Theo hesitates. I start to reach for the sewing scissors in my pocket.
“You can look at the maps,” he says at last. “I suppose.”
And then, before I can figure out how to intervene, he’s leading Ale away. I run into the parlor and hover over the trunk. I don’t want to leave Ale up here. But we don’t have much time before somebody in these quarters figures out Verene is missing. I have a very small window of opportunity, and I can’t waste it.
I drag the trunk into the dining room, very aware of the conspicuous slide of it on the tile. I push open the doors and stand poised at the top, looking down into the shadows.
I’ll just quickly search the well and then come back. But I didn’t expect that I’d have to go down this staircase by myself. Now, when I find out what’s really happening in this city, I’ll be facing it alone.
But that doesn’t scare me. I was alone in the watercrea’s tower, and I handled that just fine.
I try to take the first step, but my body rebels. It won’t. It can’t. It remembers the cold floor of my cell and the chains around my wrists. It remembers the sounds of the prisoners around me, their breath rattling as they barely clung to life.
I grit my teeth. I have this city’s ruler tied up in a trunk. I’m in control now. I’ll always be in control.
I pull the trunk onto the landing of the staircase, shutting the door behind me.
Last year, Ale was at my house for our usual afternoon coffee. Two of my aunts were chaperoning us and sewing in the corner, bored out of their minds, while we steadily demolished an overly generous serving of raspberry tart.
“I found out the reason Giulia was crying when we left the reception,” I said. “Her new husband got drunk and told her he’d rather have married her sister.”
“Oh, that’s…” Ale pushed the last bit of tart in my direction. “Is she all right? That’s horrible.”
“It’s hilarious,” I insisted.
I idly tapped my fork. Giulia was two years younger than me. It’s possible I was a bit grumpy about having to stand in the crowd while she got to parade around as a bride.
“Isn’t it ridiculous, though?” I said.
“What?” Ale said. “Giulia’s husband wanting to marry her sister? I suppose he can’t help who he falls in love with, but…”
“Isn’t it ridiculous that the only thing standing between us and our own marriage is my womb? And all because the cursed thing refuses to bleed.”
Ale paled and gave my aunts a nervous glance, but they didn’t even look up. This was nothing they hadn’t heard before.
“It clearly has a mind of its own.” I considered, then dropped my voice. “Do you think I should… hurry the process along?”
Ale paled even further. “You can do that?”
“I’ve been contemplating it. If I say I’ve got blood coming out of my nether regions, what man is going to stick his head down there and check? Paola will go along with it. We’ll just—”
“No,” Ale said.
I paused, my fork halfway to my mouth. “No? Why not?”
“You…” His eyes darted around the parlor. “You shouldn’t.”
“But I want to,” I said.
“But—” he said.
“Yes, Ale, I know it’s against the rules.” I set down my fork. “But I’m bored of this juvenile lifestyle. It’s time for me to be a married woman. Just because we can’t have children yet doesn’t mean—well.”
I stumbled a bit over the words. I met Ale’s eyes accidentally, and we both looked away. I noticed our feet were touching under the table. They often were, because he had no concept of where to put his absurdly long legs, but all of a sudden, it seemed very urgent that we not.
Ale and I spent quite a lot of time listening to our families talk about our future children—how pretty they would be, how numerous they would be, and how many deceased relatives we could name them after. To everyone else, the children were the entire point of our marriage. They were the entire point of our existences. But somehow, when it was just the two of us, this crucial topic never came up.
Ale fiddled with his napkin. His knee was now jiggling and rattling the plates. All at once, I decided I was tired of this unbearable awkwardness. We were best friends. We talked about everything else, so we could talk about this, too.
I poured more sugar into my coffee and stirred. “I don’t know what you’re so worried about anyway.”
“What?” he said.
“It will be much worse for me,” I said. “I’m the one who’ll have to squeeze out your enormous babies.”
He went very still.
“I’m quite pretty down there, just by the way.” I pressed on despite my extreme discomfort. “And it’s all going to get wrecked by your—”
He set down his coffee with a loud clink. My aunts paused in their sewing.
“Don’t,” he said.
“Don’t what?” I said.
“Don’t make light of it,” he said. “You know… you know I don’t—” He cut himself off, glancing at our chaperones.
I leaned closer.
“Oh, and you think I do?” I said. “Do I sound like I’m giddy with anticipation? I’ve just decided to be mature about it. If we don’t produce heirs, they’ll nullify our marriage. Or did you forget?”
“Well…” he said.
“Well?” I said, uncomprehending.
He looked away. He was still jittery, his face pink and agitated.
“It’s just…” he said. “It’d be nice if any of it was real.”
“If any of it was real?” I said.
The words felt like broken glass in my mouth.
“Wouldn’t it?” He looked back at me. “Does that really not matter to you?”
I didn’t like the expression on his face. I didn’t like the tone of his voice. It felt presumptuous. It felt like he thought he understood how this all worked better than I did.
I jumped to my feet. I grabbed the front of his vest and dragged him out of the parlor, and as soon as we were out of my aunts’ sight, I pushed him against the wall.
“You want something real, do you?” I said.
“I was just—” he said.
“If that’s what you want,” I said, “then you can go propose to your beloved Manfredo, who doesn’t even know you exist. Let’s see how that goes for you. How do you think that will go for you?”
“I—” he said.
“If that’s what you want, then there’s nothing stopping you,” I said. “You can give up your title. You can give up your house. You can give up ever doing anything with your life, because you’re never going to do it without me.”
He stopped trying to protest. I glanced at the doorway of the parlor just in time to see a shadow shift across its threshold. That meant my aunts were pressed against the wall, eavesdropping. Ale and I never argued. This was undoubtedly the most exciting thing they’d witnessed all day.
“If that’s what you want—” I let go of him and turned away.