“Do you know one?” He waved toward the window, the detective visible getting in his car, which he’d parked in a loading zone across the street. “You implied you have someone.”
“I was bluffing. I’ve asked for legal representation before, but lawyers find me difficult to work with.”
“Huh.”
“I’ll pretend not to notice your lack of surprise.” I clapped him on the back and headed home to see what Zav was doing to vex Willard—and if he was ready for our trip.
10
I found Zav in the living room with Willard, sitting and watching the TV while she stood beside him with the remote and… was that a pointer? She flicked her hand, and a red laser beam highlighted a table with elegant place settings, plates with dainty portions of an exotic salad, and a voluminous flower arrangement in the middle, all over a lacy white tablecloth that draped to the floor.
“You’ll note the small portions brought out by caterers from the kitchen,” Willard said. “There’s no buffet laden with animal carcasses.”
“That portion is minuscule. And it is of leaves.”
“My niece is vegetarian. There were no meat products at her wedding.”
Zav rose to his feet as if he’d been slapped on the cheek and challenged to a duel. “No meat! Why would you show me such a ridiculous festivity? Dragons would not be satisfied with anything like this.”
“I’m just trying to impart that a wedding should be elegant.” Willard had noticed me come in, and she shot me an exasperated look. “You can have meat, but it should be prepared in a kitchen by a chef, not roasted over a spit. This is a wedding, not a reenactment of Neanderthal times.”
I rubbed my face. Maybe employing Willard to help hadn’t been the best idea.
“I’ve interviewed a priest,” she said, as Zav turned toward me, his fist on his hip, “and found someone who’s willing to do the ceremony outdoors and says he has officiated over quirky weddings before. I’m not sure he meant ogres, per se, but I’m hoping they’ll get distracted by something else and won’t show up. Do you have a wedding photographer booked yet?”
“No. And I was thinking of a secular wedding, so maybe we don’t need a priest.”
Now Willard put a fist on her hip. “Even if you’re not that religious, don’t you think you should play it safe? Have your ceremony blessed by a priest in case it helps in the eyes of God.” She looked at Zav. “This union could use God’s help.”
“Dragons are not theists,” Zav informed her. “My mate, I have checked on the artifact and brought back news. I did not expect to be waylaid by your employer when I arrived.”
“I’m here to help,” Willard said. “Val wants a respectable wedding.”
“Is that a harpist?” I pointed to the TV.
“Yes, she was quite lovely. I’ve found someone local who is also willing to play outdoors, as long as there’s a gazebo or other covered structure so her harp strings don’t get wet if it rains.”
What happened to my request for a DJ? And a buffet?
“I’ve spoken to the florist and selected four possible flower arrangements for you to select from—no, make that three. Bouquets overflowing with ranunculus are too cliché. Besides, you’re too strong a woman for such ruffly flowers.”
What the hell was a ranunculus?
“Who are you and what have you done with my boss?”
Willard squinted at me. Why did I have a feeling she was planning the wedding she wanted instead of mine? I needed to try harder to get her hooked up with Dr. Walker. Maybe if she were busy with a new relationship, she would want to spend less time on my wedding plans. I hadn’t envisioned anything this elaborate when I’d asked her to help.
“Someone who’s attending and doesn’t want your parents—or your mother at least—to feel like she’s walked in on a freak show.”
“Val’s father is coming,” Zav stated. “I told him about the wedding.”
“Oh?” Willard asked. “That should be… interesting.”
“Yeah. I haven’t told my mom yet.” I walked in and clasped Zav’s hand. “What did you learn about the artifact?”
“According to our scientists’ records, that particular Zhapahai had been missing for a long time. Several generations ago, it was lent to a dwarven scientist, but he disappeared during a research trip, and the artifact was never returned. It was believed to be on Dun Kroth somewhere, but the dragon scientists had other Zhapahai, so nobody went searching for it.”
“So… it was hanging out on a shelf in some dwarven laboratory until our thief found it?” I asked. “Is she stealing on the dwarven home world as well as on Earth?”
“It sounds like we can only speculate for now,” Willard said. “Until you capture her and have a chat with her.”
“Won’t that be fun?” I muttered, hoping she didn’t have access to any more magical boxes. “I’m ready to go when you are, Zav. Unless you want to discuss flowers further, Willard.”
“Not at this time.” Willard looked at Zav. “Do you have any way to determine if the thief activated her portal and went back to Dun Kroth? Or if she’s still here on Earth?”
“I do not,” Zav said.
“If she’s after my sword, she’ll probably go wherever I go,” I said.
“You think she can track it through dragon portals?” Willard asked.
“I don’t know, but once I learn all the secrets of my sword on Dun Kroth, maybe it’ll lead me to her.” I didn’t mention that getting answers about Chopper’s complete capabilities was of more interest to me than catching the thief. If she was hunting me, she would find me sooner or later.
“You’re asking a lot of a piece of metal,” Willard said.
“A dragon blade is a superior weapon of great craftsmanship,” Zav said. “I do not see the point in plucking flowers from the ground for a festivity, but if this is a necessary human custom, perhaps the flower arrangements at the wedding should be bundled to look like Val’s sword. Would this not be more aesthetically pleasing than blobs on a table?”
“No,” Willard said, even as I thought a sword-shaped bouquet would be cool. I wondered if it was possible.
“I don’t know if you can do that with flowers,” I said, “but I bet we could get a sword-shaped cake. There’ll be a dessert, right, Willard?”
She lifted the remote and fast-forwarded to dessert being brought out on small plates. “My niece had individual tiramisu cups served to all of her guests.”
Judging by Zav’s expression, he was even less impressed by the delicacies than I was.
“Dragons will not eat sweets,” he said.
“More for the rest of us,” Willard said.
Zav gripped his chin and contemplated me. “We could shape one of your meat cubes in the likeness of a sword.”
“That is technically true,” I said. “As long as they fit in the smoker.”
“Meat cubes?” Willard touched a hand to her chest. So that was what the word aghast looked like on a person.