I put my hands on her hips, pulling her tighter against me. “Never.”
She sighs at my answer and looks up at the ceiling for a moment. “Why now?” she asks the universe. There is no answer, so instead, I take her again. And again. And again.
12
As I stand near the beginner’s slope and watch Lila instruct Claire on how to balance her weight on the skis, a yawn escapes. If I have to admit it, I’m a bit tired this morning. The feel of Lila still lingers, as does the memory of her straddling me, squirming under me, and crying out with pleasure in my ear. A hint of her scent keeps coming to me as if she has permeated my senses entirely. Even in the crisp cold breeze, I tingle with a lingering heat under my ski jacket and pants. Last night's lovemaking was incredible; possibly the best of my life. Our touches are electric. Our chemistry is almost impossible to comprehend. And how I feel inside when I kiss her… There is a tug of sadness to think there won’t be more for us, but even so, Lila has changed me forever.
As the two women undertake another short, but from appearances, what will be a successful trip down the slope, I feel a presence beside me. Glancing over, I see Madison looking up the slope watching Claire navigate the hill. There is no mistaking the look of desire, intermixed with tenderness, on her face. “She’s good,” I say and see Madison nod.
“Yes, she is.”
Pausing, I could take the answer in more than one way. Including sexually. But the shine of love in Madison’s eyes tells me she means it as straightforward as it sounds. Claire is good. There is a sensual, yet also sincere air about her that a complete stranger could not miss. Before I comment on my impression of Claire, I notice she and Lila are finishing the run and coming at us. In a flash, I realize Claire is not slowing quickly enough. She will undoubtedly collide with us, and as I move to catch her, I am actually too slow as Madison steps out to take Claire in her arms and stop her slide. The two laugh then kiss lightly. A look passes between them, and for a second, I feel a pang of jealousy. So free to be so much in love. Something impossible for me to have with Lila.
“Shall we go inside?” Lila offers interrupting my thought, and when I look into her face, there is a flicker of something in her eyes. Regret? Not because she wants Madison for herself, but because she also wants love? I wonder if she wishes things between us could be different. Then, the look is gone, and her warm smile is back in place. “I could use a hot drink.”
Kneeling to help Claire out of her skis, Madison nods. “I like that idea. Up to the summit lodge then?” She stands once the boots are unfastened and offers Claire a hand while looking at Lila. “Then, you and I can do a last run? Down a champion slope, perhaps?”
Frowning, I am not a fan of the idea. It would require Lila being out of my sight for a time, yet I know my skills are not up to such a challenge. As if sensing my unease, Lila puts a hand on my sleeve as we move as a group toward the lifts to take us to the summit lodge. “You and Claire can be waiting for us at the bottom.” She looks into my face and gives me a reassuring smile. “Madison can watch over me, although I highly doubt there will be anything to worry about.”
“I'll still worry,” I murmur, and our eyes linger tempting me to lean in and kiss her lips. Taking a deep breath, I restrain myself. Barely. Again, a hint of regret shows in Lila’s eyes as she stares at my mouth, clearly guessing what I am thinking. No more kisses, no matter how much we want it. Still, when our turn comes to step up to the ski lift and sit down, I can’t stop myself from discreetly taking her hand. She does not resist me and instead holds on tightly. The ride up can’t last long enough as we sit together, hip to hip, fingers grasping each other. We don't let go until the very final second before we stand up. When we break apart, I want to say something, tell her I can’t stop thinking about her, but then she hurries forward slipping an arm through the crook of Claire’s elbow. Sadness washes over me. I want her, and I know she wants me, but… Before I can finish the thought, Madison falls back to walk beside me. “Come to the bar so we can get the drinks.”
I'm puzzled by the request, as a waiter would definitely serve us, but curious, I agree. “Not in the mood to wait?” I ask.
Madison shrugs. “Patience is not my strong suit.” At this, I am not at all surprised. We leave the other two at a table near the giant fireplace, and when we are out of earshot, Madison puts a hand on my elbow. She leans in. “I see how you look at her. Don't get carried away. Last night was undoubtedly incredible, but you need to let her go. Do you hear me?”
Every instinct in me wants to jerk my arm away, perhaps even turn and push her across the room, but I pause. My intuition tells me Madison is not one to make idle threats or suggestions out of jealousy. There is a reason behind her statement, and I want to know it. “Not that it is any of your fucking business, but why?” I ask with a snarl. Once we reach the bar, Madison waves someone over and gives him our order for vin chaud all around. While we wait, she turns to me. Her eyes study my face, and I can tell she is not sure how much to say. “Just spit it out,” I say, and Madison nods.
“You’re right. You need to know this.” She glances around to see if anyone is listening to us before continuing. Seeing no one is, she looks back at me. “A couple decades ago, Lila had a special lover, a young woman doctor from the middle east. They worked side by side in a lot of remote countries to help bring vaccines and medical care to those with no other access.”
Taking this information in, I nod but say nothing letting her keep going. “They were quite a pair,” Madison continues. “Totally in love with each other. Engaged, even though you couldn’t really get married back then.”
At this, I frown. “And? Is there some connection here?”
Madison looks me hard in the eye. “You look at lot like her, act a lot like her,” she says.
“Well, I’m not,” I respond, irritated the woman might think I’m put off by anything in Lila’s past. “And I’m confident Lila realizes that. Now, the drinks are arriving, so if you don’t mind—”
“The doctor died,” Madison interrupts. “Killed by a rebel faction.”
I take in a breath and contemplate this. In some ways knowing the information helps me understand Lila a little better. “And Lila never recovered from it,” I state. It is not a question, but Madison nods anyway.
“If you do remind her of the doctor, getting close but then leaving will only hurt Lila more.” Madison’s eyes harden. “So, don’t.” Before I think of a response, she picks up two of the drinks and walks away. I hurriedly do the same and follow.
“That took long enough,” Lila says with a smile as we reach the table, and Madison shrugs as she hands one mug to Claire before sitting down. Claire blows on it before taking a sip.
“Well, it was worth it. This is fantastic,” she says.
I settle in beside Lila handing her a mug. She mimics Claire’s movements and then licks her lips. “You’re so right.” After another sip, she turns to me. “Try it, darling.” As soon as she says it, all four of us at the table grow quiet. A blush comes to Lila’s cheeks before she laughs it off and winks at Madison. “Good grief, I sound like one of your movie stars.” We all join in with a chuckle, but the endearment still touches me. The slip was sincere, and I hear Madison's warning in my mind. It makes so many of the puzzle pieces fall into place. Lila, so loving and perfect, but no commitment all this time? Whispers of lovers, including Georgia DeLane, but never of love. It doesn’t take a genius to put it together. If she gave her heart to the doctor, and then lost the woman she loved entirely, and in so horrible a manner, then Lila's elected to never put herself in that position again. Including with me.