen. And that’s where you worked, wasn’t it? You had to be involved. You had to have learned a few tricks of the trade.”
Penny’s face had gone white, except for two red splotches high on her cheeks. “That’s not what happened.”
“You’re telling me that you gained all kinds of corporate experience at Fox Worldwide but had no idea that your own father—your own father—was in league with a known bad actor?”
“That’s not what happened,” Penny insisted. “First of all, I resent the fact that you think I learned tricks from my father to…to cheat people. I can’t believe you, after what you’ve done, would assume—” She took a frustrated breath, and Drew’s heart squeezed in irrational sympathy. He couldn’t help himself. He was angry, but the sight of her this thrown still affected him. “My father was not a conman. He was ready to retire, and he always believed the best of people. So when—when that man approached him, he was certain it would all work out. I tried to warn him that it was a bad deal, but he was just too optimistic to hear me. Like you haven’t heard me about your backup acquisition.”
“Too optimistic,” echoed Drew. “Just like me? What are you trying to say?”
“I’m trying to tell you what I think of your deal. I’m telling you what I know about Michael’s company. Can’t you see that?”
“What I can see is that you came to the gala with a chip on your shoulder. You deliberately disagreed with me in front of multiple people.” The full weight of it didn’t hit him until he was saying the words out loud. “I think you sabotaged things with Jack.”
Drew had never felt so stupid in his entire life. It was worse than when Susan had gone in on his week off and sold off company assets and information, losing two of their biggest clients in the process. It was worse than the day he’d had to lay off two dozen people with only the promise that when he fixed things, they’d have their jobs back.
“If I got close to you,” Penny said, her voice just above a whisper, “it’s because I wanted to be close to you. I knew it would be a risk, and I did it anyway. This started out as…as a job.” Tears danced at the corners of her eyes. “I admit it—I wanted a better job at Preston Logistics.” She let out a bitter laugh. “I thought I was applying for a job here, not as your nanny. But sometimes you have to take the job that’s offered.”
He didn’t know whether this admission made things better or worse. Desperate people did desperate things for money. He knew that as well as anyone.
So he couldn’t blame her. Not entirely.
“I would never try to interfere with one of your business deals,” Penny said, and the sincerity in her voice almost broke him.
But the walls around his heart were already going back up. The risk was too great. He didn’t have to put all the responsibility on her shoulders—in fact, he couldn’t, because it had been his idea to let her in at all.
He also couldn’t go back to the way things were.
“I think it would be best if we…kept your schedule to a minimum,” he said. Penny flinched. “I think it would be less confusing for Logan that way.” She nodded immediately, blinking back another wave of tears. “You've never given me a reason to doubt your skill as a caretaker for my son, so we can…continue with a reduced arrangement until I find a permanent replacement.” The new nanny wouldn’t be so involved with Drew’s life. The new nanny, he decided, would be part time. He’d enroll Logan in preschool. It would be better for all of them.
“I’m going to go, then.” She opened her mouth like she might say something else, then closed it again and went. The set of her shoulders as she left made him think she was waiting for him to call after her, but the words stuck in Drew’s throat.
She’d given him so much help during the short time they’d had together. He had a memory, vivid as anything else in his life, of her laughing as she pointed out a flaw in his presentation for Michael Bower. He had another memory of her dancing at Carver Row, eyes closed, hands in the air. It was like she’d known how much he needed that connection in that moment.
But could he ever forgive her for keeping a secret like Fox Worldwide?
He didn’t have the answer.
Even if he did, she’d leave him eventually anyway. That was how things went, when the lines were so crossed, when emotions were so tangled. It was like an electrical fire—fast moving and difficult to contain.
It had happened to Drew once before, and it had happened again. He could, however, control the damage if he didn’t chase her out of the building right now. If he let her go.
So he did what he had to do.
He let her go.
13
Drew sat at the head of the table in the meeting room, trying to ignore the hollow feeling at the center of his chest and focus on the negotiations with Michael Bower.