“No.” My answer was quick and confident, which didn’t help my case at all.
“There you go.” Kate’s face was triumphant. As far as logic went, she was positive that she’d won the conversation.
“It’s not that easy, Kate,” I replied, watching Murphy hand his teddy bear a fat, plastic hammer. They were “building” stuff down there.
“It could be, Anne. If you’d let it.” Kate gave a final huff and jumped to her feet, putting down her clipboard. “I’m going to run down to the coffee shop and grab some lunch. You want anything?”
I smiled at her. “No thanks, lady. I’m good.” I knew she was exasperated with my stubbornness.
But I also knew who I was. I knew what I was. I’d accepted that a long time ago. And I knew what was most important in my life right now – keeping Murphy and I both as safe as possible.
The bells jingled when Kate went out the front door, and Murphy looked up at me expectantly. “Mommy pway?”
“Sure bud,” I answered, picking up some wooden blocks. Murphy was so cute it was almost ridiculous. “How can I help?”
“Mommy make wall.”
I had just started in on what I determined would be a masterpiece like none other that Murphy had ever seen, when the bell jingled again.
“Did you forget your purse?” I called out, not turning around. Kate always forgot something.
“Well, come to think of it, yeah. I definitely did not bring my purse.”
The voice made me jump straight up off of the floor where we were playing. Penn. It was Penn. Here. Right now.
“Hey!” I greeted him, frozen in place. I was not prepared for this. We were not prepared for this.
“Hey. I know, I know. Just saw ya last night. But luckily, a rancher can always find a reason to go to the hardware store.” He winked at me, and I thought I might pass out. I was beyond giddy to see him, but also...
“Mommy no pway?” Murphy had stood, and was now holding out a block to me as though I must have forgotten the very important task he had assigned me.
I watched Penn’s eyes turn towards Murphy, where they stayed for a few moments. His eyebrows had nearly risen off of his forehead. Murphy eyed him suspiciously.
Penn’s gaze returned to me. “Did he say ‘mommy’?”
7
Penn
I had instantly known exactly what I was looking at when I entered Kate’s Supplies. Gorgeous Anne popped up from behind the counter, her green eyes wide with surprise, but the grin (and the dimple) present in spite of her alarm.
And then a tiny version of Anne – just with much shorter, shaggier hair – appeared right beside her. He called her “Mommy”, but that was information I’d already gathered just by looking at the two of them side by side.
“Did he say ‘mommy’?” The question popped out of my mouth automatically.
Anne froze until the little guy hopped on her like a baby gorilla. She cuddled him to her and smiled widely. “Yeah. This is my son, Murphy. Murphy, meet Penn.”
I saw her raise herself up in that moment. She was 100% proud of her mini-me, even if she hadn’t quite meant for us to meet yet. Anne was a mother, and she was owning it boldly. Her eyes challenged me to say a single negative word.
The lioness was back.
The funny and most ridiculous part of the entire unplanned situation was that Anne was probably preparing herself for judgment, or at the very least for my retreat. And boy, did she have another thing comin’.
I love kids. Until Sarah’s passing, I’d been working toward a degree in educating kids. The campfires and the ranch in general were kid magnets.
Murphy was an immediate plus. At least we could talk about football when Anne was busy.
“Hey little man, my name is Penn.” I held out my hand and he patted it, sort of like a confused high five. It seemed pretty welcoming coming from a toddler.
“You pway with Mommy?” Murphy raised an itty-bitty eyebrow high, just like Anne always did.
“Yes. Your mommy is fun to play with.” I couldn’t help the smirk on my face as I answered him. Even Anne had to grin at that.
“Murph, why don’t you try to build that wall for me, and I’ll check it out when you’re done? You’re so good at building walls!” Anne set Murphy down carefully, and he immediately got to work. Then she turned to me. “So.”
“So... Wow. You didn’t have to keep him a secret, ya know.” I studied her face.
She sighed and shrugged her shoulders slightly. “He’s not a secret. He’s my everything. I just don’t like sharing my everything with the rest of the world.”
“Understandable.” I nodded, putting both hands on the counter and leaning toward her. “But I’d like to think that at this point, I’m not still in the same category as ‘the rest of the world’.”
Anne blushed and smiled softly. “You’re not.”
I wanted to kiss her, but lil’ Murphy was gazing up at us with wide, inquisitive eyes. I winked at him and backed off a bit.
“Well then. If I’ve earned my place on the next level of Anne Johnson’s life, how ‘bout you prove it? Come to the campfire tonight. Bring Murphy. He’ll love it, and you might actually have fun too. No high heels allowed.” I waited expectantly for her answer, reading a myriad of emotions as they crossed her face.
I knew she wanted to come, but she was hesitating hardcore.
“Do you really think that your family is going to... I mean, I’m already probably not what they want for you. And now they’re gonna find out I’m a single mom – I don’t see that going well, Penn.” She was visibly troubled, but every time she peeked down at Murphy her smile returned. She couldn’t help it.
He really is her everything.
“I think that maybe you assume my family is a lot more judge-y than they actually are. Maybe you’re being the judge-y one. Ha. Take that.”
“I am not judge-y.” Anne’s jaw dropped in disbelief, and I had to laugh.
Conversations with Anne were something like a game of Battleship. You knew you could get to her, but you had to fire the right shots. It took a little guesstimation.
“So you’re coming, then.” My smile widened.
“Penn, I didn’t say –”
“Oh, God. The judge-y face is back.”
Murphy giggled from his spot on the floor. I wasn’t sure how much he understood of the conversation between his mother and I, but he sure as heck was enjoying it.
Anne let out a dramatic sigh. “Fine.”
“Fine? What does fine mean?” I kept my face as innocent as possible, knowing I was aggravating the living hell out of her.
“Fine means fine! I’ll come. We’ll come.” Anne put a hand to her forehead like she’d just promised to sacrifice her entire life.
She wasn’t being dramatic now. She really wanted to come, and she really had some unknown reasons to be worried about it.
I wanted to just ask her outright. Tell me what you’re scared of, because you are clearly freaked out about something other than my family.
But Anne would tell me whatever it was when she was ready.