“I don’t see a problem in that, dear.”
Vin turned away from the gown. “This isn’t me. It never was—it was just an act. When wearing a dress like that, it’s too easy to forget who you really are.”
“And these dresses can’t be part of who you really are?”
Vin shook her head. “Dresses and gowns are part of who she is.” She nodded toward Allrianne. “I need to be something else. Something harder.” I shouldn’t have come here.
Tindwyl laid a hand on Vin’s shoulder. “Why haven’t you married him, child?”
Vin looked up sharply. “What kind of question is that?”
“An honest one,” Tindwyl said. She seemed far less harsh than she had been the other times Vin had met her. Of course, during those times, she had mostly been addressing Elend.
“That topic is not your concern,” Vin said.
“The king has asked me to help him improve his image,” Tindwyl said. “And I have taken it upon myself to do more than that—I want to make a real king of him, if I can. There is some great potential in him, I think. However, he’s not going to be able to realize it until he’s more sure about certain things in his life. You in particular.”
“I …” Vin closed her eyes, remembering his marriage proposal. That night, on the balcony, ash lightly falling in the night. She remembered her terror. She’d known, of course, where the relationship was going. Why had she been so frightened?
That was the day she’d stopped wearing dresses.
“He shouldn’t have asked me,” Vin said quietly, opening her eyes. “He can’t marry me.”
“He loves you, child,” Tindwyl said. “In a way, that is unfortunate—this would all be much easier if he could feel otherwise. However, as things stand …”
Vin shook her head. “I’m wrong for him.”
“Ah,” Tindwyl said. “I see.”
“He needs something else,” Vin said. “Something better. A woman who can be a queen, not just a bodyguard. Someone …” Vin’s stomach twisted. “Someone more like her.”
Tindwyl glanced toward Allrianne, who laughed at a comment made by the elderly dressmaker as he took her measurements.
“You are the one he fell in love with, child,” Tindwyl said.
“When I was pretending to be like her.”
Tindwyl smiled. “Somehow, I doubt that you could be like Allrianne, no matter how hard you practiced.”
“Perhaps,” Vin said. “Either way, it was my courtly performance that he loved. He didn’t know what I really was.”
“And has he abandoned you now that he does know of it?”
“Well, no. But—”
“All people are more complex than they first appear,” Tindwyl said. “Allrianne, for instance, is eager and young—perhaps a bit too outspoken. But she knows more of the court than many would expect, and she seems to know how to recognize what is good in a person. That is a talent many lack.
“Your king is a humble scholar and thinker, but he has the will of a warrior. He is a man who has the nerve to fight, and I think—perhaps—you have yet to see the best of him. The Soother Breeze is a cynical, mocking man—until he looks at young Allrianne. Then he softens, and one wonders how much of his harsh unconcern is an act.”
Tindwyl paused, looking at Vin. “And you. You are so much more than you are willing to accept, child. Why look at only one side of yourself, when your Elend sees so much more?”
“Is that what this is all about?” Vin said. “You trying to turn me into a queen for Elend?”
“No, child,” Tindwyl said. “I wish to help you turn into whoever you are. Now, go let the man take your measurements so you can try on some stock dresses.”
Whoever I am? Vin thought, frowning. However, she let the tall Terriswoman push her forward, and the elderly dressmaker took his tape and began to measure.
A few moments and a changing room later, Vin stepped back into the room wearing a memory. Silky blue with white lace, the gown was tight at the waist and through the bust, but had a large, flowing bottom. The numerous skirts made it flare out, tapering down in a triangular shape, her feet completely covered, the bottom of the skirt flush with the floor.
It was terribly impractical. It rustled when she moved, and she had to be careful where she stepped to keep it from catching or brushing a dirty surface. But it was beautiful, and it made her feel beautiful. She almost expected a band to start playing, Sazed to stand over her shoulder like a protective sentry, and Elend to appear in the distance, lounging and watching couples dance as he flipped through a book.
Vin walked forward, letting the dressmaker watch where the garment pinched and where it bunched, and Allrianne let out an “Ooo” as she saw Vin. The old dressmaker leaned on his cane, dictating notes to a young assistant. “Move around a bit more, my lady,” he requested. “Let me see how it fits when you do more than just walk in a straight line.”
Vin spun slightly, turning on one foot, trying to remember the dancing moves Sazed had taught her.
I never did get to dance with Elend, she realized, stepping to the side, as if to music she could only faintly remember. He always found an excuse to wiggle out of it.
She twirled, getting a feel for the dress. She would have thought that her instincts would have decayed. Now that she had one on again, however, she was surprised at how easy it was to fall back into those habits—stepping lightly, turning so that the bottom of the dress flared just a bit. …
She paused. The dressmaker was no longer dictating. He watched her quietly, smiling.
“What?” Vin asked, flushing.
“I’m sorry, my lady,” he said, turning to tap on his assistant’s notebook, sending the boy away with a point of his finger. “But I don’t rightly think I’ve ever seen someone move so gracefully. Like a … passing breath.”
“You flatter me,” Vin said.
“No, child,” Tindwyl said, standing to the side. “He’s right. You move with a grace that most women can only envy.”
The dressmaker smiled again, turning as his assistant approached with a group of square cloth color samples. The old man began to sort through them with a wizened hand, and Vin stepped over to Tindwyl, holding her hands at the sides, trying not to let the traitorous dress take control of her again.
“Why are you being so nice to me?” Vin demanded quietly.
“Why shouldn’t I be?” Tindwyl asked.
“Because you’re mean to Elend,” Vin said. “Don’t deny it—I’ve listened in on your lessons. You spend the time insulting and disparaging him. But now you’re pretending to be nice.”
Tindwyl smiled. “I am not pretending, child.”
“Then why are you so mean to Elend?”
“The lad grew up as a pampered son of a great lord,” Tindwyl said. “Now that he’s king, he needs a little harsh truth, I think.” She paused, glancing down at Vin. “I sense that you’ve had quite enough of that in your life.”
The dressmaker approached with his swatches, spreading them out on a low table. “Now, my lady,” he said, tapping one group with a bent finger. “I think your coloring would look particularly good with dark cloth. A nice maroon, perhaps?”