I open my mouth – and pause. I’m uncertain where to begin. I’m reluctant to reveal things that must destroy whatever regard Lucien has come to have for me, things that might bring to mind the promise that he made to Turik.
But this is about Atratys now, not me. I want to save my cousins. But I have to protect my dominion. So I clear my throat and lift my chin.
‘You wanted to know the reason that Siegfried left court just after the king fell ill; he was absent on business that concerns me. I found information that suggested a hawk family might still be alive and dwelling in Olorys. So, at my request, Siegfried went looking for the men who killed my mother.’ Lucien has been watching me, but at this he turns away, shaking his head. I force myself to continue. ‘Late last night, Siegfried returned. He took me to a room somewhere deep in the Citadel, where he had under guard one man – one survivor – one of the two hawks who attacked me and ended my mother’s life. I talked to this man, asked him why he did it, and who sent him. He told me he was paid by the king. Then I watched while Siegfried killed him. Afterwards, Siegfried told me that the king is being poisoned by him and will soon die. He plans to marry Odette, dispose of her, then marry me.’ Bile rises in my throat at the thought of it. ‘He will directly control over half of Solanum if he’s not stopped.’
Lucien is frowning down at the floor. There’s a muscle twitching in the side of his jaw. ‘The king? The king had your mother murdered?’
‘Yes.’
He swears and runs his fingers through his hair, seemingly more angry than surprised. ‘Why did Siegfried tell you all this? Are you sure it isn’t a trap?’
‘I don’t think so. He believes I will support him. That I wish to be with him.’
‘Of course he would think that.’ His words are clipped. ‘After he helped you take revenge for your mother’s murder …’ Finally, he looks back up at me. The disappointment in his eyes sinks my heart, makes me wish I could disappear. ‘I asked you to let it go, Aderyn. You saw what happened to Lord Hawkin, just for mentioning your mother –’
‘It’s worse than that.’
He exclaims with disbelief. ‘How can it possibly be worse?’
I swallow hard and stand up straighter. ‘Siegfried has a friend who is a chemist. He created a potion … I don’t understand exactly how it works, but it forces our kind to transform. Siegfried plans to give Odette this potion to trap her as a swan. In the meantime, he’s been giving it to me. It’s how I’ve been able to fly.’
Lucien draws away from me. ‘You mean, your ability –’
‘Hasn’t returned. I can only shift my shape when Siegfried gives me the potion. I can only shift back when he gives me the antidote. Without him, I am still earthbound. Without him, I may as well be flightless.’
For a long moment, Lucien stares at me, as if he can’t take in what I’ve just said.
‘Well done, Your Grace.’ He pushes away a chair that stands nearby, shoves it so hard it falls backwards against the hearth. ‘Well done. At best, you’ve embroiled Atratys in attempted treason. At worst, you’ve handed the entire dominion to a monster.’
Twelve
‘But what was I to do?’ I spread my hands wide, pleading. ‘I have to be able to fly by the wedding, or the king –’
‘The king is, by your own account, about to die.’
‘Well … but if I hadn’t asked Siegfried for help, then who’s to say that he wouldn’t have done the same thing? He’s still planning to marry Odette. He could force me to fly at the wedding, and claim Atratys when I can’t.’
Lucien waves a hand impatiently. ‘Could have … Might have … I’m not going to argue with you over things that haven’t happened. The point is, you’ve pursued your own interests – as usual.’ He thumps his fist against the wall and stands there, glaring at me. ‘You’ve acted with no thought for Atratys, no thought for the people who are dependent on you, no thought for anything apart from your own immediate desires. If you had come to me –’
‘I would have come to you, the day after Hawkin died. But Letya couldn’t find you. And after the first time I flew with Siegfried, I wanted to tell you the truth, Lucien, I really did but I –’ I break off. I’m not going to remind Lucien of what he said to Turik that night in the garden. He already looks as if he would happily kill me.
‘You what?’ His voice is glacial.
‘Siegfried was kind to me.’ Had seemed kind, at least. ‘He talked to me, and spent time with me and offered me his help.’
Lucien drops his gaze. ‘So you fell in love with him?’
‘No. I never loved him. I thought we were friends, that’s all. At least until that night in Deaufleur.’
‘Deaufleur? What happened in Deaufleur?’
Weariness is making my brain foggy. I try to bring the conversation back to Siegfried’s plotting. ‘It doesn’t matter. Nothing. What matters –’
‘What happened, Aderyn? Did he hurt you?’ Lucien strides nearer, his eyes blazing. ‘I swear I’m going to kill him if –’
‘Nothing happened, Lucien! He kissed me, I told him to stop, and he did.’ I don’t want to remember how I felt sorry for Siegfried, let alone talk about it. My shoulders are aching; I reach up and try to massage away the knots. ‘Why do you care, anyway? I was stupid enough to go there with him.’
I glance at Lucien, questioning.
He shrugs. ‘To offer insult to you is to offer insult to Atratys. I would have felt honour-bound to seek satisfaction.’
Lucien and his honour – I wonder if he actually cares about anything else. But I’m too tired to argue any more. ‘You couldn’t help me fly, Lucien. And I didn’t know where else to turn.’ He’s staring down at the carpet and doesn’t respond. ‘Stopping Siegfried: that’s what matters now. You can berate me for my lack of judgement afterwards, if we’re both still alive.’
Lucien sighs and drags both hands through his hair. ‘You’re right, for once.’ He picks up the chair but moves to lean against the wall, his arms and his ankles crossed. ‘Well, Your Grace?’
‘I’ve been thinking –’
‘Not before time,’ Lucien mutters.
‘– there are two things we have to do. First, find some tangible evidence of Siegfried’s plans. I could go straight to Convocation, but then it’s just my word against his. And I don’t think they’ll listen to me. Not when everyone is convinced that Siegfried and I are lovers.’ The word tastes bitter in my mouth.
Lucien clamps his lips together, as though he is only restraining himself from making an acidic comment through heroic effort. ‘Quite. Can you find the room that he took you to last night?’
‘I could try, but …’ I shake my head. ‘Probably not. I didn’t know what he was planning, when we were walking down there, and afterwards …’ I hear again the sickening thud of flesh on stone as the Oloryan guards throw Flayfeather’s body into the cellar – guards who shouldn’t even have been there. A ripple of remembered horror crawls up my spine. ‘I’m going to search Siegfried’s rooms instead. He told me he’s returning to Olorys the day after tomorrow. I’ll find a quiet moment and slip in.’