“About this war that Cantillion is talking about, how would it go?”
“Oh,” Lyria hummed through tightly pressed lips, sounding hesitant.
“You were all for it, weren’t you, at first? And many kingdoms were already preparing for it, right?” I prompted. Being too forward with my questions always made me nervous. She was still the queen, I was still the chambermaid, and none of that had changed. “Before Taramon betrayed you, you believed it might work out, this cooperation?”
“Yes, absolutely.”
“If we attack the Fae Palaces…How bad is it going to be?”
Lyria’s face went soft as if she were looking at a birdling training its wings for a fated flight. Moments like this, I could hardly take my eyes off her.
“We’ll have Cantillion and his elites, so that’s a start,” she said, as if blind to the way my eyes must have spoken, or maybe she was trying not to make it into an issue. “And if we get backup from King Iopon and the others, who knows, there’s a chance.”
“Are Cantillion’s warriors good?”
“They are, actually. At the Fae Palaces, they work among the Queen’s guards as additional support.”
“And when our own trained soldiers, the human soldiers, fight the fae, how is that? How does that go?”
“Well, fae magic makes things complicated…”
“You have fae magic too, you should be alright. I’ll feel that much better knowing at least you’ll probably be all right,” I suddenly said, before I could think it through.
“Oh, Milla…I don’t know what to say to that. Stay with me. Stay beside me at all times. You can’t get hurt. We could stand back to back, you know how some trained soldiers do, brothers in arms, guarding each other, taking in adversaries from any side…”
“Yes,” I said emphatically. “But you know I’m no match for any fae. It’s just a fact of life.”
“No, Milla, listen. I know we can do things that look all fancy, like stop an arrow in mid-flight and divert it, or maybe make a cannon ball explode before it reaches the ground to harm the foot soldiers, and it all sounds so grand, at first…But, see, fae powers are not invincible. If arrows and cannon balls are coming from all directions, then I can’t keep track of that. It’s the same with any of them, even Cantillion.”
“Ah…”
“That’s how you fight the Fae,” Lyria said, and something about the way she said it, the heaviness, told me this was something she had thought a lot about.
“I see,” I muttered, as I thought I understood why she looked so serious. So we were always losing men tenfold, when we sent them to fight off the raiding groups of fae, the bad fae people who were having fun on the expense of poor village girls, random people out at the wrong hour, possible bystanders trying to help…
“You see. Right? We lose a dozen men for every fae we slay.” Lyria twisted her mouth in a soft mix of sadness, sorrow, guilt perhaps. “But who can say what’s the right choice, before it’s all over?”
I shook my head. There were no right or wrong answers at this point. We had to stop these raid attacks from the fae groups, and we had to win Lyria’s castles back, and perhaps there was still a beautiful dawn to be seen after all the rain…But could we send so many men to die, doing so? Now I understood why the negotiations fro this war had taken so long and involved so many people, and still ended up with the turn it had, so far.
“But you think we have a chance?” I asked. She looked lost, perplexed, stressed. I stepped closer and touched her arm.
“My father believed this war will be worth the price,” she said, as she raised a hand to the side of my face. I felt a shiver down my spine, butterflies in my stomach. “You look so worried, Milla. These past days, I’ve noticed, you’re getting circles around your eyes. You must stop worrying, we’re sorceresses, we’ll pull through this, together. It’ll be alright soon, you’ll see.”
“Of course,” I muttered.
“I feel so very bad for dragging you into this. You could be safe and sound at the Castle by now already, knowing nothing of this, living a good life, as it always was, simply, a different…situation. Why should you worry about the doings of the courtiers, the kings and queens, you wanted your happy, peaceful, cozy life that offered all the small joys and enjoyments you needed.”
“I wouldn’t be happy there right now, with Taramon’s people mulling about everywhere…knowing Taramon made you flee from your own castles! I would be miserable there, and most of all, if you hadn’t taken me with, I wouldn’t have known a thing about this journey, and I would have lost out on the most incredible adventure of my life,” I said, and dared a glance at her. “I’m happy here, with you. It’s all I want. I’m so glad you took me with.”
“I’m so glad you’re here with me,” she said softly, seeming lost in thought. Then she smiled. “And I’ve said that a million times, haven’t I?”
I smiled, too.
“We might have to spend days in this ghastly prison,” she said, turning to look up at the curving, dark gray ceiling. “Might as well try to enjoy our days here. Let’s make ourself a big blanket sofa, and a feast of the foods we have! We do have things…We don’t have to be miserable here?”
“That sounds…perfect,” I had to admit.
“What’s to complain about?”
When she said it like that, her face bright and smiling as if her heart was full of sunlight, I really didn’t know what else could have been better than this. She had this magical way of making the dullest moments magical.
“And at least we get to be together,” she said.
We’d said it indeed a million times and neither of us had the courage to say more. The previous night, I’d stayed up late, wondering if she was still awake, thinking to talk more. Then I’d worried I’d upset her.
“How were they planning to go about the attack, your father and Cantillion and all your allies?” I asked instead.
“Oh, that’s what you were asking…My father and five other kings were going to join Cantillion, to go against the Fae Queen. It was supposed to be very much like what Cantillion proposed to us now. And it’s actually not a bad idea at all. Basically, I’m all for it…In theory. But even in the best case scenario, it would mean thousands of dead on our side. Fighting the fae always means at least ten men fallen before we can kill even one of theirs. Now, with father at the lead…Of course you don’t know him like I do, like I did. You couldn’t understand the issue in all entirety. But my father was very careful in everything he did, and much more patient than most people. He was going to use wizards, and he was going to be ready to negotiate patiently at every point. With him, I thought, maybe it’ll be fine, maybe they can pull it off. Heavy toll, but a better world, you understand?” Lyria was reverting to wordings and tones of voice used in court. “I don’t know if you agree with me, Milla, but sometimes there’s a good enough reason for war.”
I couldn’t say anything to that, only gave her a small nod.
“But now?” she said, her eyes darting to the floor and back to me, a fury rising in her. “Who would they have at the lead? The kings will never have me as their highest commander, will they? We’ll have hotheads and boasters, and…Oh, Milla. It will be a bloodbath.”