Just a few days home and I was second-guessing everything about my life.
I needed to get the hell out of here sooner rather than later, because I had a plan.
And I needed to stick to it. Ivy was making me want things I didn’t think I could have and that scared the shit out of me.
Chapter Fifteen
Ivy
“Always stay in control. You don’t need a man to make you happy.” Coco, college junior
Addy and I finished singing “Cowboy” by Kid Rock, which was our specialty, and Ty and Jett laughed their asses off as we danced and sang like fools onstage. We’d eaten and had several drinks and almost everyone in the bar had approached Ty for his autograph now. He kept looking over at me nervously, as if I would be annoyed. I wasn’t. I was proud of the fact that people loved his music and admired him. Ty had worked hard and sacrificed a lot to get there, and he deserved all the glory. He didn’t seem to enjoy that side of the business though, and I hated the thought of him being lonely. Because I’d most definitely recognized the fact that even with all the dates I went on and the tight friendships I had with my best friends—I’d been lonely the past five years. Lonely for something that only Ty could fill. I needed to tread lightly these next few days, because once he was gone, he wasn’t coming back. At least not on a regular basis. So I needed to remind myself that this was a gift. A brief period of time that I could truly enjoy myself. And I knew now that Ty was on a different path and if I wanted the things I wanted, I’d have to settle for something less than what we shared with someone else and just accept that. I’d deal with all that baggage after he left. I was just going to hold on to my heart with both hands because even though it would hurt like hell, I couldn’t afford to let it shatter this time.
Closure.
That’s what this was. At least that’s what I kept telling myself.
The bar started to chant Ty’s name as Addy and I stepped off the stage. I walked into his arms and tipped my head back to look at him.
“Okay, Greene. Let me hear these lyrics,” I said, and he leaned down and kissed me hard before stepping back and taking the stage.
There were maybe thirty people here tonight and this was not the big crowd that Ty was used to performing in front of, but he didn’t seem to care.
He stopped to tell the DJ which song to play and took to the microphone to speak before he started.
“Hey there,” he said, and everyone screamed, including me, Addy and Jett, because he commanded the stage like he was born for it.
“So, I have to tell you. I don’t get too nervous anymore about performing. Sometimes I feel like I’m just going through the motions. But in all the years I’ve taken the stage, I’ve searched the audience for one girl. The girl that inspires all of my songs. So yeah, man, I’m fucking nervous because she’s finally here.”
The crowd roared and laughed and turned to look at me. My cheeks heated and my eyes watered. A lump formed in my throat at his words.
I’d wanted to go see him perform a hundred times. I’d wanted to listen to his music more times than I could count. But I never could bring myself to do that. Because that would just make me another fan, and I never wanted to be anything more than the girl that Ty loved.
He winked. “This song is called ‘Missing You’ and it was written for Miss Ivy Baron.” He nodded to the DJ to start the music, and Addy found my hand at my side as he pulled up a barstool and dropped to sit with the microphone in his hand looking like this was just another day at the office. It started out as a soft melody, and the music alone nearly brought me to tears.
“Auburn locks slip through my fingers, green eyes with looks that linger. Gave my heart and hit the road. So many truths were never told. Endless days have not been kind. Thoughts of you still haunt my mind.” His deep voice was intoxicating, and his gaze never left mine as the music picked up for the chorus.
“Missing you today, it’s true, when skies are gray, when skies are blue. Can’t escape even if I run, cause you’re the moon and you’re the sun. All these people want a piece of me, there’s only one I long to see.”
The crowd sang along the chorus with him, as everyone appeared to know the song. Tears streamed down my face as I processed his words. The music slowed back down to a soulful melody.
“No good for you, you know it’s true. Did the only thing that I could do. A coward’s choice, my options few. A bankrupt heart with shame, it’s true. But not a day goes by I don’t think of you,” he crooned. I held my hand over my mouth to keep the sobs at bay as he went in for the chorus once again.
“Missing you today, it’s true, when skies are gray, when skies are blue. Can’t escape even if I run, cause you’re the moon and you’re the sun. All these people want a piece of me, there’s only one I long to see.” He paused, and the crowd grew completely silent and the music stopped as he sang the last words all on his own. “There’s only one I long to see.”
The room erupted in cheers, and he winked at me from the stage. I turned and made my way outside. I needed air. I couldn’t breathe.
I pushed through the big wood door and the warm air did not offer much reprieve, but I still bent over with my hands on my knees and gasped a few times as I tried to catch my breath.
A hand settled on my lower back. “What’s going on, Ive?”
Ty’s voice was smooth as silk, and I swiped at my tears before standing up to face him. “It’s just too much. These feelings that I have. And hearing that song and knowing that you were just as sad as I was. It’s just…” I threw my hands in the air and started walking as a crowd gathered out front and they appeared to be listening.
“It’s just what?” he asked as he followed me behind the building in the back alley.
“It’s just sad, Ty. I love you and you love me and because your dad was an asshole, we don’t get our happily ever after?” I sobbed.
He pushed the hair out of my face and my back pressed against the brick wall behind the building. “It’s so much more than that now. It’s part of life. Hell, if you told me today that you’d go out on the road with me, and you’d be happy with it just being me and you—I’d be the happiest man in the world.”
I shook my head as the tears continued to fall. “I want a family, Ty. But this isn’t fair.”
“I know, baby. I’m sorry. But I didn’t like hearing what you said about things ending back in there. I don’t want to say goodbye to you again. I can’t.”
“I can’t either.”
“Listen, what if we stop focusing on me leaving? It’s not going to be goodbye for me. I can promise you that. There is no one else for me, Ive, and there never has been. What if we agree to just take it one day at a time moving forward from now on? Just you and me.”