“Yeah, the sledgehammer move sort of gave away your emotions.”
I ignore her sarcasm and keep talking. “Soon after, you challenged a belief I’d held for a long, long time.”
Her eyes hit mine. I have her attention.
“Which was?”
“I believed I didn’t need a relationship with a woman lasting more than a few casual nights.” I shrug. “My life is busy. I’m committed to excellence. I have a family I can’t let down. Women are too much work.”
She nods, accepting what I said at face value. “And I’m proving your theory right.”
“You’re sure as hell trying to.”
Her throat bobs as she swallows, but some of her guard drops. It’s no longer a steel wall. It’s a sheer veil.
“The jig is up, Viv.”
Her eyebrows lower in confusion. She doesn’t know what I mean, which is exactly what I intended.
“We connected in Chicago,” I tell her, realizing this conversation might send her running for the hills. But I refuse to live life walking on eggshells. We’re two incredibly strong people and that means we fight it out in the arena, not from the stands. “And at your mother’s gravesite.”
She reaches for her wineglass.
I set my glass aside and fold my hands, remembering that afternoon. “I felt a camaraderie there, standing over her tombstone. You understand what it’s like to lose someone you love. And you felt it too. That bond between two orphaned kids.” Even though she’s living, I can’t count my birth mother as a parent, which Vivian now understands. “We’ve lost a lot. But we have a lot to gain.”
She grunts.
“Say it,” I tell her.
“You’ve arrived, Nate. I’m dead weight. What do you want from me, anyway?”
“Are you shitting me?” Her snarky comment cut deeper than I wanted it to. “I don’t want anything from you. I just want you. Is that so hard to believe?”
She opened up to me in Chicago. She was tender and understanding. She didn’t come out, sword swinging, like she’s been doing since Walt reentered her life. If he has a hangnail she drops everything to take care of him. He’s starting to piss me off. “I thought you were settling in here.”
“This isn’t real life, Nate.” She shakes her head pitiably like I’m the dolt who doesn’t see what’s right in front of him.
“I don’t like when you use my name as a swearword,” I tell her. “And I disagree. This is real life. This is my life. You’re here and you’re real. I’m real. This is a life we’re making together. Don’t you recognize it when it’s in front of you?
“Walt and his issues have taken center stage since we came home from Chicago,” I continue. “I think focusing on his problems is your way of masking your own needs.”
Her eyes flame with anger. She stands and slams down her glass. “And what do I need, Nate? Eight-course meals? A selection of designer clothes? Expensive shoes? Sex?”
“Aside from the great sex, that’s all stuff.” I stand too, plunging my hands in my pockets to broadcast that no matter how much her dander goes up I’m maintaining a level head. “I’m offering you more than stuff. I want you here. I’m in no hurry for you to leave.”
She blinks at me but stays silent.
“Have you thought about managing Grand Marin and quitting the bureau?”
“No,” she huffs.
“No, you haven’t thought about it, or no, you don’t want the job?”
“I’m trying not to think about it.”
Exactly my point. She’s ignoring her own life to hyper-focus on her brother’s. I lean close. “Why not?”
“The other shoe always drops. Always.” Her voice is small. I hate when her voice is small. She’s stronger than this.
“It dropped, Vivian. Both of them. You threw them at me on my job site and then I put the broken one in the dumpster along with its mate. Remember?”
I didn’t plan on admitting this so soon, but here goes nothing.
“I’m falling for you.”
Her mouth opens softly. I cup her jaw. I need what I’m saying to penetrate her stubborn mind.
“I didn’t expect to fall for you. I knew you were a challenge and great in bed. I didn’t put expectations on what we had. I’m busy. I have a ton of my own baggage to sort through. You don’t want a guy like me in your life. You’ve proven that time and again. You’re cagey and jumpy and uncertain.”
“A-and you’re falling for me?” She lets out an exasperated laugh and I fall more.
“Guess so.”
“That’s not very smart.” Her smile is shaky, but it’s there. I scared her. Understandable. I scared myself.
“I’m not always smart. Case in point.”
She bites her bottom lip.
“Who did you call out there?”
After a beat, she tells me. “Marnie.”
I wait for her to explain.
“She’s a friend who knew me back when.”
“Back when you were Vivian Steele.”
“Yeah.” She pulls in a deep breath. “I called her to vent. I needed someone to agree with me.”
“And did she?”
“Yes. She did.” Vivian elevates her chin in a regal tilt. That’s my girl.
“Good. We all need friends who take our sides.”
I sit and pat the sofa in invitation for her to join me. She literally looks over her shoulder like she’s gauging the distance from couch to front door, before sitting primly on the edge of a cushion.
“So, now what do we do?” she asks her hands.
“Finish our drinks. Go to bed. Talk about when we’re introducing your father to Lake Michigan.”
Her laugh seems to surprise her. “You’re crazy.”
“Like a fox,” I mutter.
She looks tired, but not like she’s beat. Like she’s finally able to relax. Like she’s trying on the idea of my falling for her and it’s a more comfortable fit than she expected.
“I have nothing to lose,” I tell her. As lies go, it’s a whopper. My heart is thundering, and it’s suddenly hard for me to breathe.
“Everyone has something to lose.”
She called me on it. We’re not as different as she’d like to believe. My real family was as neglectful as hers, but in a different way. I had too little, she had too much. She believes wealth saved me, but that’s not entirely true. I was saved by hope. William and Lainey Owen gave me hope and purpose, and that was why I left the familiar walls of the juvenile delinquent center.
It’s hope that made Viv’s brother, Walt, accept the job I offered him tonight. It’s hope, and a hefty dash of Steele family stubbornness, that made him announce his plans to marry Dee. His grumbling about the hard lines I drew was a deflection. He wanted to say yes to me so badly he couldn’t sit still. Like his sister, Walt fears hope too.
“You’re right to be wary. Life isn’t without risks.” I slide her hair from her cheek. She’s watching me with wide eyes and yeah, there’s a glimmer of hope bursting through.
“And I’m a risk?” she asks.