“You found me,” said Lovisa.
Then, after dinner, she waited until the boys had pulled Mari into some sort of long and complicated card game, then slipped out on her own.
She needed to think, by herself. And Lovisa was still shy around Mari. Being at his house was a way of being near him without actually having to figure out how to be with him. Lovisa kept getting a sense that Mari wanted something she did not currently want. It would probably come to a conversation, sometime soon. Now, however, felt like the time for waiting. She was being careful.
Anyway, Lovisa needed some fresh air, and the stars above; she needed a long walk, to settle some of her swirling thoughts about the queen’s offer. I could figure this out better if I were standing on a cliff above the sea, she thought, then snorted at herself, knowing Nev would like that she’d had that thought.
As she neared the campus dorms, she saw Nori Orfa on the path ahead, talking to a girl Lovisa recognized as the sister of one of Mari’s friends.
“Oh, hi, Nori,” she said airily as she reached him. “I’m writing a letter to your girlfriend. Any message you’d like me to pass on?”
The poisonous look that crept into Nori’s face was extremely satisfying, because it was ugly. It made the girl with him hesitate, then take a small step back.
Inside the dormitory, Nev’s door was open. Lovisa considered passing on by, but she couldn’t quite. Something drew her to Nev’s doorway, some understanding that even if she couldn’t talk to Nev about the queen’s secret offer specifically, talking to Nev about something else—anything—might still help. Nev had that effect.
Nev was watering the plants in her window, from a tin watering can with a long, graceful spout. When she saw Lovisa, she shot her a tiny smile. “How are you?”
“Fine. You?”
“All right.”
Nev was suffering these days from a small heartbreak. Not Nori; she seemed to be coping fine without Nori. But her fox, Little Guy. The fox had apparently decided not to bond with Nev, and wasn’t living with her anymore. It had something to do with Quona Varana, though Lovisa didn’t know the details. She only knew that neither human nor fox should be allowed to break Nev’s heart like that.
Lovisa had offered to share Worthy with her. Laughing, Nev had told her she must have Worthy to herself. “Don’t worry about me,” she said. “I’m surrounded by animals in my life. You keep the one that’s yours. You need him.”
It was the sort of protectiveness that warmed Lovisa with surprise, then always made her think sharply of her father. Benni had been her protector too, when she was younger. But this protectiveness from Nev, which showed up in a lot of different ways, was different. When people tried to approach Lovisa on campus, Nev’s shoulders could get very big and swaggery, her face very unwelcoming. It made some tight thing inside Lovisa, some sense of guilt or obligation, relax, in a way she’d never relaxed with her father. Lovisa hadn’t worked out the difference. It was one of the things she’d been thinking about recently.
“You look tired,” said Nev now.
“People keep asking me my political party,” said Lovisa, rolling her eyes.
“Do you have to have a party?” said Nev. “Couldn’t you just have beliefs?”
“That’s a nice idea,” said Lovisa, “but then who would vote for me?”
“Running for something, are you?” said Nev, with a crooked grin.
“Definitely not.”
“Do you want to come in? Or just hover in the doorway?”
Sometimes Lovisa got confused about whether Nev was flirting. Did she want Nev to be flirting? And then she would worry that she was hanging around Nev the way she feared Mari was hanging around her; and Mari was her oldest friend and Nev was Mari’s ex; so could there possibly be anyone more complicated for Lovisa to be having these confusions about?
And then Nev would give her a sly grin and invite her in, and Lovisa would stop caring about Mari. Then get confused and worried again, then remember who she was. She was Lovisa Cavenda. Lovisa Cavenda was a person who would just ask Nev outright about it one day, plain and straightforward. And then she would deal with Nev’s answer, whatever it was. She had a feeling Nev would deal with it too.
Lovisa entered and sat on the rumpled blankets of Nev’s bed, patting around for Little Guy before remembering that Little Guy was gone. Nev leaned in her window comfortably, with her arms crossed.
“Who would you vote for?” Lovisa asked Nev.
“Someone who gave silbercows a voice in government,” Nev said, without hesitation.
“Really?”
“Really. I think it’s a travesty that they’re unrepresented. Also, someone who protected my family and understood our needs in the north. Someone who cared for the land.”
“That sounds more like a Scholar in name,” said Lovisa, “but not necessarily in practice.”
“Maybe you should decide what you want to change in the world,” said Nev, “instead of which party to join.”
“I think you’re being too idealistic.”
“If you start waxing poetic about how it’s because I’m a northerner who talks to glaciers, I won’t make you any tea,” said Nev.
Now Lovisa was grinning. “What kind of tea?”
“What kind do you want?”
“Something that’ll help me make an important decision.”
“Hm,” said Nev. “How about I make you something harmless that won’t interfere?”
“That sounds fine.”
Nev set her little pot on her stove, then came to sit with Lovisa, cross-legged, while the water boiled.
“What are you trying to decide?” she asked.
Lovisa spent a moment finding a way to express it without revealing the queen’s offer. “I’ve been thinking about my father,” she said. “About how he used to protect me.”
“How did he used to protect you?”
Lovisa shrugged. “My mother would have these rages. I would run to my father, knock on his library door. He would sit me in his favorite chair, fuss over me. Order me some tea or something nice to eat. If my mother came looking for me, he would hold her off at the door, telling her he was handling it. It was nice. It’s one of the reasons I’ve always felt like my care of my little brothers is inadequate. I never held my mother off from them.”
Nev sat up straight, something hard in her face. Lovisa shrank, certain Nev was angry at her for not protecting her brothers better.
“Lovisa,” Nev said. “Do you understand that it was never your job to stop your mother from hurting your brothers? That was the job of your father.”