He spoke to her through a broken mouth. He was weeping, tears making messy tracks down his bloody face. “My daughter,” he said. “I’m sorry too.”
Even that was a lie; she could tell it was a lie. How could he murder people, then say he was sorry? She didn’t want his lies. She wanted forgiveness for her crimes.
Through the sound of her own sobbing, Lovisa heard the distinctive hiss of a varane tank. Glancing up at the airship, she saw the guard staring at Benni, who was crumpled on the ground. The guard looked once at Lovisa. Then, producing a blade, she cut her tether.
With a swing of the boom, the guard caught the wind and headed north toward Kamassar.
* * *
—
The journey back to Nev’s house was horrible.
Benni wouldn’t stop talking, and his words were always directed at her. Lovisa, exhausted, heartbroken, alone, was engaged in a battle inside herself, a battle to keep hold of reality.
“I never wanted any of this to happen.”
“Your mother threatened to hurt you and your brothers if I didn’t obey her.”
“We can have a life together now. The courts will understand. We’ve lost a lot, but we’ll have enough for the five of us.”
The queen, who stayed near Lovisa, told her that they could gag him if it would help, but Lovisa couldn’t give the order to gag her own father, especially not when his mouth was broken and bleeding like that.
Finally, she cried out to him. “Why do you have to make this worse for me? Isn’t it bad enough already?”
He perked up at her response, eagerness surging in his voice. “But, Lovisa! I’m trying to make it better! Don’t you see? We can be free of all this now!”
“I heard you,” Lovisa said. “I heard your conversations with Mother. I know you’re the one who kidnapped the queen. I know you killed Pari, not Mother. I know she didn’t want any of that. I know you drowned the men on the Seashell! I know you trapped Katu in that cave, with that horrible scientist building explosive weapons above him!”
Benni sat with that for a while, in an injured sort of silence. The evening grew darker, and colder, as they sailed; Lovisa was grateful to be unable to see his face. But he could put so much into his voice. He’d always had that power. She supposed he was a consummate actor.
“That really hurts,” he finally said. “You can’t imagine how it hurts to hear those words from you, Lovisa. I’m your father. Are you forgetting everything I’ve done for you?”
She heard low, sharp voices telling Benni to shut his mouth, and became terrified that someone would hit him again. Finally, in desperation, she leaned herself against the queen. She let Bitterblue wrap her small, strong arms around her own shivering form. She let Bitterblue rub her back while she wept.
“I’ll be held liable for the Gravla house, you know,” Benni said, in a new voice. A voice of reproach, for a bad daughter. “And their airship, which is even more expensive. Probably the Tima airship as well.”
“Let us gag him, Lovisa,” Bitterblue begged, close to her ear. “Don’t let him do this to you. He’s bullying you!”
“I can’t,” she whispered, crying harder.
“It’s absurd to imply that anyone drowned those men in the Seashell,” Benni added, in a voice that contained both reproach and a kind of fatherly chiding, for a daughter who was being silly. “There’s been nothing to suggest that. Not a jot of evidence.”
“I’m going to tell you all about the Royal Continent,” said Bitterblue in her ear. “More than you ever wanted to know. I’ll tell you about every Graceling I’ve ever met. Okay?”
“Okay,” said Lovisa.
“You’re worthy of love, Lovisa,” said the queen, whose voice was close enough to drown out Benni’s voice, which had risen again. “You’re stronger than the way he’s making you feel.”
“I’m not,” she cried.
“Of course you are,” said the queen. “Haven’t you figured out that Hava would be dead if it weren’t for your quick thinking? That we couldn’t have rescued Katu or Hava without your knowledge of the cave? Don’t you remember that you saved my life?”
* * *
—
To the sound of the queen’s chatter, Lovisa finally fell asleep.
When the boat reached land, she woke to the feeling of being carried. She cried out, needing to know where her father was.
“Our magistrate took him into custody,” a gruff voice said. She could feel the voice vibrating right through her body. It came from Davvi, who was carrying her against his chest, like a child. “He’s on his way to the Ledra Magistry now.”
Lovisa thought of her father being pulled away from her, dragged across the sky, all the way to Ledra. She thought of her mother, dead. Katu had stayed behind at the house with the house staff, who were going to care for him, and keep the guards bound until the Magistry could come for them. “Where are my brothers?” she asked. “Who’s taking care of my brothers?”
“We’ll find out for you, Lovisa,” said Davvi. “I promise. For now, you can let yourself sleep. We’ll help you figure out the rest tomorrow.”
She believed him. Did that mean she’d given up, if she trusted him? Was it safe?
Carried in the strong arms of Nev’s father, Lovisa surrendered herself to sleep.
Chapter Forty-one
In early morning, Lovisa woke in Nev’s bed.
It was all done now. The mystery of the banker’s box solved. Katu found. The criminals captured. The Monseans could go home; it was over.
But for Lovisa, there would never be an end.
Cautiously, she reached up, felt her face, her hair, her neck. She had a small bandage on her forehead, and a split lip. Everything hurt. Her body screamed with tender places when she moved, but when she tried, she was able to stand.
When she stepped into the house’s tiny, main room, there was already a distinct sense of something new: departure. Giddon and Hava sat at the table, filling their mouths with stew and talking to Saiet. Hava didn’t look like she should be sitting up. Purple bruises ringed her copper-colored eye, shocking against her pale skin. She also had a bandaged forehead, a plaster cast on her lower leg and foot, and she gasped whenever she moved. But she seemed cheerful.
“We’ll go back to Ledra soon,” Giddon was saying to Saiet. “Everyone’s waiting for Bitterblue.”
Saiet, noticing Lovisa, held out a hand to welcome her. “Lovisa,” he said, and she braced herself against the questions she knew were coming. What about you? When are you leaving? What are you going to do now, with the ruin of your life?