In conclusion, I smiled brightly.
The creature did not return the gesture. Instead of hellfire pouring out of its mouth, it was words that fell—loud, rumbling, and like an avalanche.
“Turn back, pull out, withdraw, flee; the council shall not hear your plea.”
“Charming creature, isn’t she?” Harker commented.
I smirked at him. “She might not be the friendliest monster I’ve met, but she is the only one who can banter back. And she even rhymes. It’s kind of cool actually.”
Harker snorted. Even Damiel looked like he was close to laughter—or maybe he was just getting excited thinking about attacking the stone beast. I was still holding out hope it wouldn’t come to that. From the looks of its stony exterior, I could probably chip away at it with my sword for hours, and it would hardly notice me. I didn’t think my magic would make much a dent in that enchanted rock either.
So that left me with just good, old diplomacy. “Please, we really must meet with the demons’ council,” I said to it. “It’s urgent.”
“Destroyer of worlds, angel of sin; for you, Pandora, only death waits within.”
I frowned. “How rude. There’s really no need for name calling.”
“She doesn’t sound happy,” Nero observed.
“I can’t imagine why. After all, I even said ‘please’.”
“You see, Pandora, this is why it’s better when monsters don’t banter.”
“I don’t know about that. I think it’s actually more fun this way.”
Nero shook his head slowly. “You would think that.”
I looked at the monster, wondering aloud, “But banter doesn’t seem to be working on it.”
“Maybe if you bantered in rhyme?” Bella suggested.
“Do you really think that will work?” I asked her.
“Well, what do you have to lose?”
“Nothing but my pride.” I drew in a deep breath, then turned to the monster. “We’ve traveled so far to get to you,” I said, feeling rather foolish. “Turn back now? No! That we just can’t do.”
“That’s the best you can do?” Bella hissed at me.
“Yes,” I hissed back. “I failed poetry in high school, remember?”
“Great beast of stone and rock and…” I looked around at the scenery. “…gravel. Please step aside and allow us to travel.”
“Stone and rock and gravel. Those are three words for the same thing,” Harker whispered to Nero.
“I’m glad to see you’ve made good use of the thesaurus I got you, Pandora,” Nero said with a smile so dark and delicious that I almost forgot to be mad at him.
“You got her a thesaurus?” Harker looked at his best friend. “Or is that a code word for something dirty?”
“In this case, a thesaurus is just a thesaurus,” I laughed. “About a month after I joined the Legion, Nero found me in the library. He came bearing gifts. I was all excited until I realized it was another book. He’d got me a thesaurus because my mission reports read—” I dipped my voice deeper. “—‘as dry as furniture assembly manuals’.”
Nero folded his arms over his chest and hit me with a good, hard glower. “I do not sound like that.”
I blew him a kiss. “Sure you do, honey.” I returned to my story. “Anyway, I could not allow an insult to my literary genius to stand unchallenged. So I told Nero that my mission reports wouldn’t be so dry if he’d let me sprinkle in some subplots and subterfuge. And maybe a few raunchy affairs too. That’s when he suggested a career change to angel gossip magazine columnist.”
“She called me an insufferable angel with absolutely no sense of humor,” Nero added.
“And then he pulled me behind a bookcase.” I chuckled. “And that is the story of the time I made out with Nero in the library for the better part of an hour.”
“It was more like two.” Nero smiled, looking utterly pleased with himself.
“That isn’t the story I know of you making out with Nero in the library,” Bella said. “I heard he helped you get a book from a high shelf, then you tackled him against the bookcase.”
“And I once saw Nero stacking more and more books on her head until they all came crashing down. Books, Leda, and Nero,” said Harker.
“Ok, ok. Fine. We made out in the library heaps of times.” I put up my hands. “But let’s not share all those stories in front of the in-laws, guys. I need to make a good impression.”
“I think it’s too late for that, Pandora,” Harker said. “They’ve already met you.”
“Laugh all you want, Harker. Because when Bella brings you home for dinner, I will be the one laughing.
“Especially when her little sister Tessa demands to plan your wedding,” Damiel told him. “She’s trying to build up her portfolio, you know, and angel weddings are all the rage right now.”
I wasn’t sure who turned a brighter shade of red: Bella or Harker.
But Bella did look hastily away and stared up at the stone creature. “It hasn’t said anything for minutes.
I shrugged. “Maybe it didn’t like my poem.”
“Well, I liked it,” Damiel declared. “Very reminiscent of the great philosopher Solas’s early preschool works.”
“Haha. Very funny, Damiel.” I planted my hands on my hips and gave him a good, solid glower. “You know, it’s easy to stand by and make jokes, but I don’t see any of you composing impromptu poetry to a monster.”
“Of course not. Of all of us, you are the most capable of conquering seat-of-your-pants poetry,” replied Damiel.
“As of yet, the beast has not tried to injure, mar, or otherwise maim us, so maybe it actually likes Leda’s poetry,” Nero said.
“Injure, mar, or otherwise maim?” I repeated, a smirk drawing up my lips. “It looks like you are the one getting good use out of the thesaurus you gave me.”
“I might have glanced at it once or twice. You were gone for a whole week, Pandora. And tearing through hordes of monsters just doesn’t hold the same appeal to me when you’re not at my side.”
“Nero, that’s so sweet.” My voice trembled, my heart skipped a beat, and tears pooled in my eyes.
“I hate to break up this touching moment, but we’re in the middle of dealing with this monster,” Damiel said.
“It’s obviously done talking to me. One of you should try and see if you have better luck.” I flashed my teeth at Damiel. “And I nominate you, General Dragonsire.”
Cadence smiled at him. “You can be very poetic, Damiel.”
“Only with you, Princess.” He held her gaze for a few moments, then looked up at the monster. “Our mission is crucial, our intentions just. So, lady, how about you stop making a fuss?”
I laughed. “That’s even worse than my poems.”
And yet the monster opened its mouth and spoke to him, “Blood of the immortal, destiny unfold; there is a way forward, behold. Three questions I’ll pose, answer them true; and the gateway shall open for you.”
“Riddles,” Bella said. “If we wish to pass, we must answer three riddles.”