“Especially after you dragged us both out here.” Aaron smirked down at me. “We’ve already got an invite to the Keys of Solomon guild. Let’s use it to get at the guild mole—and through him, we’ll find their leader.”
“We can save Ezra and take down a cult.” Kai smiled. “I like it.”
My answering smile wobbled, tears pricking my eyes. This trip had been a frickin’ rollercoaster ride of conflicting feelings, and I felt like a ping-pong ball being whacked between opposing emotional states.
“Where are the Keys’ headquarters?” I asked. “Are we gonna have to drive all night again?”
“It’s in Salt Lake City, as I recall. Utah,” Kai added helpfully. “About a day’s drive to the southeast.”
I pretended like I’d known that, but when it came to US geography, my trivia skills were patchy at best. “So we’ll be driving all night, then.”
“We could …” Kai’s thoughtful gaze drifted toward the out-of-sight living room. “But why drive when you can fly? I’ll talk to Makiko.”
He swept out of the room, leaving me blinking in confusion. Shaking my head, I leaned into Aaron, eyes closing tiredly. The buzz from the healer’s potion was fading fast, and I really wanted a nap. Or better yet, a full night’s sleep.
“We can’t give up,” I whispered. “We have to keep going … but what if we take too long? What if we’re too late, and Ezra … Going to Salt Lake City will take us even farther away from him.” Cracking my eyes open, I hesitated. “Should we tell him? That the Enright cult survived?”
Aaron was silent for a long moment. “There’s a line between keeping secrets because the consequences of the truth scare you, and keeping secrets because you need to be beside someone when you share the truth.”
I exhaled shakily. “You’re right. That isn’t a bombshell we can drop on him over the phone, especially when he’s all alone.”
“We’ll fill him in once we’re back—and we’ll be returning with good news, right?” He flashed an encouraging grin. “Why don’t you get a few minutes of rest?”
“Yeah,” I mumbled.
Cold washed over me as Aaron moved away, taking his body heat with him. The door closed softly behind him, and I shuffled over to the bed and sat. My own words circled in my head.
What if we take too long? What if we’re too late?
… he’s all alone.
I pressed a hand to my quivering lips. Less than a week ago, Ezra had almost succumbed to madness. He knew his life was essentially over, and in this most painful, frightening, vulnerable time, I’d not only left him behind, but I’d taken his best friends with me.
If Ezra lost his hold and slipped away before we made it back …
He had to hold on. He had to survive until we returned, otherwise I couldn’t bear it—couldn’t bear failing him, couldn’t bear taking his friends away in his final days, couldn’t bear that I’d never found the right time to tell him how I felt.
Aaron’s voice repeated in my ears. There’s a line between keeping secrets because the consequences of the truth scare you …
Whether he’d meant the words as a chastisement, I felt the sting anyway. I’d hidden so much, telling myself over and over that it wasn’t the right time to divulge the truth—it wasn’t the perfect time. And I’d kept on delaying, and delaying, and delaying some more.
And I’d hurt Ezra. I’d hurt Aaron. I’d probably hurt Kai too, though he hid his feelings better.
Why was I still hiding things from the people I loved? Was I afraid to trust? Did I lack faith in them, as Aaron had told me on our way to Enright when I’d revealed my feelings for Ezra?
Months and months ago, during my first tarot reading, Sabrina had told me that change waited for me, but it would be shaped by the fear in my heart—and a week ago, she’d reminded me once more.
Your past and your fears are still holding you back. And as she’d pulled the Death card from her deck yet again, her whispered warning: I think you need to tell him soon.
The same sickening fear I’d felt then swamped me, and I dug my phone out of my pocket. When I unlocked it, my messaging app was already open, displaying the string of unanswered texts I’d sent Ezra over the past two days.
I tapped to start a new message. My heart thudded against my ribs, a drumbeat to the chorus of panicked denials in my head. I should wait. I should tell him in person, face to face. This was the coward’s way out.
But Aaron’s wisdom. The consequences of the truth scare you.
But Sabrina’s warning. You need to tell him soon.
Gulping back the shuddering anxiety, I typed three words and hit send before I could second-guess myself anymore. The message popped into the conversation history, immortalized forever in digital form. I’d done it. I’d said it … or, well, written it.
I didn’t know how to feel. Was terror a normal reaction to something like this?
Holding my phone in both hands, I waited. Voices rumbled in the other room. A door opened and closed with a thump. Footsteps in the hall. More purposeful talking as the others planned our urgent excursion to Utah.
I held my phone, waiting.
Waiting.
Waiting.
Eventually, Aaron tapped on the door. Opened it. Told me we were heading out in a few minutes. Was I ready? I should meet everyone in the living room right away. The door closed again.
I slid my fingers across the phone screen, swiping away the text app. Then I wiped the cold trails of tears off my cheeks, pocketed my phone, and got to my feet.
The consequences of the truth … they hurt like a bitch.
Chapter Nineteen
- EZRA -
One of Aaron’s generic rock playlists blasted from the speakers in the corner, the beat thudding in my chest as I hung from the pull-up bar. Weights dangled from the thick belt I wore, dragging at my hips.
I drew my body up with one arm until my chin passed the bar. The weights clanked against my thighs as I held the position, then slowly lowered. My arm burned. It wasn’t enough.
Finishing the rep, I dropped to the floor, unbuckled the weight belt, and set it aside. My bare feet padded across the mats as I walked to the shelf with the speakers and picked up my phone to change the playlist.
A notification glowed on the screen. A new text from Tori.
Over the past two days, she hadn’t sent me any details on what she and Aaron were up to. I knew from Aaron that they were following a lead and had left Enright, but I didn’t know what the lead was and hadn’t asked.
Tori’s initial messages had been longer—apologies and questions and worries. This last day, however, her messages had been short, with no questions or pleas for a reply, as though she no longer expected me to answer.
I’m so sorry.
I wish you were here.
I hope you’re okay.
I miss you.
Phone balanced on my palm, I tapped her newest message. The short text bloomed on the screen, three simple words that struck my chest like a blow from a demon’s fist.
I stared at those three words, unable to breathe. My hand spasmed around the phone and with a muffled pop, its case cracked. I shoved it onto the shelf before I broke the screen and backed away, air rasping in my lungs.