Brahm’s face pales, and he hangs his head, fidgeting with his sleeves.
“Let’s get moving.” I stand and extend my hand to him.
“You think I would have learned after all these years.” He shakes his head and releases a pathetic chuckle. “I’m such a fool. I should’ve known that it couldn’t have possibly been you in woods.”
He glances at me but pushes himself from the ground and walks away.
“Brahm, wait.”
He pauses to turn his head without looking directly at me. “That’s all I can do, isn’t it? You’re so stubborn, Gisela.” He gestures at the fog behind me. “Don’t linger too long, but I’d really like some space right now. Please.”
My jaw drops as I watch him leave me. Shit. In my knee-jerk reaction, I hurt Brahm. How could I do that? But too much has happened today. I was already filled to the brim with emotions. How could he expect me to respond to what he said?
Fuck.
Slinging my satchel over my shoulder, I slowly walk along the ashes to give Brahm his distance. Does he really love me? My stomach feels sick and heavy. What could I say to him to make it right?
The smoke of bonfire hits my nose before I reach tonight’s camp. It sits near a creek surrounded by hills, cliffs, and woods. The other Offerings are spread out around the fire. Everyone sits in somber silence, with the only sounds coming from Brahm as he plucks random cords on his lute in no particular tune. I walk past him, but he doesn’t glance at me. Willa gestures for me to sit by her on a fallen tree.
“I’m sorry about earlier,” she whispers. “I hope you aren’t mad at me.”
Watching her mouth as she speaks, I can’t believe her lips kissed Brahm’s. I swallow the painful lump in my throat and shake my head. I know it wasn’t her fault. I suppose I do need a friend right about now.
“Good.” She points toward a steep hill. “Down the cliffside there, I found a secluded spot by the creek that’s deep enough to bathe in. I would feel more comfortable with you there to protect us with your dagger.”
I agree, and Willa leads me to the cliff. We grip vines and mossy rocks to lower ourselves down the steep slope. The pebbled bank reminds me of my creek at home and dancing with Brahm there one last time. The bend in this creek is tucked under a rock ledge, providing us privacy.
“You can go first,” she says. “I’ll stand watch.”
I rest my satchel on a boulder and slip out of my dress and boots, keeping my dagger safely in place. The smooth stones and pebbles massage my feet as I wade into the cool, refreshing creek. I have to squat to soak my upper body and hair. I splash and rinse my pale skin in the bluish-gray water.
I relax and float on the surface for a moment until something crashes on top of me. Fingers entwine through my hair and drag my head under. I kick and flail my arms, unable to see through the violent splashing. My fist meets a human body. I need to take a breath, but they’re holding me down. Drowning me. A hand grabs at my thigh. My dagger. I use all the force I have to thrust my body forward.
Ferdinand squeezes his arm around my leg to hold it still and goes for the dagger. I shout as I punch the back of his head and kick my leg from his grasp. Thrashing into the water, I attempt to backstroke to the shore, but Ferdinand jumps on me again. He straddles my hips and pins my wrists into the river stones. I continue to scream and squirm while Ferdinand reaches for my weapon.
Embers of anger burn in my head, and I focus on them. A wave of water splashes into Ferdinand’s eyes. As he wipes his face, I slip one arm from his grasp and claw at his cheeks, drawing blood.
“You fucking freak!” he shouts and releases me.
I’m going to murder him.
My fingers curl around the hilt of my dagger when Brahm tackles Ferdinand into the water and punches his broken nose. I hug my knees, shivering in the creek. What was that in my head?
Brahm forces Ferdinand’s head under the water and pulls him back up, only to punch him again. I watch in awe. After hurting him, Brahm still wants to help me?
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Brahm roars like a feral animal into Ferdinand’s face. “I should kill you right now. What were you trying to do to her?”
Ferdinand gasps for air and holds his bloody face, only shaking his head. Willa stands on the shore with brows furrowed over her beady eyes and covers her mouth with both hands. Brahm dunks Ferdinand into the water again and brings him up to glare into his face, fist at the ready.
Gunther slides down the hill with an avalanche of pebbles and sticks. He runs over and touches Willa’s arm. “Whoa! What’s going on?”
“Um, I don’t know…well, I didn’t mean for this,” Willa says. “I told him he could watch us bathe and—”
“What?” Brahm shouts. “You organized this? And let him attack Gisela?”
Willa shakes her head. My mouth hangs open as I stare at her, but she avoids my gaze. I’m furious, and if I wasn’t weak from the shock and cold, I’d pummel her right now. I turn back to Brahm, who strikes Ferdinand’s face again.
“Answer me! What were you doing?”
“After she cut me, I just wanted the bitch’s dagger,” Ferdinand scoffs. “I wasn’t going to do anything; I’m not a rapist.”
Brahm punches Ferdinand’s nose one more time and tosses him aside. Watching Ferdinand crawl away from the creek like an injured animal fills me with satisfaction. Brahm wades toward me, but I can’t look him in the eyes.
“Everyone leave us right now!” he orders.
Brahm rips his shirt over his head and wraps it around me, holding me as I shiver. I don’t deserve his kindness. Gunther helps Ferdinand and Willa scramble up the cliff. Once they’re out of sight, Brahm cradles me and carries me to shore. He retrieves my blanket, placing both it and his arms around me.
I stare into the flowing water, barely able to feel anything, and afraid to speak to Brahm.
He tucks a wet strand of hair behind my ear and caresses my cheek. “Are you alright?”
“I don’t know,” I whisper as Brahm studies my face. “This past winter, after Stefan Schulze’s funeral, I tried to console Albert. He knew I had lost Wil and asked me to stay after work to talk about his Papa. He led me to his suite but didn’t want to talk at all. After a quick kiss, he slipped off my dress and pushed me onto his bed. I was afraid, so I kicked him in the balls and ran like hell, naked through the snow. I didn’t put my dress or cloak back on until I reached the woods. It’s sick, but I apologized to him in order to keep my job.
“I’ve led him on ever since just to keep the peace but was careful not to be alone with him. I don’t know why I’m telling you all of this. I guess Ferdinand scared me. It reminded me of that and…”
“Oh, Gisela.” Brahm squeezes me tight. “I’m so sorry.”
I rest on Brahm’s shoulder as he combs his fingers through my soaked hair.
“You know, Brahm, starting with you, I built a wall around my heart,” I confess. “And with every guy, that wall grew taller and taller and taller. It grew until I was alone in my high tower, where no one could reach me. I’m stubborn because I’m afraid of what happens when that tower comes crumbling down, and no one’s there to catch me.”