His beast was just as confused that the bond wasn’t yet complete. It angered the animal that he wasn’t fully bound to his mate. Alex suspected her cat was just as annoyed.
“I’ve asked myself if I could somehow be messing with the bond’s ability to form,” said Bree. “But if I am, it’s not on a conscious level. Are you sure you’re definitely okay with the whole imprinting extravaganza? I mean, it hit us out of nowhere.”
“What is it with you and idiotic questions? I told you I want the imprint bond. I don’t say what I don’t mean.”
“I know. But wanting it and being ready for it—they’re not the same. That’s all I’m saying.” She tilted her head. “Haven’t you once worried that maybe I have doubts?”
“No. You’re not someone who’d fully commit to something unless you’re in it all the way. Neither am I.” Alex swept his hand up her back to palm her nape, letting his eyes drift over her features, drinking her in. He loved to just look at her. She was so fucking beautiful she stole his breath sometimes. “You know, I don’t think I’d have been as open to imprinting if it hadn’t been for Mila and Dominic.”
“Why?”
“My parents have a strong, solid relationship—the kind that makes you long to find your own true mate. I didn’t realize an imprint bond could be just as rock-solid and intense until Mila mated Dominic. But I still would have wanted you, Bree. I still would have wanted to make this work.”
Bree bit her lip. “You might have held out for your true mate if you hadn’t known for sure that she’d sadly died.”
He shook his head. “You’re wrong, Bree.”
“But—”
“Would you have held out for Paxton if you hadn’t known he was a twisted fuck? Would you have turned me down on the off-chance that you’d one day find your true mate?”
“No,” she answered instantly—it wasn’t something she even needed to think about.
“Then you understand.”
Yeah, she understood. Her cat settled a little at his response—Bree hadn’t even realized until then that the feline had tensed up as she waited for his reply. “Have you asked yourself if maybe you might be finding it hard to fully imprint because of what happened to Freya? I’m not saying I believe you must be blocking the bond. It’s … well, you watched her die, Alex. That must have left its mark on you. It would leave a mark on anyone.”
“Yeah, it marked me. I felt like I’d let her down in every way possible—I didn’t recognize her as my mate, didn’t claim her, didn’t save her. But it didn’t make me shut down. It woke me the fuck up. It made me see that I hadn’t had my priorities straight.
“Do I worry that I might one day find you dying right in front of me? Yes. But it doesn’t make me hold back from you. It makes me that much more determined to bond with you, because then I wouldn’t be so helpless if you were ever hurt; I could help keep you alive. And if I instead died trying, I wouldn’t care. Watching Freya die marked me, just like you said. But watching you die would end me.”
And now her chest was aching. Those honest declarations truly felled both her and her cat every time, but only ever in a good way.
“Maybe you worry you could never be as vital to me as my true mate could—which would be pure bullshit,” he said.
Bree thought about it for a moment. “If I do worry about that, it’s not a conscious worry.” Because he’d never let her doubt how he felt about her. “If it is me who’s blocking the bond, please know that I wish I wasn’t.”
“I know you wouldn’t do it purposely, just as I wouldn’t.” He rubbed her back. “We’ll figure out what the issue is eventually; we’ll power through it. I won’t accept anything less.”
“You can’t control everything.”
“Says who?”
“Me.”
“You say a lot of stupid shit.”
She gave him a mock glare.
“The bond’s progressing, so there’s that.”
“The process can reverse itself, though—there’s nothing either of the couple can do to stop it,” she reminded him. “It happened with Drina and Giles.”
“Because, as you yourself pointed out, she wanted the bond more than she wanted him. That’s not the case with us, is it?”
“No. I’ve wanted you since I was fourteen.”
Alex blinked at the reluctant admission. His beast, just as stunned, tilted his head. “Yeah? You were good at hiding it.” He never would have guessed.
“I had to be. I was just family to you back then. I figured it’d freak you out if you knew I had a crush on you. Plus, I didn’t think I’d ever have you. Not even the kiss gave me hope. Which is why the declaration you made in the break room shocked the shit out of me.”
“You really didn’t see that coming, did you?”
She shook her head. “I knew you wanted to fuck me, but I didn’t think it was anything more than that for you.”
Alex felt his brows snap together. “You knew you mattered to me.”
“No, I knew my safety mattered to you—and I figured that was mostly because I was your cousin’s predestined mate. I didn’t think you cared about me.”
Fuck, how could he not care about her? She was everything he’d ever wanted and didn’t even know he needed. He craved her. Admired her. Trusted her. Adored her.
She just … made everything better. He could lie with her—saying nothing, doing nothing—and be completely at peace. He didn’t even want to imagine what his life without her. He was determined that she’d never doubt how much he cared for her.
He caught her face with his hands. “You’re the only person I’d ever want to take as my mate—I know that without a doubt. And if something happened to you, if you were taken from me, I’d never move past it. I’d spend my life alone.”
Her brow furrowed. “No, don’t say that. I wouldn’t want you to be alone, I—”
“It would be fair to a woman to have her in my life but never give her all of me? It would be fair to her that I’d spend every single moment of every day wishing she was you?”
She snapped her mouth shut.
“You might not be my true mate, Bree, but you were always meant to be mine. No one could ever be what you are to me. No one. Got it?”
She nodded. “Got it.” The words sounded choked out.
“Good.”
Her eyes wet, she swallowed. He could see that she wanted to say something equally profound. He also knew she was too choked up with emotion to do it.
She lightly grazed his jaw with her nails. “If we’re ever on a malfunctioning airplane, I’ll totally help you put on your oxygen mask and life jacket before I put on my own.”
Alex felt his mouth twitch. “Now that’s devotion right there.” He slid the hands framing her face into her hair, tangling his fingers in the silky strands. “Although it has to be said that if we’re on a malfunctioning plane, we’ll most likely hit the ground like a goddamn dart, so those oxygen masks and life jackets will probably be worth shit.”