Have I been so obsessed that I’ve forgotten everything she means to me? All that is important?
Theo looks at me with genuine concern, Caz looks shellshocked, and Galen looks like he’s two seconds away from slicing my head off my shoulders. I wouldn’t blame any of them for ripping me a new one. I’ve been so single-minded, so focused on the goal, I’ve lost sight of what matters.
I’ve lost sight of my wife, and I haven’t treated her right. I haven’t loved her and cherished her like I vowed to, and I’m full of self-hatred. I’m disgusted I was so wrapped up in my head, in what I wanted and needed, I failed to see how I was hurting her.
Shame smacks into me on all sides, and I hang my head. A tight pain rips across my chest, and intense pressure settles on my shoulders. I have let everyone down, and it’s time to man up and accept responsibility. Lifting my chin, I stare at my beautiful, brave wife. “You’re right, Lo. I’m sorry. So, so sorry.”
Her arm slides around my back. “I just want my husband back,” she says over a sob. “I just want you to love me and for things to go back to the way they were before.”
That shakes me out of my melancholy. I have never stopped loving her.
That’s a virtual impossibility.
“Baby.” I hold her face in my hands. “You have always been my queen, and that hasn’t changed. I might have lost my way, but I have never stopped loving you. You’re my world. I’m so sorry for how I’ve been treating you. The last thing I ever want to do is hurt you.” Tears prick my eyes. “I just want a baby with you.” My eyes lower to her flat stomach. “I dream of seeing your belly swollen with my kid. Besides you, it’s the only thing I’ve ever wanted this much.”
“I know, honey.” She presses her forehead to mine, and I drop my hands, taking hers. “And I want that too, but I don’t think we’re going to get pregnant if we continue with the regimented routine because it’s stressing me out and making me unhappy.”
“That stops now. I promise.” Her relieved smile loosens some of the knots in my shoulders. “What do you suggest?” I ask, peering into her gorgeous green eyes.
“Let’s drop all the planning and just go back to the way we were. Fucking when we want, not when we have to. Let it happen naturally. We don’t have to rush this.”
“What if it doesn’t happen?” I ask because we might as well get everything out on the table. I’ve been afraid to voice this fear, as if saying the words out loud might make it real. “What if there’s something wrong…with me?”
She flings her arms around me, squeezing me tight. My arms band around her warm body, and a sense of contentment—the kind that’s been missing these past few months—seeps deep into my bones. I hold her tight, closing my eyes, savoring the feel of her pressed against me.
“I bet there is nothing wrong other than us trying to force it,” she says after a while, easing back so she’s looking at me. “But if it doesn’t happen by next year, we can talk to a specialist.”
“Okay.” I nod.
Her eyes fill with tears again, and it’s unlike Lo to be so emotional. Maybe she’s… I stop my train of thought because I’ve got to let it go. Nothing is more important to me than my wife. Not even a baby even though it’s everything my heart desires. But making things right with Lo takes precedence. I hate that I’ve hurt her. That I’ve left her feeling like I don’t love her anymore. Rectifying that is all that’s important now.
“Really?” Her eyes spark with hope.
“Yes.” I kiss her cheek. “I want to make it up to you. I can’t promise it will be smooth sailing, but—”
“I know who you are, Saintly.” She cuts across me, smirking, and I can’t remember the last time she took that teasing tone with me. “And I know who I am. I kinda lost my way too, but not anymore. I won’t let you force the agenda.”
“We won’t either,” Galen says. I’d almost forgotten they were there.
“You two should go away next weekend,” Theo suggests. “Take Lo someplace special for your birthday.”
“Would you like that?” I ask, brushing loose strands of hair off her face.
“I would love that.” The dreamy expression on her face unravels the last of the tension in my body.
“Consider it done then.” I run my thumb along her lower lip, and she visibly shivers. Her eyes flash with heat in a way I haven’t seen for a while. I kiss the corner of her mouth. “I love you.”
Her eyes turn glassy again as she smiles. “I love you too.”
I open my mouth—to ask permission to kiss her—before I mentally slap myself upside the head.
I’m Saint fucking Westbrook, and I need no permission to kiss my beautiful wife.
Lowering my head, I claim her lips, and every part of my body rejoices as her lush mouth moves in tandem with mine.
Chapter 6
Harlow
“WANT SOME COMPANY?” Caz says later that night, entering my bedroom. I set my book down and smile at my husband.
“I’d love some.” It’s amazing how much lighter I feel after the family talk earlier.
Saint and I went for a walk on the beach while the others went to meet up with Freya. We talked and talked for hours, cuddled and kissed, and we both needed that. Being with him like that again reminded me of everything we’ve been missing out on, and I can’t wait for our romantic getaway. Saint is insisting on organizing it and he wants to keep it a secret until Friday. I’m already on a countdown.
Peeling back the covers, I pat the empty space beside me. Caz shucks out of his sweatpants, climbing into the bed in only his boxers. He opens his arms, and I settle my head on his bare chest. “You’re so warm.” I nuzzle in closer, my fingers lightly tracing the ink on his chest. The guys got them done last year—a large heart with my name and the kids’ names inside. They left space for the planned future addition to the family, and I truly hope they’ll be updating their ink next year.
I have all their names, along with the kids’ names, inked on the inside of my right arm, and every time I look at them, it brings the biggest smile to my face. Caz’s strong arms tighten around me, and I briefly close my eyes, savoring being held by him. “You always make me feel so protected.” I sigh in contentment when his hand weaves through my hair.
“I’m glad because I would go to the ends of the earth for you, queenie.”
I press a kiss to his chest, right over his heart, where the family ink rests. “I know you would. As I would for you too.” I look up at him, spotting the telltale purple shadows under his eyes and frowning. “What’s keeping you awake at night?”
His eyes lower to mine, and I get lost in the warm brown depths. “You and Saint were part of it. I’m glad we talked things through.”
“Me too, and it’s going to be okay.” He nods, and I can tell he’s happy we are getting things back on track. “Is it your mom?”
“Yeah.” His face showcases his concern. “Has something happened?” Have I been too self-absorbed to notice his pain?