She nodded. “I’m a Suf’afir. If we stick with the image of a house and a door, then you could say that we have the only key. We can open the door and step through, but that’s all we can do. Ithrean has granted us a great privilege, and in return we can’t move while we’re there. We’re visitors in her home.”
“Then how come you have seen lakes and all that?”
“I’m different.” Was that pride in her voice or sadness? “I can move around at will and have explored it since I was a child.”
She closed her eyes, and let out her breath in one, long sigh. “We should catch up with Doran and Levi. There’s something I need their opinion on.”
He smiled. “I didn’t take you for someone who cared much about anyone’s opinion.”
She halted and stared into space. He’d caught her off guard; he was proud of his small achievement.
“No, I—This is different. They are following me, they should know.”
He watched with a grin as she walked away.
After only three steps she stopped again, but didn’t turn around when she spoke. “Don’t feel guilty about being paralysed by fear earlier. I hear it’s a normal reaction to seeing a spirit for the first time.”
For the first time, but not the second. He’d have to do better next time.
He wouldn’t let them down again.
But he didn't start the war out of a desire to rule mankind. That came later, when he became the first victim of the corruption he created. By that point, he was no longer himself. The war was incidental.
Ceallach played with forces he didn't truly understand—as is the nature of man—and it destroyed him.
Chapter 40
Levi
“You were too harsh with him.” Levi led Doran away from Ash. Doran was angry, and Levi understood why. From the look on Ash’s face, however, he was already mortified enough without Doran pointing out how he’d let everyone down. Levi couldn’t imagine freezing like Ash had done, but Levi had been trained to be a warrior. Ash hadn’t.
Levi had seen the regret Ash felt over his inaction, but Doran hadn’t. Or he had seen it too, but had shouted at Ash anyway. Levi didn’t think Doran was spiteful, but perhaps he was emotional, adrenaline still boiling hot in his veins after the fight.
“He nearly got himself killed,” Doran said.
“But he’s alive because of you.” The Elders had always told him that in battle, he could only count on himself. But he could rely on others too. “You worked together and you survived. That’s what matters.”
“I wouldn’t call it working together.” Doran’s voice had lost its sharp edge. His anger was cooling. “He did nothing, I did everything. That’s how it’s always been. He gets himself in trouble, I get him out of it.”
Levi smiled, and sat on a log. They were far enough away now for the others not to overhear their conversation. “You defended him. Weeks ago, when we saw those spirits Naavah Ora killed by herself, we didn’t know what to do either.”
“No, but we still drew our weapons.”
“Not right away. If Naavah Ora had got injured, she could have blamed it on our hesitation.”
Doran sat next to him. “I suppose you’re right.”
For a moment, they watched Naavah Ora and Ash talk. They exchanged confused glances when Naavah Ora laughed. She’d hated Ash only an hour ago.
“What was she doing when she just stood there?” Doran asked.
“She told me to cover her, and I did,” Levi said. “She looked like she needed to focus. I didn’t want to distract her by questioning it.”
“That explosion…” Doran shook his head. “We’ll have to be nicer to her, Ginger. Don’t tell her I said that, but she scares me when she’s angry.” They laughed, and the tension disappeared. “How do you fight like that? You make it look so—so—elegant!”
Levi blushed. No one had ever called his fighting elegant. It had never been quite enough. He’d always been too slow, too sluggish, too clumsy. No matter how well he’d thought he’d done, his trainer never missed a chance to remind him of his lack of skill.
“You don’t mean that.”
Doran looked right at him. “I do. You were incredible.”
Levi looked at his feet. He couldn’t bear to hold Doran’s eyes any longer. “You were good too. You’re much stronger than I am.”
“Strength clearly isn’t everything. I don’t think those spirits felt any more confident for your lack of muscles.”
“And you’re better with your hands than I am. We—”
Doran laughed.
“What did I say?” His face flushed a bright red when he went over the words in his head. “Oh no, that’s not what I—”
“Never change, Ginger. You’re too much fun.”
He focused on the soil by his feet again. If it made Doran laugh he could be careless when he spoke more often.
“Why didn’t you move when Naavah Ora cast her spell?” Levi asked.
Levi had known it was pointless, and he imagined Doran had known it too, but wasn’t running from danger a normal response? He’d known he wouldn’t survive an explosion while he was this close to it. He’d also known he wouldn’t be able to run far enough before Naavah Ora released her spell, but he’d just begun to appreciate life. He didn’t want to die like this. He didn’t want to throw away the life Doran had given him, and he didn’t want to die without at least trying to live.
But Doran hadn’t made any effort. He’d just stood there and waited.
Doran didn’t look at him when he spoke. “I couldn’t move.”
“Yes, you could. You’re braver than this. Why didn’t you try to get away?”
Doran didn’t answer. His eyes had glazed over.
“You want to die.” It hurt to say it. If Doran felt anything at the blunt statement, he didn’t show it. “Why?”
Doran didn’t look up. “It’s a long story.” That he didn’t deny it hurt even more.
“Tell me. Maybe I can help.”
“You can’t fix the mistakes I’ve made. There’s no point talking about it.”
He hated seeing Doran like this. Defeated, weak, and regretful. This wasn’t him. This wasn’t the Doran he knew.
“Please?”
Doran sighed. To Levi’s disappointment, he got up. “They’re coming. We should talk about the attack.”
“Doran—”
“Maybe one day, Ginger. I make no promises.”
A maybe was better than the no he’d had a moment ago. If he could help Doran in any way, he would.
My people looked to me and my siblings and worshipped us. They thought us gods.
How I have betrayed them. How I must have fallen before them.
Chapter 41
Naavah Ora
“There’s something we need to talk about,” Naavah Ora said when they met in the middle of their ruined camp.
“Like why we were attacked when you were sure nothing had followed you?” Doran asked.