Tamara, the female celebrant, greets us when we arrive, ushering us into a cozy waiting room filled with colorful couches and an assortment of beanbags. She runs through the ceremony with us, explaining a few things, before stepping into the room next door, giving us a few moments alone.
Saint and Galen are on either side of me, and I fling my arms around them, urging the other two to join us with my eyes. We stand in a circle, with our arms locked around one another, and no words are spoken, because none are needed. Emotion is thick in the air and in their eyes, as my gaze meets theirs, one at a time. My heart pounds as the magnitude of what we are about to do truly sinks in.
This is it.
The moment we bond ourselves together for life, because there’s no doubt we’re in this forever.
The strains of my favorite Paramore song waft from under the door, and we break apart with matching smiles. Saint and I slip our wedding bands off, adding them to the box Theo holds open with the other three bands. Then Saint opens the double doors to the main room, and one by one, my handsome guys walk up the aisle, carpeted in a purple-and-gold-patterned rug. The quaint little room is adorned with large, vibrant prints on the wall, an abundance of floral arrangements, and cute little wooden chairs decorated with white ribbons.
I have no nerves as I follow last, singing along with Hayley Williams, clutching my bouquet in my hands, grinning as my guys watch me walk toward them with various adoring awestruck looks.
We hold hands in a circle as Tamara conducts the ceremony, and this time, I hear every beautiful word. My smile is so wide it threatens to split my face, and my heart is so full I half-expect it to burst from my chest.
She speaks of a commitment of the heart and the soul and how love transcends all. One by one, we speak the vows we each wrote, and I can’t hold my tears at bay any longer. I have to repeatedly pause when reciting my vows, overwhelmed with the love pouring into me from my four men.
“When I was young, I aspired to a love like my parents had,” I say, smiling at all of them. “I wanted to find that one person who owned half of my soul and bond myself to him for life. After I was kidnapped, I lost the part of my soul that believed in good things and I struggled to hold on to the notion that I deserved love. I couldn’t believe love was strong enough to mend the splinters in my heart and the damage to my psyche.” I smile through my tears at Theo. “You helped to restore my hope, but when we ended, I fell into a deeper well, and I did what I needed to, to survive. I shut off my heart to protect myself from ever feeling heartbreak again, and I closed myself completely to the notion of love.”
My chest heaves as I stop to draw a breath. “And it worked for a long time. I existed by numbing myself to all feeling, but I wasn’t really living. I never thought I’d find anyone worthy enough to crack through the shell I’d erected around my heart. Until I met all of you.”
My lower lip wobbles, and tears spill down my cheeks. “Just look at how far I’ve come,” I add spontaneously, laughing through my tears.
Saint lifts his hand, brushing my tears away.
Tamara smiles warmly, encouraging me to go on.
“I didn’t even cry at my father’s funeral,” I admit, my tears giving way to overwhelming sadness. “And I loved him so damn much, but that’s how closed off I was.” I let my gaze linger on each one of them in turn. “When all that stuff came to light about my dad, and I realized my parents’ marriage wasn’t what I’d thought it was, I would’ve convinced myself love didn’t exist, if I didn’t have you. Every day I struggled to accept what I now knew of the past, you were there, showing me what true love looks like and feels like.”
I lift my shoulders confidently, and the swell of love in my heart for these guys is irrefutable and infinite. “Love isn’t hearts and flowers or unicorns and rainbows. It’s messy. It’s real. It’s raw. It’s flawed. It hurts as much as it heals. But true love is life, because that’s what you’ve all breathed into me. I’m finally living because your love has broken through my walls, and you’ve reached deep inside me, reminding me who I am, demonstrating that love does exist and that I am worthy of it.”
I stop again, and my chest heaves with the weight of the love I feel for them. “I love you all now and for the rest of my life. You are the missing pieces of my soul I didn’t realize I was searching for. Now, I feel whole.” A serene calmness washes over me as the words resonate deep in my heart and soul.
I look to my left, at Theo, and we break our handhold so he can retrieve the box with our rings. I remove Theo’s first. “I thought of engraving your rings with a different message for each one of you, but I changed my mind. I love you all equally, even though what we share is uniquely different, because you all love and support me in different ways. But the sentiment is the same. I didn’t believe love existed for me—until I found you.” I let my gaze roam between them. “You are the only exception.” There’s a reason I’ve been hooked on this particular Paramore song for weeks. The words speak to my very soul, and there was no other fitting phrase to engrave on their rings.
I slide the bands on each of their fingers, fighting a fresh bout of emotion. “I want you to wear those words on your fingers and imprint them into your hearts forever more, because you are the only ones who were ever worthy of my heart, and you are the only ones who will ever own it.”
CHAPTER 19
WE’RE ALL GIDDY, and maybe a little drunk, as we leave the restaurant, spilling out into the dark, chilly nighttime air. Caz and I are walking ahead of the others. “Fuck, my balls are icing up,” Caz moans, wrapping his arms around his chest as we walk down the sidewalk toward the limo.
“Want me to warm them up, baby?” I purr, grinding my body up against his.
I shriek when he scoops me up into his arms, running toward the car. “Now you’re talking.”
The driver opens the door, and Caz slides me inside, slapping my ass as I scoot over in the seat. He clambers in behind me, and my fingers pop the buttons on his jeans, as I lick my lips in anticipation.
The guys have given me a truly memorable day. After the commitment celebration, we moved to a steak restaurant, where Theo had reserved a table in a quiet private nook. We dined on mouthwatering steaks and drank the finest champagne—courtesy of our new fake passports—and conversation was lively, as we took some time out to just enjoy ourselves. All the shit waiting in the wings will still be there when we return to Lowell tomorrow, and we made a deal not to talk about anything Sainthood related today. So, we laughed and kissed and touched, and I never want this day to end.
Caz groans as my fingers wrap around his hard length. Thank fuck, we have the privacy screen up.
Saint pops an eyebrow when he crawls into the limo, plonking his sexy ass in the seat across from us. “Starting the party without us, my queen?” he asks, tsking while his eyes drop to where I’m stroking Caz.
“What happened to princess?” I inquire, pumping Caz faster as he nips and sucks at my neck.
Galen and Theo get in the car, shutting the door behind them, and the limo pulls away from the curb.
“Our wife has never been a princess,” Saint says, and my heart blossoms in my chest. I will never tire of hearing that word leave their mouths. “She’s always been a queen.”