“I’m just tired of the kids at mine.”
“I felt that way about high school too.” Maybe commiseration would get me further than prying. We turned from 212th onto Main Street. I was running out of driving time. “You may find this shocking, but I wasn’t one of the popular kids.”
“You just gave me a list of your favorite science-fiction movies. Why would I be shocked?”
“Because in your movies, the tall blonde girls are always popular.” I was a little surprised Amber wasn’t, or at least that she was having trouble this year. My excuse was that I’d grown up in the woods in Mom’s converted school bus and had barely known how to have conversations with normal people when I’d gone from homeschooling straight into public high school.
“Not when you’re six feet tall. And in the AP classes. And don’t want to date anyone. Why does that make you every horny guy’s special project? Everything was fine last year, but then I got boobs and became more interesting or something. And the girls I thought were my friends are annoyed because the guys are asking me out instead of them. Like it’s my fault. I’m not even charming.”
“Really.” I didn’t mean for Willard’s deadpan to infuse my voice, but it might have happened.
“Was it like that for you? You must have been hot. I mean you still are. You know what a MILF is, right?”
“Yeah, we had that term even back in the nineties. How lovely that it’s still trendy.” I turned the Jeep onto Thad’s street, slowing it to a crawl. “So, I’ve got a couple of ideas for you if you’re interested.”
“From personal experience?”
“From personal experience.”
She fell silent, and I imagined wheels turning as she decided if my experience could possibly be relevant and if she truly wanted advice from me. I was encouraged that she’d opened up as much as she had.
“Go ahead,” she said grudgingly. “But don’t say anything stupid or after-school-special-ish.”
“I’ll use my vocabulary words if you want.”
That earned another snort. I couldn’t tell if it was derisive or appreciative of my humor. Probably the former.
“Well, I never found that turning your back and walking away was that useful. You usually just get jeered at and harassed more, despite all the advice out there to do just that. Having a quick wit can be a great weapon—I know you can whip that out—and if you can insult them cunningly enough to make them look like idiots in front of their friends every time, they’ll probably stop approaching you, but you may make an enemy for life, and that won’t help with popularity.”
“I don’t care about popularity.” Amber didn’t sound that convincing, and I guessed that her existing friends being annoyed with her stung more than the drama with the boys. “And I get flustered when they’re bothering me. I always think of the witty insults five minutes after they’ve gone away.”
“That’s pretty typical.” I pulled into the driveway. All the lights in the house were on, and Thad’s silhouette was visible at the living-room window. “Another option is the decoy boyfriend.”
“And that is what?”
“Make a deal with a boy who’s been a friend for a while, who also isn’t dating anyone, and who’s just cool enough that the soccer team won’t try to beat him up. Pretend you’re dating, and then the other guys will get that you’re not available and should leave you alone.”
“You want me to lie about dating someone?”
“Just make sure he knows about it and doesn’t care. Maybe you can offer to do his homework or something.”
“Val, parents aren’t supposed to give advice like that.”
“What did you expect from the woman who ate your pot stickers before we got in the Jeep?”
“You did not.” She squinted at me. “Did you?”
“I told you. Pot stickers are ephemeral.”
“You only get bonus points for using a vocabulary word once.”
“You’re a tough audience.”
Thad opened the front door and stepped out onto the porch, his hands on his hips.
Amber sighed, grabbed her practice gear and one of the takeout bags, and slid out of the Jeep.
“Make sure to leave Zav’s skewers,” I said.
“Don’t worry. Nobody wants your dragon’s meat.”
“Well, not nobody,” I murmured before considering Amber’s above-average hearing.
“Gross, Val. Parents also don’t make sex jokes in front of their kids.”
“No? I bet you won’t compare me to an after-school special again.”
“That’s a fact.” She shut the door and walked through the elegantly landscaped front yard, muttering a response to Thad’s query asking if she was okay, but not pausing. She disappeared inside.
I wished I knew if anything I’d said had helped.
Though I was tempted to peel out of there, both to avoid a lecture from Thad and because I hadn’t heard from Zav yet and was worried about Nin, Thad headed toward the driveway. I’d missed my opportunity for a swift departure.
I stepped out of the Jeep, leaned against the door, and asked, “Eggroll?” as he approached.
“No. Look, Val—”
“I’m sorry.” I lifted my hands. “I should have brought her back right away. I was trying to suss out what was wrong and why she was punching boys.”
“Yeah? And how’d that go?” His voice dripped with sarcasm, which was unusual for him. He had to be frustrated with the whole situation.
“She told me a few things.”
He rocked back, losing some of his bluster. “She did?” The surprise turned to a scowl. “She wouldn’t tell me anything.”
“You two probably didn’t have a similar high-school experience. I seem to remember you admitting that nobody hit on you, not the other way around.”
“Not nobody, just… not many. Wait.” Thad shook his head. “They’re hitting on her? Like harassing her?”
“You don’t punch a boy who politely takes no for an answer and walks away.”
Maybe I shouldn’t have said that. Fury blazed in his eyes, and he looked ready to punch someone himself. But he walked that back, visibly loosening the fists he’d balled. “I’m going to talk to her principal tomorrow. And get the names of those kids. And talk to their parents.”
“Ugh, don’t do that. They’ll definitely harass her then.”
“What would you have me do then?”
“See if she can figure it out. I gave her some advice.”
“Great. She’ll switch from punching people to shooting them.”
“That wasn’t my advice. Just start tossing out decoy boyfriend when you pass her around the house.”
“I don’t know what that means, but I’m positive it’s not the correct answer.”
“Hey, my advice is brilliant. Aren’t things going better with you and Nin since you got her the rice maker?”
He slumped against one of the landscaping boulders, some of the stiff anger draining out of him. “That was a good suggestion. And I don’t know what exactly happened that night Amber… came to your house.” He’d been about to say ran away, I gathered, but couldn’t bring himself to say it. “But she’s been less hostile toward Nin since then. They muttered hi to each other the last time Nin, uhm, came to breakfast.”