She lets out a bark-sounding laugh. “So what then? We were just in some stupid, obligatory bullshit entanglement? Because I lost the baby?”
I pull on my clothes, trying to think through how to explain things, but I feel like no matter what I say, it’s not going to help. She’s standing in front of me, gripping the sheet around her body as big teardrops fall down her face yet again.
“You’re my friend, Leigh. I wanted to be there for you. I needed you to be there for me too. Yes, things started out purely physical between us. Our sexual chemistry was—is—off the charts, but it grew into more. It grew into a very real friendship and I care for you so deeply. I’m just not ready, Leigh. I’m not ready for another relationship right this second.”
I know I’m pleading with her. I just don’t want her to give up on us because I need more time . . . but it’s written all over her face that her mind is made up.
“I don’t need any more friends.” She won’t even look at me. Her eyes are fixed on the floor as she speaks flatly. “Please leave.”
13
Leigh
I’m completely frozen in my sheet. The only sounds I hear are Grant’s footsteps across my front room followed by the shutting of the door as he leaves. I stand in the middle of my bedroom, my world collapsing around me all over again. Only this time I’ll pick up the pieces alone.
I feel the panic in my chest begin to squeeze my lungs. They burn and I shake my head.
“No, you can’t do this again. You have to be strong,” I tell myself. I have a business to run, classes to teach. I can’t let some asshole ruin my world when his will be just fine.
I give myself tonight. That’s it.
Get out the tears, the sadness, and move on from Grant Rossi.
I pick up my phone, not even bothering to check the time. I pull up my last exchange with August. I type out a message and hit SEND before I can second-guess myself. It’s time I focus on myself and do what I came to this town to do.
Me: Make the offer on the building.
Numb.
That’s the only word to describe how I’m feeling. These last few weeks have been a complete nightmare between losing the baby and finding out I was nothing more than an obligation to Grant.
“Have you heard from him? Or seen him?” Steph asks as we sip a crisp Riesling in the backyard of my apartment building. The sun is going down and the coolness of the air settles over me. I pull my sweater around me a little tighter.
“Nope. Hasn’t come to class, hasn’t been to Grand Lake for all I know.” I stare at the small flames dancing in the fire pit.
“Your poor garden,” Steph says, changing the subject. I look over at it and realize the plants have wilted and several rotten tomatoes now dot the ground.
“Yeah, waited too late in the season to plant them,” I mutter, pushing away images of Grant and me laughing and kissing when we planted them.
Happier times.
“I’m worried about you,” she finally says.
It took a few days after the debacle with Grant, but I finally reached out to Steph and told her everything. The miscarriage, the breakup . . . can I even call it a breakup? She let me cry on her kitchen floor while she made me cookies.
I’ve cycled through so many ups and downs, but I vowed I was done wasting tears over a man who only saw me as a fun distraction while he got his life right.
“Hey, what are you doing this weekend?” I ask her. “Want to go to Boulder with me? Hang at my parents?” I look over at her, ignoring her previous comment. I appreciate her concern, I do, but I just can’t stomach another “heartfelt talk” about my feelings. I just want to go out, dance, get drunk, and do something irresponsible like make out with a hottie on the dance floor.
“Oh, sweetie, I wish I could, but I’ll actually be out of town myself. Need to head back to Wyoming to take care of something.”
“No worries, I’m sure my parents will be thrilled to have me all to themselves. I can hear my mom’s prying questions already.” I laugh.
“Tell them I said ‘hi,’ though. They really are wonderful people.”
“So tell me something to cheer me up. Met any hot dudes at The Lariat? Ryder made a move yet?”
She laughs and shakes her head. “No to the hot dudes, since it’s always the same old guys in there. Although Mr. Newsome, that retired police chief who’s like, 345 years old, keeps asking me out.”
“No Ryder, huh? That’s wild. Given the way he looked at you, I thought for sure he was into you.”
She just shrugs and takes another sip of her wine. I can tell she gets guarded whenever I bring up Ryder—or any man, for that matter—so I don’t pry.
“Oh! I can’t believe I forgot to tell you, but they accepted my offer. I got the building!”
“Holy shit, Leigh! Cheers to that!” She holds her glass up to mine and we clink them together. “So what’s next then? After you close, I mean.”
“I’ve been putting the word out that I have a studio coming. My soft-launch goal is still several months away. Now I just need to hire the staff and do some renovations. The place is in good shape but I need to get a front area built—desk and cubbies and such—and then finish the locker rooms. The inspector went through and there were only a few things the previous owners will need to fix. I also hired a contractor to go through it and do a deeper inspection. Not cheap but worth the money.”
“That’s amazing, Leigh. Seriously, I’m so happy for you.” Steph reaches over and squeezes my hand. “And hey, if you need any help or want to hire me, I’m down,” she says with a laugh.
“What about the bar?” I turn to face her.
“It was just a temporary gig when I first got to town. The tips are great, but I can’t be a bartender forever.”
“Well, I’ll keep you in the loop then. Thanks.” I smile back at her before standing up. “Ooh, this wine has gone straight to my head and I have three early classes tomorrow before I drive home to Boulder.”
I walk Steph to her car and wish her good night.
“Hey,” she says, opening her car door. “If you do go out in Denver or Boulder, would you just text me please? Someone should know where you are and what you’re up to.”
I laugh and say I’ll let her know.
“Oh sweetie, this is such a lovely surprise!” My mom hugs me like she hasn’t seen me in a decade. “What’s the occasion?”
“Just wanted to stop in and say hi. It’s not like I haven’t been here in years, Mom.”
“I know, but we just weren’t expecting you.” She ushers me inside as my dad grabs my bag.
“Well, I wanted to also tell you guys that I bought a building and I’m officially opening my second studio!” I hold up the keys and jingle them.
My parents have been my biggest cheerleaders since day one—always encouraging me and giving me advice, even when it wasn’t what I wanted to hear.
“I’m going to text your brother Jason to see if he and Claire want to come over for dinner with the boys,” my mom says, stepping past me to grab her phone from another room.