‘Don’t be afraid.’ I draw him closer. ‘I’m never going to hurt you.’ With that, we both lose control. And amidst hungry kisses and tangled limbs and blissful yielding, all the fear and horror and tension of the last few weeks are lost as well.
Afterwards, we lie together in his bed, our legs warm beneath the bedclothes. Lucien’s skin is gilded by candlelight, and I run my fingers across his chest and down his arm. ‘You’re beautiful, raven boy.’
‘Not as beautiful as you, my lady.’ He kisses his way down my throat to the dip between my collarbones, making me sigh with pleasure. ‘Should I tell you how long I’ve been dreaming about this day?’
‘I thought you hated me, when we first came here.’
‘I wanted to hate you. It was childish. I wanted someone to blame for my father virtually abandoning us; someone alive, someone I could punish. But more than that, I thought that if I could make myself hate you, I would eventually stop wanting you.’
‘Why did you want to stop? Did you think I disliked you so much?’
‘I’d given you no reason to like me, and every reason to hate me. And you’re a Protector; I didn’t think that you would – that you should – ever consider taking me to your bed. But despite my efforts, my desire for you didn’t wane. It grew, and my temper grew worse to match. When I think of the things I’ve said to you …’ He closes his eyes, a tiny frown creasing the skin between his eyebrows.
‘Then don’t think of them. Though I can’t blame you for scolding me. I gave you plenty of reasons to.’ I turn around and snuggle against Lucien’s chest. ‘I like this. I like you holding me.’ His arm tightens around my waist. ‘My mother used to hug me, and I know Letya would hug me if she could. But my father … my father was not affectionate in that way. Six years it’s been, since my mother died. I’ve so missed the feeling of having another person’s arms around me.’
‘Then I shall keep holding you, as long as I can. For as long as you want.’ His lips brush the scars at the top of my shoulders. ‘Whatever else he’s done, I’m glad Siegfried killed the man who did this to you.’
‘Don’t remind me of it, Lucien, please.’ I shake my head, trying to dislodge the images that always seem to be waiting at the edge of my memory, ready to take centre stage if I ever allow them. ‘I’ve seen too much death. I don’t want to think about it ever again.’
‘Forgive me.’ He nibbles the edge of my ear, making me giggle. ‘Tell me what you’d like to think about.’
‘Let’s think about what we’re going to do when we get back to Atratys.’
‘Easy: I’ve already planned it. I want to take you to Hatchlands and show you my home. I want to show you the starflower wood, and the view across the lake and the gardens where my brother Zavier and I used to play. And then in the winter we can fly –’
He catches his breath.
I change position, so I can look at him. ‘I can’t shift my shape, Lucien. I can’t –’ A pang of grief catches me unexpectedly. ‘Right now, I still can’t get past the fear. I can’t find my way to the point of transformation. What if I never can?’
For a moment he gazes at me. ‘Then we will walk around the gardens of Hatchlands. Or you can teach me to ride.’ He kisses me gently, lingering over it. ‘We’ll find a way, Aderyn. Together.’
When I wake, the candle on the bedside table has guttered out, and pale grey light is filtering round the edges of the shutters. Lucien is fast asleep still, lying on his back, one hand flung up above his head, the other resting on my hip. I slide away, wrap one of the blankets around my shoulders and pull the rest of the bedclothes up to cover him. There’s no clock in this room, but from the quality of the light it’s early morning; the sun hasn’t yet breached the horizon. I open one of the shutters a little. From here I can see down into the town. The streets are empty, but there are wisps of smoke rising from a few of the chimneys, and the smell of baking bread drifting through the open window makes my stomach growl. There’s a litter of papers and books scattered across the floor at my feet; the mess seems so much part of Lucien that it makes me smile. I pick up some sort of architectural drawing – plans for an extension at Hatchlands, by the looks of it – and try to imagine what the finished building will be like.
‘Aderyn?’
I go to sit on the edge of the bed. ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.’
Lucien smiles. ‘I missed you. Come back to bed.’
‘It’s morning; I should go. The servants will be up and about soon.’
He catches my hand in his. ‘Please? It’s early still. Don’t leave, not yet.’
‘And risk Turik finding me in your bed?’ I lean forward to kiss him. ‘Or even worse, Letya not finding me in mine, and setting the Dark Guards to search for me?’
Lucien groans and slips his arm around me, drawing me into a deeper kiss; desire surges through my core, but I pull away. ‘Lucien …’
‘I’m sorry.’ He sighs and releases me. ‘You’re right.’
‘Of course I am. And we have lots of other nights to look forward to.’
‘Tonight?’
I grin. ‘Only if you perform your other duties to my satisfaction, my lord. Remember, you have a tournament to escort me to.’
I get back to my room, discard my gown, put on my nightdress and get into bed. There doesn’t seem much point in trying to go back to sleep, so I read until Letya brings me in a cup of chocolate. She folds back the shutters and I glance out of the windows. A grey day; the tops of the mountains are veiled in cloud and the surface of the fjord is a sullen black.
Letya follows my gaze. ‘They say it should brighten up later. It’s meant to be good luck, for a bridesday to start in shadow and end in sunshine.’
I’ve heard the same grandmothers’ tale. I hope it’s true.
Lucien arrives as Letya is putting the final adjustments to my dress. While she’s in the room he is as formal as I’ve ever seen him – so formal it makes me giggle. Letya gives me a look. But as soon as we are alone he crushes me into his arms and kisses me as though we’ve been apart for weeks, rather than hours.
‘I’ve missed you.’
‘I’ve missed you too. But we’ll be late for the tournament if we don’t hurry. Will you pass me my cloak?’
‘Of course. Allow me.’ He places it around my shoulders and starts trying to fasten the clasp. ‘I’ve had a message from Nyssa’s mother, by the way. She said to tell you that Atratys will not be left without allies. That Lancorphys stands ready, if it comes to it.’
I put my hands over his, stilling them. ‘What do you mean? If it comes to what?’
‘War.’
Surely I misheard him. ‘What?’
‘War, Aderyn. Siegfried wants the crown, but I’m convinced he also wants direct control of every single dominion. You know he does. Surely you’re not prepared to hand him Atratys without a fight?’
‘Of course not. I just hadn’t … I hadn’t thought about it ending in war.’ Combating Siegfried through subterfuge – that’s what I’d imagined. We’ve had peace within Solanum since the War of the Raptors. What will it do to the kingdom, if that changes?