‘I’m sorry,’ I said. ‘It’s been …’
‘It’s been hard because you got dumped by Sexy Sam. Was it that blonde witch?’
I blew my nose and stared at her.
‘I had a few days in London before Christmas so I went to the ambulance station to say hi and she was there, hanging off him like some kind of human mildew.’
I sniffed. ‘You could tell.’
‘God, yes. I was going to warn you but then I thought, What’s the point? It’s not like you could do anything about it from New York. Ugh. Men are so stupid, though. How could he not see through that?’
‘Oh, Lily, I have missed you.’ I hadn’t known quite how much until that moment. Will’s daughter, in all her mercurial, teenage glory. She sat down beside me and I leant against her, as if she were the adult. We gazed into the distance. I could just make out Will’s home, Grantchester House.
‘I mean just because she’s pretty and has huge tits and one of those porny mouths that look like they’re all about the blowjobs –’
‘Okay, you can stop now.’
‘Anyway, I wouldn’t cry any more if I were you,’ she said sagely. ‘One, no man is worth it. Even Katy Perry will tell you that. But also your eyes go really, really small when you cry. Like, microdot kind of small.’
I couldn’t help but laugh.
She stood up and held out a hand. ‘C’mon. Let’s walk down to yours. There’s nowhere open on Boxing Day and Grandpa and Della and the Baby That Can Do No Wrong are doing my head in. I’ve got a whole twenty-four more hours to kill before Granny comes to pick me up. Ugh. Did you get snail trails on my jacket? You did! You are totally wiping that off.’
Over tea at our house, Lily filled me in on the news her emails hadn’t covered – how she loved her new school but hadn’t quite got to grips with the work as she was meant to. (‘Turns out missing loads of school does have an effect. Which is actually quite irritating on the adult I-told-you-so front.’) She enjoyed living with her grandmother so much that she felt able to bitch about her in the way that Lily did about people she truly loved – with humour and a kind of cheerful sarcasm. Granny was so unreasonable about her painting the walls of her room black. And she wouldn’t let her drive the car, even though Lily totally knew how to drive and just wanted to get ahead before she could start lessons.
It was only when she was talking about her own mother that her upbeat demeanour fell away. Lily’s mother had finally left her stepfather – ‘of course’ – but the architect down the road whom she had planned to make her next husband had not played ball, refusing to leave his wife. Her mother was now living a life of hysterical misery in rented accommodation in Holland Park with the twins and making her way through a succession of Filipina nannies who, despite an astonishing level of tolerance, were rarely tolerant enough to survive Tanya Houghton-Miller for more than a couple of weeks.
‘I never thought I’d feel sorry for the boys, but I do,’ she said. ‘Ugh. I really want a cigarette. I only ever want one when I’m talking about my mum. You don’t have to be Freud to work that out, right?’
‘I’m sorry, Lily.’
‘Don’t be. I’m fine. I’m with Granny and at school. My mother’s drama doesn’t really touch me any more. Well, she leaves long messages on my voicemail, weeping or telling me I’m selfish for not moving back to be with her but I don’t care.’ She shuddered briefly. ‘Sometimes I think if I’d stayed there I would have gone completely mental.’ I thought back to the figure who had appeared on my doorstep all those months ago – drunk, unhappy, isolated – and felt a brief burst of quiet pleasure that by taking her in I had helped Will’s daughter build this happy relationship with her grandmother.
Mum came in and out, replenishing the tray with cuts of ham, cheese and warmed mince pies, and seemed delighted that Lily was there, especially when Lily, her mouth full, gave her the run-down on goings-on in the big house. Lily didn’t think Mr Traynor was very happy. Della, his new wife, was finding motherhood a challenge and fussed over the baby incessantly, flinching and weeping whenever it squawked. Which was, basically, all the time.
‘Grandpa spends most of his time in his study, which just makes her even crosser. But when he tries to help she just shouts at him and tells him he’s doing everything wrong. Steven! Don’t hold her like that! Steven! You’ve got that matinee jacket completely back to front! I’d tell her to do one, but he’s too nice.’
‘He’s the generation that would have had very little to do with babies,’ Mum said kindly. ‘I don’t think your father would have changed a single nappy.’
‘He always asks after Granny so I told him she had a new man.’
‘Mrs Traynor has a boyfriend?’ My mother’s eyes rounded like saucers.
‘No. Of course she doesn’t. Granny says she’s enjoying her freedom. But he doesn’t need to know that, does he? I told Grandpa that a silver fox with an Aston Martin and all his own hair comes to take her out twice a week and I don’t know his name but it’s nice to see Granny looking so happy again. I can tell he really wants to ask questions but he doesn’t dare while Della’s there so he just nods and smiles this really fake smile and says, “Very good,” and goes off to his study again.’
‘Lily!’ said my mother. ‘You can’t tell lies like that!’
‘Why not?’
‘Because, well, it’s not true!’
‘Loads of things in life aren’t true. Father Christmas isn’t true. But I bet you told Thom about him anyway. Grandpa’s got someone else. It’s good for him – and for Granny – if he thinks she’s having lovely minibreaks in Paris with a hot rich pensioner. And they never speak to each other, so what’s the harm?’
As logic went, it was pretty impressive. I could tell because Mum’s mouth was working like someone feeling a loose tooth, but she couldn’t come up with any other reason why Lily was wrong.
‘Anyway,’ said Lily, ‘I’d better get back. Family dinner. Ho-ho-ho.’
It was at this moment that Treena and Eddie walked in, having been out to the play park with Thom. I saw Mum’s sudden look of barely concealed anxiety and thought, Oh, Lily, don’t say something awful. I gestured towards them. ‘This is Lily, Eddie. Eddie, Lily. Lily is the daughter of my old employer, Will. Eddie is –’
‘My girlfriend,’ said Treena.
‘Oh. Nice.’ Lily shook Eddie’s hand, then turned back to me. ‘So. I’m still planning on making Granny bring me out to New York. She says she won’t do it while it’s this cold but she will in the spring. So be prepared to take a few days off. April totally qualifies as spring, yes? Up for it?’
‘Can’t wait,’ I said. To the side of me, Mum deflated quietly with relief.
Lily hugged me hard, then ran from the front step. I watched her go and envied the robustness of the young.
20