I don’t have time for bitterness. I need to get to the next thing on my list.
That’s how it always goes these days. The second I’m offered a break, I use the time to hop to the next thing that requires tackling.
But I know I have to wash up before I can open up my tablet to check on my list. I’m positively filthy.
Paxton sidles up behind me, his arm sliding around my waist. He tugs me back so my spine rests against his chest. I love the way his chin hooks over my shoulder. It’s so natural—his body magnetizing to mine. “Did someone trick you in to turning in before midnight? Cheers, Malrick.”
Malrick smirks at Paxton and keeps up the stirring.
“I don’t think I can turn in yet, babe. I’ve got loads to do still.”
Paxton kisses my dirty cheek while Everly Ann sniffs his shoes. “I’ll tell you what: if you can convince Gray to work with you, then sure, deprive yourself of sleep all you want. He’s home now.”
Guilt swarms me at his well-aimed negotiation. “Gray doesn’t want to be out here, helping us. He doesn’t want to be here, period.”
Paxton shrugs, as if that fact is inconsequential. “He’s not doing well. You’re needed out here, yes, but these jobs can be delegated. Trust your teams. They want to help. But back at home, you’re irreplaceable. I’ve done all I can to help him settle into his life with us, but I’m not you.”
He’s right on all counts. The fact that sleep is a necessity if I want to be productive at all tomorrow is spot on. And checking on my boyfriend, who is in the pits of depression after being cast out from his people, is something that should be more than just an item on my to-do list.
People are more important than plans.
The thing is, it hurts that Gray is so bent on leaving us. His utter rejection of the life I’m trying to provide for us stings more than I can easily brush away.
I cuddle into Paxton’s half-embrace. “Gray was there for me when I couldn’t sleep in the cell. He stayed with me every night, and I never got any better at sleeping in the dark.” It’s not that I’m not willing to be there for him while he’s going through his own struggles. It’s that I cannot attach myself any further, given the clear exit plan he’s pursuing. “He’s going to leave us.” I shake my head. “I’m not ready for that.”
Paxton kisses my shoulder. “He loves you. And right now, he’s sinking. Tell me what needs to be done out here, and I’ll see to it. Gray needs you.”
I sigh, handing my shovel to Malrick, who has the grace to pretend he didn’t overhear every bit of our conversation. “This is the last foundation we’re pouring tonight, and it’s more than halfway done.”
Malrick wipes the sweat off his blond brow. “We’ve been at this all week. We know how to finish this one without you here.” He calls over his shoulder. “Barry, you cool to finish up if the captain turns in for the night?”
Barry gives me a two-fingered salute. “It’s about time. I thought you were some anomaly who didn’t need sleep or something. See you tomorrow, Captain.”
I don’t know how to walk away from work that still needs doing, so luckily, Paxton helps me angle one foot in front of the other. His hand in mine is most welcome, and feels like a warm blanket being draped over raw nerves.
Maybe I am more tired than I realized.
“You skipped dinner,” Paxton points out without a hint of scolding. “If you can get Gray talking, I’ll scrounge up some leftovers from the chow tent and fix dinner plates for the two of you. He’s been away from the camp during mealtimes most days. I don’t know how much he’s actually eating.”
Even though I’m filthy from head to toe, I lean up on my toes to kiss his lips. “I don’t deserve you.”
Paxton makes a contented “mm” sound under his breath that wraps around my heart and tethers me closer to him.
“Any word on how the shipment of clothes went? I’m supposed to check on that team.”
Paxton snorts through a laugh. “Always talk about clothing shipments while I’m kissing you. Gives me the push to up my game during our next snog.”
“I’m sorry!” I wilt under the truth of what a terrible girlfriend I’ve been.
But there’s no condemnation in Paxton’s smile as he tucks a stray lock of hair behind my ear. “Will it help you settle down for the night if I check on the clothing team for you?”
“Yes.” I wish I could turn off my brain, but if there are unfinished tasks, that’s not going to happen. “I love that you’re just as devoted to the camp as I am.”
Paxton runs his thumb over my knuckles as we head toward the rows of apple trees. “I know what you’re doing,” he chides me.
“What? The Closet is on our way to the house.”
“Mm-hmm. The roundabout way, sure. I just said I would check on the clothing drive effort for you.”
“But now we get to do it together. More time to hold hands. This way, we all win.”
“You are truly dreadful at delegating; I hope you realize.”
“I can live with that.”
Ursa is the point person for The Closet—the team in charge of making sure the clothes that are donated are passed out evenly, and everyone has what they need. It was a stretch to trust her with anything, but she had the most zeal for the project, so she and a fellow named Demir run The Closet.
The moment we come into view, Ursa, Demir and their team of a dozen all stop what they’re doing and salute. I don’t derive any ego from the respect, only a maternal warmth that tells me I can probably stop looking over my shoulder, expecting I’ll be jumped.
“Good evening, everyone. I’m just stopping by to tell you all how glad I am that you’re being so on the ball. How can I help?”
I’ve learned that asking “how can I help” is far more palatable than asking for a status report. I sound less like my father when I come into a team with the attitude of service rather than taking over.
Ursa keeps her spine straight and her chin up when she addresses me. “All the clothes have been sorted into sizes and distributed. We’re back to zero in The Closet, but everyone’s got at least three changes of clothes, so we’re headed in the right direction. Still need new underwear and socks, but those things will come. Hopefully that’s what’s in the next shipment.”
“I need to work another clothing drive into my next speech.”
And just like that, an idea flickers in my mind. A tingle of possibility zips up my spine.
“You guys are so on top of things. Thank you. Have a good night, everyone.” I squeeze Paxton’s hand as we walk toward the house. “My tablet is at the house. The second I get in, I need to write on my list to reach out to Elizabeth Lauren’s Vault.” A plan stacks one step on top of the other in a matter of seconds, until I know exactly what my next move is.
“The clothing company?”
I nod once. “Natalia’s Secret’s biggest competitor.”
“I can add that to your tablet,” Paxton offers. “You’re needed for more than to-do lists, though. Take one night to check in on Gray. You’ve been avoiding him, and he’s been avoiding everyone.”