“No,” he answered my thought.
Did I say that out loud?
“Yes.” He sighed, tossing aside my wrappings and lifting my leg up to slide off my boot. “The Darkness will find a way to kill us all whether it can locate you or not.”
I stumbled as he pulled my boot free, and his hand shot to my hip to steady me.
“I suppose it’s just as well.” I stared down at him—at this massive man on his knees before me. The thought had another absurd laugh bubbling in the back of my throat. “You aren’t really that smooth with the ladies anyway.”
He stood slowly, his hand still on my hip. “What?”
I gestured the couch that him and the blonde had populated earlier. “You and that woman. You were so cold. Glaring at her, the way you glare at everything.”
He dragged me forward, his grip tightening, his other hand wrapping around my hip as he pulled me up to my toes. Our hips met, his fingers flexed, and his eyes weren’t cold at all. They were so hot they burned, spreading a flush over my skin. My head felt like it was full of rocks, and those rocks were now tumbling down, cascading pebbles all through my mind. It was a mad, rumbling disaster. I couldn’t think straight. His gold eye hardened like a shield, and I swallowed, unable to focus on the details for too long.
“I’ve never had any complaints.” His voice was low, husky, considering. “I could have had her right there, in front of everyone. She would have welcomed it.”
“But you didn’t.”
“It wouldn’t have been fair.”
“To who?” My voice was tight with confusion.
“Her. I wouldn’t be thinking about her.”
“What would you be thinking about?”
He groaned, his eyes closing momentarily. He breathed deeply, his exhale carrying another rough sound. “Not what. Who. And not because I wanted to.”
“Do you want to do those things with me?” I asked. “The things you say we can’t have?”
His fingers dug in, spreading out as they had against the blonde’s leg, except that this was different. This grip wasn’t to elicit a reaction. It didn’t even seem deliberate. It was a visceral response to my question—like the short breath he sucked in, and the tick that trembled along the side of his jaw. His thumbs brushed down, his gaze falling along my neck before quickly flicking up again. He held my hips so tightly to his that I was almost pulled entirely off my feet, and then he pushed me away.
“Not even a little bit.” He stalked to the door, pausing with the handle in his grip. “I trust you can manage the rest on your own?”
I nodded, though he couldn’t see me, and he left through the door a moment later, shutting it firmly behind him. I stared down at the ground, the mark on my lip burning, my chest straining. I tried to pin down what I was feeling as I sat on the couch and struggled with my remaining boot. It slipped through my fingers, and I flicked my leg out, trying to make it fly off. I seemed to have lost all ability to grip. After managing to kick it off using my other foot as leverage, I laboured over the laces on my bodysuit, taking far too long to draw it off.
My skin was flushed a rosy pink, my head wracked with confusion. There was something wrong with me. I was provoking Calder for no good reason. He protected me, offered me friendship, saved me … and it wasn’t enough. It would never be enough.
I realised it as I stared at the golden shield adorning the front of the dress on the floor. Calder would always be the golden-eyed warrior who discovered me in my darkest, most shameful moment. He had been fated by birth, someone crucial to this world, someone special. He had been raised as a Vold, as I had always dreamed to be. There were stories of him—of his strength and bravery—while I remained locked in my tiny house within Breakwater Canyon, sweeping ashes from the fireplace.
He would always be the Captain.
Clever. Invincible. A hero.
And I would always be the Tempest—a horrible force of nature crawling up from the dark. Worst of the worst—I was marked as such, but sometimes two evils could destroy each other. That’s why they needed me. Calder might have been the other half of me, but he was the better half of me, and everyone knew it.
With a sad shake of my head, I grabbed the dress, stepping into it and fitting the hard, golden bodice around my torso. The wings extending from the shield rose up to cup my breasts, and though they were moderately covered I still realised a little too late that the dress probably required the sectorians’ bodysuit to be worn beneath it. There was a soft knock on the door at that moment, and a woman poked her head in. A steward attendant.
“Good to see you again, Tempest.” She slipped inside, closing the door behind her. “I was sent in to help you dress.”
I tried to place where I had seen her face. “Have you given me a bath before here in the Keep?”
She smiled, slipping forward, taking up some of the loose pieces of silk.
“No, but I knew you when you were younger. My mother used to talk about you all the time—she was a kynmaiden, like your mother. They walked to Hearthenge together often.”
She tied the pieces of silk over my shoulder, and then secured the golden bodice properly—hooking the wing-tips together behind my back.
I didn’t know what to say to her, so I stayed quiet until the most insane question popped into my head.
“How’s your mother?”
“Dead,” she clipped. “The plague took her. I didn’t get to say goodbye. I haven’t been home from the King’s court in over a year.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. I heard you were handing out medicine back home. Thank you.”
“I was only following orders.” I half sighed, finding it too difficult to expel the full breath as tightly as I was tucked into the bodice. “And I’m sure you heard other things too.”
“That you saved an unborn baby.”
I scoffed. “Is that the story they’re telling now?”
She was quiet for a moment, fussing with the transparent skirt. “It’s not what they said at first,” she admitted quietly. “But people are scared. They need hope. They need a champion.”
“Why is that?” I stilled, wondering if I were imagining the entire conversation. Does she know?
She stepped back, staring at my skirt, her brows jumping up. “You’re not wearing underwear. I’ll be right back.”
She slipped out of the room, Calder catching the door before it could close and stepping inside.
“Don’t look,” I said, holding up a hand, like it could block his vision. “I forgot underwear.”
His eyes shot straight to the top of my skirt. “That was a serious oversight. Turn around.”
“Why?”
“Just do it.”
I began to turn, but he stopped me with a barked laugh, shocking me into pausing.
“For the love of Ledenaether, I wasn’t serious.” He shook his head, the cool surface of his eyes cracking to reveal something else. Something that may have even been warmth. “Is the attendant coming back?”
I nodded dumbly, still staring at him.
“I don’t think we have time for that. The festival started a while ago, you’ve been too busy stumbling around in here to notice.”