“I am so sorry,” I say. Leaning into him, I put my hand on his face. “I’m so, so sorry,” I whisper, my fingers tingling from his scruff on his cheek. “I’m sorry that happened to you.” I blink away the stinging of tears. “I’m sorry that he struggles with this whole thing.” I swallow now. “But I’m not sorry that it wasn’t you.”
I look into his eyes and can see the memories of the past shading over them. “You are one of the best guys I know.” My heart hammers in my chest because this is the first time I’ve ever touched him or that he’s let me in to see this side of him.
“Thank you,” he whispers and then turns his head back to face front. My hand slips off his cheek, and he closes his eyes to rest. I sit in the same spot, my fingers itching to touch his face again. He opens his eyes again, and just like that, the moment has passed, and I see that Brian is back. “Are we going to watch Judge Judy?” he asks, and I just nod, knowing the moment is over.
Chapter Fourteen
Brian
“How crazy is it that there is an actual gym in this hotel room?” I hear from the side while I run on the treadmill. Watching Kellie lean over and stretch her ass right in front of me, I suppress a groan and increase the speed. If I have to focus on not killing myself on the treadmill, then I can’t focus on her ass right in front of me.
I never expected to share my biggest secret with her. I never expected to lay it out for her. Besides my commander, I haven’t told anyone that story—not my team, not anyone. But after seeing him again, thinking it could be me, I just couldn’t breathe. It felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest. Her hands on my face might have been my breaking point until my brain woke up and told me not to cross that line. She was unattainable. She was my job. End of the story.
“I’m so happy the biggest bus trips are behind us,” she huffs out. “Five hours is going to go so fast I might not even fall asleep.” I just nod at her as I focus on running. The last two bus rides have been a killer. Eighteen hours on a bus makes anyone stir-crazy. “We have dinner with the crew tonight before the show.” I slow down the pace to a brisk walk to get my heart rate down to normal. “Have you ever been to Chicago?”
“A long time ago,” I pant out, looking over at her. She’s sitting in the middle of the gym with her legs stretched out in front of her.
“We should sightsee.” A smile fills her lips. “The bean, the deep-dish pizza.”
“Shameless.” Grabbing my water bottle, I drain it. Her face looks confused. “The television show.”
“I’ve never watched it.” She stands, and there is a knock on the door. “Is it good?” She follows me to the door, and when I swing it open, room service is right on time with our order. He wheels the tray in, leaving it right beside the dining room table. “I’ll be back,” she says quietly and then turns to walk out of the room. I help the man take the plates off the tray, and now the table is full of plates. He turns to leave, taking his rolling tray away, and I uncover the food. It’s usually the same things—eggs, fruit, pancakes—the only difference is today it has waffles.
“Did you order waffles?” I shout over my shoulder and wait for her to answer. I sit down to fill my plate, and there’s still no sign of her. I get up and walk to her open bedroom door, showing me the big king-size bed with the covers tossed over. “Kellie.” I knock even though the door is open, and the bathroom door opens. She walks out with her hair tied on top of her head and steam billowing out with her. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to …” I watch her walk out of the bathroom wrapped in a white terry cloth robe. As she comes closer, I see little droplets along her neck, and I know she took a quick shower.
“I had to wash the sweat off me.” She goes to her carry-on luggage and pulls out her iPad. “What were you yelling about?” she asks, and for a second, I’m speechless as I just watch her. She’s not wearing a stitch of makeup, and she looks more beautiful than anyone I’ve ever seen in my whole life. “Are you okay?”
I shake out of it. “Yeah, I’m fine. I was just asking if you ordered waffles.” I turn around and go back to the table, trying to shake myself out of it. I need to get a hold of this. Now.
“I did. I was mixing it up.” I hear from beside me now as I sit down in the chair, and she sits next to me, placing her iPad right next to her as she piles food on her plate. I don’t say anything to her. Instead, I focus on my food and not the smell of strawberries coming from her. My mouth is suddenly really heavy, and the eggs almost taste like rocks. “Are you not hungry?” she asks from beside me. “You usually devour your food.”
“I’m fine.” It comes out gruff and tight, and I watch as she leans back in her chair. “I’m going to shower.” I push away from the table and leave my plate, which isn’t like me. I always clean up. But I can’t sit at the table anymore, wondering what she is wearing under the robe. Does she have on panties? Is she naked, all naked? I slam my door a little bit harder than I mean to and almost rip the shirt over my head on my way to the shower. Turning it to cold, I don’t need any warmth. What I need is the ice cold to seep into my bones. I step into the shower, placing my hands on the tiled wall in front of me, and bend my head. The ice water runs down the back of my neck, but my cock is hard as fuck. My eyes fall closed as I fist myself; her face is the only one in my mind. Her blond hair is wrapped around my fist as she takes all of me to the back of her throat. I try to picture someone else, anyone else, but nothing can make it not her. I come on a groan with my eyes still shut.
Turning the water from cold to hot, I finally open my eyes as my cock finally goes down. I get out of the shower, wrapping a towel around my waist, and walk out to my bedroom. Grabbing a pair of boxers, I slide into them. I also grab a pair of jeans and a black polo. Once I get myself under control, I walk into the living room and see her curled up in a ball on the couch, still wearing the bathrobe, watching television. Looking at the screen, I see what she is watching. “Is that Shameless?” I ask her, and she looks up and smiles, nodding her head.
“Yes.” Her eyes remain glued to the television. “What in the hell am I watching?” I laugh when I remember thinking the same thing at the beginning. She doesn’t say anything, nor does she move while one episode rolls into two, and when the fourth one is about to start, she gets up. “Do you know where the Alibi is?”
“No,” I answer her, and the knock on the door has me looking over. The door opens on its own, and I see Cori walk in.
“What the hell are you doing?” she asks. “You were supposed to be ready ten minutes ago. I was waiting in the lobby.” Kellie flies up from the couch and runs into the bedroom. “Seriously, what the hell?”
“I wasn’t paying attention to the time,” I answer her, getting up and getting my backpack. “We were watching Shameless.”
“So you guys are late, and it’s not because of what I thought it was?” she asks, folding her arms over her chest, and I look over at her, my eyes narrowing to a glare.