“If I promise to be as discouraging as possible, will you tell me?”
“I’m worried about this plan of yours. You asked me to be your girlfriend in truth, and I agreed because I truly empathize with the pressure you’re under.” His thumb smoothed over mine, distracting me from my thoughts for a moment.
“This is the problem,” I said, lifting his hand and untangling his hold on me.
“Horrible problem,” he agreed. “Hand holding usually involves two hands. It’s not fun if I’m holding myself. That’s just lonely.”
I wrinkled my nose at him.
“The problem isn’t holding hands; it’s how much I like doing it. What happens when you’re ready to try finding your mate again? I wanted to hurt Eras for threatening you, and you saw how I behaved when my mom innocently entered the bedroom to check on us. I’m worried I’m becoming possessive. What if you find your future mate, and I hurt her because I can’t control my reactions? Or worse, what if I start taking your offers seriously and feed from you? Mom said that you would try to get over me. Try, Fenris. That does not sound like immunity.”
He continued to drive, not saying anything for so long that I huffed a sigh.
“I don’t want reassurances, but I do want your thoughts. Unconditional honesty goes both ways.”
He groaned and ran a hand through his hair.
“I’m conflicted. I know I’m pushing you, and the reasons behind my actions are purely selfish. I want to give you what you want, Eliana. But doing that means cutting myself out of your life. Is that what you really want? Me gone?”
My chest constricted at the thought.
“No.” The word was a tortured whisper.
“You know a little about my kind, but not everything. I’ve watched mated pairs find each other. There’s no fighting it. There’s no wanting to fight it. I know the girls are afraid of a stranger scenting them, and that’s why they’re after me. But what they don’t understand is that, when it’s their mate, he won’t feel like a stranger to them.”
He stole his fingers through mine and gave my hand a light squeeze.
“I can give you two promises with absolute certainty. I’ll never allow you to hurt my mate. And, feeding from me won’t change my future, only yours.”
It wasn’t easy to withhold my scoff at his promises as I let his words tumble around in my mind. But as I did, I grasped the truth of what he was saying.
He truly wouldn’t allow me to hurt his mate, just as he hadn’t allowed me to hurt anyone. Even myself. He protected me, and I didn’t see that stopping when he found his match. It was just who Fenris was. Granted, the reasons behind his protection might change, but his intent, his actions, those wouldn’t.
His promise about feeding was trickery. I saw it for what it was, an attempt to offer himself up to me again. Yet, as I’d pointed out to Mom, Fenris had a way of saying one thing while thinking another. It wasn’t lying, but it was a way of letting other people believe what they wanted. In this case, me. What did he think I wanted to believe, and what did he really mean? How would my future change by feeding on him? No, that was the wrong question. A distraction he added to throw me from the real issue. Would Fenris remain unaffected if I fed from him? Again, that was the wrong direction of thought. He hadn’t said he would be unaffected, only that his fate wouldn’t change.
And that was my answer. He would be affected, but once he found his mate, it wouldn’t matter. He’d still go to her. He’d still love her completely and likely forget about me just as Mom said. But how would I feel about that?
I sighed, suddenly understanding everything he’d said. He knew me well enough to know that my feelings for him were growing and that feeding from him would create an attachment and complicate things for me, not him. He would never deny me a meal, but he already knew what would happen.
“I believe you,” I said. “Thank you for the warning.”
His fingers twitched on mine, and he glanced at me.
“Warning?”
“That feeding from you would cause me to become more attached and complicate things for me when you find your mate. That I need to be careful, which isn’t going to be easy if you want to keep casually touching me like this.”
I indicated our joined hands, and he stared at me for a long, grin-free moment.
“That’s not what I meant.”
“Then what did you mean? How is my fate going to change if I accidentally lose control and feed from you?”
He exhaled slowly and focused on the road.
“We’re so close, Eliana. Can we hold off on this discussion for a bit longer?”
I noted where we were and quickly agreed. We were already on pack land, and talking about this was probably the last thing he wanted to do when he was trying to get into the mindset that we were together to convince his dad.
“Of course. Let’s talk about your plan to convince your dad.”
“That’s simple. We’re going to go to my house and hang out in my room with the door closed.”
I cast him a doubtful look.
“I’ve never allowed a girl in my room before.”
“Ever? But Jenna—”
“Slept on my couch and knew better than to try to force her way in.”
“Not even Aubrey?”
He shook his head. “She knew it would have crossed a line with me.”
A ball of worry formed in my middle. He drew that line for all his girls and was willing to break it with me, but only after warning me not to get attached…for my sake? I didn’t understand what I was getting into, and that lack of understanding was the source of my nervousness.
Fenris’s thumb rubbed over mine again.
“You’ll be okay,” he said. “Dad will be shocked when he catches us, but happy.”
“Catches us?”
“It’s the same with him as it is with Adira. He won’t believe me if I march in and announce we’re together. He’ll need to see proof. Us together in my room will be that proof.”
“Um, what are we going to be doing in your room?”
He flashed a grin at me.
“The options are endless. There’s my extensive rock collection. I could show you how I’ve perfected throwing cards into a boot in case I ever go to prison and need to pretend to be bored.”
“You have no plan, do you?”
“Hey, I’m feeling a little pressured here. Performance anxiety is real, you know. I might not hit the boot now.”
Shaking my head at him, I relaxed into the seat.
“Fine, but without a plan, I don’t know how to act or react, so if things go wrong and your dad doesn’t believe what you want him to, don’t blame me.”
“Just be yourself, Eliana. Everything will be fine if you do that.”
Everything didn’t feel fine a few minutes later as I walked hand in hand with Fenris through the trees. I felt watched, but not the same kind of watched I’d experienced in these woods or by the cabin. This felt more open and curious, less… I couldn’t even put a word to what the other times had felt like. Sinister, but not. Like something was waiting to attack, but that I had nothing to fear, which made absolutely no sense.
As soon as we reached the clearing, a trio of wolf cubs raced past us. The front one’s legs tangled, and it tumbled tail over snout. The other two pounced on the first. Playful growls emitted from the jumble of moving fur.