“I know.” Her voice broke. With one graceful motion, she rose from the bed and stood naked before him. Resolution glimmered from dark eyes, along with a sliver of sadness that pierced his heart. “That’s why I can’t be with you right now. I need to know I’m enough on my own before I can take this chance again. I’m so sorry, Max. But I’m leaving you.”
She left him alone in his bedroom, staring at the closed door behind her. Left him wondering if he’d ever be whole again. Left him wondering what would happen next.
Chapter Fifteen
Alexa supported baby Ethan in one arm while she settled into the canary yellow futon. Her gaze swept the high studio apartment with remembered fondness. “I can’t believe how fast time goes by,” she commented. Her massive belly pulled at her maternity T-shirt that declared BOOKCRAZY BABY MAMA. “You have no idea how much wine was drunk in this apartment.”
Maggie rocked Luke as she nursed him. Her sister-in-law gave a snort. “Or how many of Alexa’s dates ended badly. Wine was definitely needed.”
The girls laughed and Carina adjusted the canvas she was working on. “Well, I’ve got a good head start. My Friday nights consist of chick-flick movies and a bottle of red.”
“You don’t have to stay away from our Friday night dinners, Carina,” Alexa said. “Max is barely civil anyway. Ever since you left him, Michael says he stomps around the office causing havoc, and is becoming like Miss Havisham in his big old mansion.”
Carina shook her head. “No, it’s good for me. I’ve gotten so much work done.” She stared at the painting in front of her—the last of the series—and shoved back tears. “I miss him, though.”
Maggie sighed. “I know, honey. But I think you did the right thing. You’ve been jonesing over Max your whole life, and it was always about what you could do for him. Marriage is a two-way street. You need to be strong on your own before you can be strong with someone else.”
Alexa looked at her friend in amazement. “Damn, that was deep.”
Maggie grinned. “Thanks. Been practicing sensitivity for motherhood.”
“Well, I told you I’m looking for a full-time partner for BookCrazy,” Alexa said. “You’d be perfect, and I won’t have to worry about Maggie filling in and chasing away my customers. I’ve already been in touch with a lawyer. We can draw up the contracts as soon as you decide.”
Excitement curled in her belly. For the first time, she’d discovered a talent that made her money and made her happy. Now, with the final painting in the collection, she was ready to take another big leap. She’d placed a call to Sawyer, and a consultant was coming to look at her work. She’d been warned the advisor was brutal, and if there wasn’t a chance at a sale, he’d tell her straight up. Carina was thrilled—she wanted honesty and knew if her art wasn’t up to par, she’d work harder the next time. Finally, her life began to shift and take focus.
Except for missing her husband.
A piece inside of her seemed to be permanently broken without him. Since the day she left, he hadn’t contacted her. Ten days dragged on until it seemed she’d go mad if she couldn’t see his face. He haunted her dreams at night and during the day. She managed to pour most of her angst into her work and hoped the gritty feel of her portraits translated to the regular onlooker. It was funny how heartbreak turned into great art.
Carina brought herself back to the present. “I’d love to be part owner of BookCrazy,” she said. “Thank you for trusting me, Alexa.”
“Are you kidding? You worked your ass off and proved yourself. I give nothing for free.”
Maggie nodded. “She’s a pushover with kids and dogs, but a shark when it comes to business.”
Carina laughed. “Good to know.”
“So, how is Gabby doing? She looks completely healed,” Maggie said.
Carina glanced at the dove who cooed in her cage. Gabby liked to listen to the other birds in the trees outside and seemed content to stay close to her side. But Carina knew it was almost time to let her go. The wing had fully healed, and her owner wanted her back. A tiny flare of uncertainty rippled through her. Maybe Gabby needed some more time. Maybe she wasn’t ready yet.
“She’ll be ready to fly soon.”
Alexa sighed. “I’d love to have a dove as a pet, but the dogs would probably get jealous.”
Maggie snored. “Yeah, my brother with a bird. He almost killed the fish. That’s a disaster in the making.”
Alexa stuck out her tongue.
“Well, we have to get going. Just wanted to stop by and make sure you’re okay.” Carina kissed them and her nephews good-bye. Maggie squeezed her hand. “Just remember, we’re here if you need us. Any time.”
“Thanks, guys.”
Carina watched them walk away with a heavy heart. Then she got back to work.
• • •
Carina clicked off her cell phone with trembling fingers.
She got a show.
She let out a whoop and jumped around the room, throwing in hip-hop moves and general butt shaking. The consultant had torn her work apart and pointed out every item that wouldn’t close a sale. She took the criticism with her chin up and a steel core. Told him she’d do better next time.
He nodded, gave her his card, and left.
One week later, Sawyer called with the news that his friend couldn’t get her work out of his mind. He wanted her to tweak some things, create one more original piece, and he’d give her a shot. Giddiness popped like soda bubbles until she’d imagined she could fly. Carina stared at her BlackBerry and paused on the number.
She wanted to call Max.
Not her mother, or Michael, or Maggie. She wanted to call her husband, who probably wouldn’t be her husband any longer. The one who told her to paint for her happiness, and that she was so much more than she thought she was.
A knock sounded on the door.
Heart pounding, she decided Fate had sent her an answer. If it was Max, she’d leap into his arms and beg forgiveness. Carina walked over and opened the door.
Her mother stood on the threshold.
Her shoulders slumped, but she managed a cheery smile. “Hi, Mama. I’m glad you are here. I have wonderful news.”
With a kiss on the cheek, her mother’s cane pounded on the scarred wooden floors. “Tell me. You seem happy.”
Carina told her the news. The pride on her mother’s face satisfied something deep inside. “I knew you would make a success of your painting. You have been very focused these past few weeks. May I see them?”
Panic nibbled on her nerves. “Umm, I’ll show you when I am finished. You can see them at the show.”
Mama Conte shook her head. “I am sorry, Carina, that is why I’ve come to talk to you. I’m ready to go home. I will return by the end of the week.”
“Oh.” The tiny sound seemed pathetic even to her ears. She’d gotten used to having her mom around. Friday night dinners were boisterous, and like a divorced couple, she and Max alternated each Friday night to give the other a chance with the family. With a deep sigh, her mother leaned her cane against the couch and sat on the battered cushions. “Are you feeling okay, Mama?”