“No. No, it wasn’t.”
“It was. She loved me so much, and I could never give myself to her because I thought that wasn’t what men did. A man slept around and had girls on the side and patronized their partner so she would know her place in the world, and they would be king, like my dad did. And that’s what I did to Marissa.”
“Jack, but you know that she had her own problems.”
“Yes, I know. She was depressed and her family was, well, even worse than ours. And I knew it. I knew it but I didn’t think it was important. I figured she’d just keep on being the perfect fiance, and I’d be the perfect master of the universe. She was a good soul, but together, we were faking it. And it destroyed her. She was not a fake. She couldn’t live the life I was trying to live and she crumbled.”
Mona pulled me to the sand where we sat, never mind our fancy clothes, and she put her arm around me and her head on my shoulder. She stopped trying to say it wasn’t my fault. “It’s okay to take responsibility for your past actions, for disrespecting her and dismissing her.”
“I am. That’s what I’m trying to do with my photography. To see, to really see the people who have been overlooked for so long. To see the beauty in them, the heart of wonder. The love.”
“I am so impressed with you.” She linked her fingers in mine.
“My first photo series was a portrait series of people who had attempted suicide. I wanted to understand her, figure out how I could have saved her. They told me their stories as we walked in a place that made them feel at peace in the world. And I tried to give them that peace in their picture.”
“Oh, Jack,” she said, a crystal tear falling down her cheek. “You . . . you are . .” she didn’t continue. Instead, she tilted my head towards hers and pressed her lips against mine.
We kissed and touched and existed like this, connected, breathing in the same air—but it wasn’t enough. I urged her to straddle me, and she felt so good in my arms, all the bare skin of her back silkier than her dress and warm and so very much her. She was precious to me. She was beloved. I knew I couldn’t tell her—I knew it would frighten her—but I needed her to know. So, I put all my love for her into that kiss, into how much I loved her.
Her head dropped back, dizzily, and I nibbled at her neck, the slender column so delicate and yet, so strong. I pulled the pins out of her hair so I could tangle my fingers in the wild curls, the way I liked. “You are everything,” I gasped, stopping before I spilled my heart to her.
She was overcome. “Jack . . .” she kissed me again, deep and passionately and began to ride me, rubbing up against me in a way that nearly drove me insane.
“Mona, stop. I’m not going to be able to . . . we should go inside.”
She growled, low in her throat. “We don’t have to. We can do it right here. Nobody’s around.”
“It’s a public beach.”
“It’s very out of the way, besides I can just pull up my dress; it will cover everything.” She leaned into my ear, tugging at my lobe lightly with her teeth. “I’m not wearing any underwear you know. They ruined the lines of the dress.”
I groaned. What was I supposed to say to that? Apparently nothing. First, she pulled a condom out of her purse, and then, she reached between us and unfastened my pants. I practically spilled into her hands, so ready and eager for her. With a few motions, she’d rolled the condom onto me, and then, she just lifted her dress and guided herself down onto me. She dropped the skirts to let them float around us, covering us from anyone seeing just what we were doing.
She moaned and pressed her forehead to mine. “It’s so good, Jack. So good.”
“It’s you . . .” I gritted my teeth, reaching for restraint. Then, she started to move. “It’s you, Mona, baby, love, it’s you.” First she went slow, deep, and careful. Teasing. I reached under her long, voluminous skirts and pressed in circles right where she needed it most. “You drive me wild.”
She whimpered and began to ride me hard.
“Yes, baby, yes, please.”
All she said was “Oh . . . oh . . . oh . . .” no words. Her eyelashes fluttered and I pulled her lips to mine so I could swallow her orgasm. Only then did I let go and let the sensations flow over me, through me, into her. She dropped her head to my shoulder, and we both let our breath come to normal.
She sighed. Then we straightened our clothes, and she pulled me to my feet. “Come on, that was only the start. Let’s go back to our room and make the most of these last few hours together.”
She led me by the hand to the hotel, and I could only be drawn behind her.
Last few hours? No. I wanted more time. I wanted more Mona. I wanted more.
Was this all I would be able to have? I couldn’t let this be all.
Chapter Thirteen: Mona
As soon as we got in our suite, I attacked him. I needed all those clothes off of him. I needed to be touching him, skin to skin. I slid his jacket off his shoulders. “You have too many clothes, Jack. What is this? A vest? You were clearly not thinking of me and my need to get you naked.”
He laughed but began unbuttoning the vest. I helped and our fingers tangled.
“Let me,” I said. He cocked his head but dropped his hands, and I stripped him of the vest, unknotted his tie and left him in his silky black shirt, unfastening it button by button. I liked the warmth of his skin under that shirt. I liked the taste. I put my tongue to his shoulder, to his chest, and let the shirt fall to the floor. I began to unbutton his pants.
“So, I get naked and you’re still dressed like a golden goddess? Is that it?”
I shrugged and grinned and went back to his fly. He stopped me with his hands.
“Mona, we need to talk.”
Some emotion I couldn’t identify welled up in my throat. I shook my head and swallowed. “No talking,” I told him, my voice husky. “There are no words more important than this.” I laid my palm to his chest, to feel the steady beat of his heart and the heat of his skin. I kissed the skin over his heart. Then drew his hand up so he could place it over mine. “This is real, Jack, more real than anything we could say about it. Can we just leave the talking for later? Can we just be, here, now, in our bodies for a while and not find a way to process it or make sense of it. Just feel.”
He nodded, his eyelids heavy and his lips parted, sensuous. He took my own in his kiss. “No words,” he murmured against me, then paused. I could hear the thoughts in his head, for now.
If for now was all I had with him, for now would do. Later, we could face the personality conflicts, our long standing enmity, our lives back in Brooklyn, and our inevitable end. It was all too much. For now, we would just be heart to heart, skin against skin, mouth on mouth. His tongue, slippery and hot, against mine.
He cupped his hand behind my neck and tilted my head so he could deepen the kiss, and I locked my arms around his neck, giving myself to him. Everything. Everything I had tonight.
He kicked his shoes off, still trying to kiss me, as he led me across the suite to the bed. I tried to help him by finally getting those pants undone, and they fell to the ground as he kicked them off, nearly tripping us both. We laughed and broke free of each other enough to get into the bedroom and close the door behind us.