“How soon can we get to that house?”
“It’s a few hours by sea,” said Saiet. “We can arrange a boat for you, and we should talk about how to get those of you with no particular magic onto the property,” he said, with a deferential glance at Hava.
“I could appear at the gate under the guise of a traveling animal doctor,” said Nev.
“There’s a traveling everything, here in the north,” said Davvi. “I could be a traveling builder.”
Bitterblue was rubbing her braids the way she did when her tiredness was turning to achiness.
“Let’s decide tomorrow,” said Saiet, noticing. “Tonight is a night for going to bed early.”
Of course, if Davvi had worried about the Monsean delegates sleeping in the barn, his objections to the Monsean queen doing so were all the more earnest. When Bitterblue insisted that she’d slept in haystacks before, Giddon and Hava both started laughing.
“What?” said Bitterblue. “I have! You wouldn’t believe the places I slept with Katsa, when we were running away from my father. Katsa can balance herself on a plow blade and have a good night’s sleep.”
“You’ll have a bed in the barn,” Giddon said. “A very comfortable one.”
“But it’s true that it may not be fit for a queen,” said Nola quietly.
“It’s fit for me,” said Bitterblue. “And I’ll feel safest close to my friends.”
* * *
—
In his own tiny, warm room, Giddon lay in his bed, closed his eyes, and listened to the wind blowing fiercely around the barn. It muffled all other sounds, making him feel like he could be private with his thoughts. Of course, he began to cry.
This is who I am now, apparently, he thought to Bitterblue, who was in the room next door. He never had to pretend-talk to her again if he didn’t want to. And he didn’t want to. Should he speak to her? How could he, with Katu’s fate unknown? He needed to let her recover and he needed to give himself time to come down from his own sense of overwhelm. He let his tears run, knowing that there was too much baffled happiness coursing through his veins for him to sleep anytime soon.
His door clicked open and closed. Light footsteps crossed the floor.
Startled, Giddon propped himself on an elbow, watching Bitterblue approach. The face she presented to him, gold in the brazier’s light, was full of so many things. Fear. Uncertainty. Determination. “Giddon?” she whispered.
She sounded so frightened as she said his name that he held out his hand, confused. “Yes?”
She put her hand into his. It was small and cold.
“Bitterblue?” he said.
“I’ve been obtuse,” she said.
“Obtuse?”
“Yes,” she said. “For a very long time.”
Giddon understood what was happening. He couldn’t help understanding what was happening. But that didn’t mean he could believe it. “I’ve been a coward,” he said.
“Giddon,” she said, “you’re never a coward. I’m the coward!”
“I’ve been a coward for a very long time,” he said, dropping every defense, pulling her closer. Showing her his tears, and bringing her hand to his lips.
She let out one small breath. Then she knelt by his bed and reached her hand to his face, turned her own face up to his, and he could not believe their lips were touching, that he was actually kissing her perfect, soft lips. “I may be about to faint again,” he said.
“Well, I like your scratchy beard on my face,” she said, then climbed into the bed with him and began nuzzling his throat. The blood was most definitely rushing away from Giddon’s head. When he told her this, she said, “Where do you suppose it’s rushing to?” which almost made him shout with laughter.
“Sh!” she said, giggling. “We have to be quiet! I don’t want Hava to hate us in the morning.”
“No, I don’t want that either,” he said, still laughing, kissing her. “I can be quiet. But, Bitterblue, slow down, just a little. We have all the time in the world.” And really, truly, he was dizzy, and completely overwhelmed. A miracle was happening and he felt like he was missing it.
Out of nowhere, she burst into tears. Her tears turned to sobs and she clung to him, gasping. Instantly he sprang into action, holding her, soothing her, almost a little relieved, because this made sense to him.
“I love you,” she said. “I’m scared of losing you.”
“I know,” he said. “You won’t.”
“You can’t know what’s going to happen! You can’t know what I’m going to do!”
“Yes I can,” he said. “You’re going to be the friend to me that you’ve always been, and I’m going to show you that you’re safe now. We are not going to lose each other. You’re not alone with your fears, Bitterblue. We’re a team now, you see?”
“Hold me very tight,” she said, “please?”
That was easy. He wrapped his arms around her firmly. As her tears quieted, he kissed her hair, and thought a few things through.
“I think I’m a little shy of touching you,” he finally said. “I mean, sex-touching. You know? You’re my favorite person in the world, Bitterblue, and we’ve been friends for years. It’s a lot all at once. Until a few hours ago, I didn’t even know you were alive.”
“I can understand that,” she said, still sniffling a little, but calmer. “It’s different for me, because I’ve been fantasizing about you for days.”
“You have?” said Giddon, who found this very interesting.
“I have,” she said, the corner of her mouth turning up. “I’ve got a lot of questions. For your body, I mean.”
“Do you?” he said. “I have answers.”
Bitterblue laughed, then hugged him in the familiar way. She smiled into his neck. “Do you know about kittens?”
She’d spoken the word in Keepish. “Kittens? As in, baby cats?”
“Sort of,” she said. “No, not really. Not at all.” She began to trace her hand down his neck and over his shoulder, down his arm, his hip, his thigh, creating pleasurable shivers all along his side. She did it again, as if she was petting him.
“When you do that,” said Giddon, “I begin to feel less shy.”
She did it again. “Do you?”
“Does this have something to do with kittens?”