I ran through the words again, and understanding drove in my chest like a twisting knife.
My guitar went silent under my hands. I drew in a deep breath, then let it out. Memories rose inside me—shattered homes, abandoned possessions, the obliterated temple with its gray stones stained red. Emptiness where there had once been family. Agony where there had once been happiness.
My fault. All my fault—and any attempt at escaping my predetermined end felt like an evasion of my rightful punishment for the damage and death I’d caused.
I didn’t deserve to be happy. I didn’t deserve to be loved or protected. I didn’t deserve to have a normal life—as normal as my life could be while concealing that I was a demon mage.
Setting my guitar on the bed, I reached for my nightstand. In the top drawer, a leather-bound album. I pulled it onto my lap and opened the cover. Slowly, I flipped through photo after photo of me, Aaron, Kai, and Tori. Especially Tori.
I stopped on the last photo. My and Tori’s selfie from the Christmas party, taken as I’d laughed at her attempt to get a more flattering picture. Mere minutes later, in a back hall of the manor, she’d kissed me under the mistletoe.
With the album balanced on my lap, I slid my phone from my pocket. The screen glowed too brightly for the dimly lit room as I opened our text conversation. Her last message waited, unanswered. She hadn’t sent any more.
I didn’t deserve to be loved …
My thumb tapped her icon, bringing up her contact info. I selected her number.
… but somehow, it had happened anyway.
I pressed the call button and lifted the phone to my ear as it rang.
Chapter Twenty-Three
West Yellowstone was a town in southern Montana. Yeah, Montana. We were heading home, but Aaron had detoured off the main road so we could all get a proper night’s rest in an out-of-the-way location.
Food, showers, clean clothes, sleep. They should have been my top priority, but while the others were in our motel room, taking turns in the bathroom and finishing off several bags of takeout, I wasn’t with them.
Instead, I was back in the passenger seat of Aaron’s SUV. With the chair reclined as far as it would go, I stared dully at the roof, my bruised, aching arm resting on my stomach.
I hadn’t been able to handle the others’ quiet discussion of the cult—the Court, as Daniel’s demon had called it. The Court, which seemed to be the cult’s top level that controlled the smaller “circles” like the one in Portland. An interconnected system both hidden and powerful, and insidious enough to ensnare not one but four members of the Keys of Solomon. Who knew what other guilds or groups the cult had wormed into?
The Court knew the Portland circle had been discovered, and they would make it disappear—if they hadn’t already. The Praetor had vanished, and he was probably the only member of that group who knew anything of consequence.
And without the Portland circle and its Praetor, we had nothing but a dying demon’s nonsensical description.
North. West. Capilano. Among the thāitav. By the river.
Google hadn’t revealed a town or city called Capilano, but it was a common name for everything from neighborhoods to streets to shopping malls. “By the river” narrowed the options slightly, but thāitav wasn’t a word in any language we could figure out, meaning it was probably demonic.
Maybe, with weeks or months of careful investigation, the Crow and Hammer could expose the Court. Maybe our guild could even bring it down, though Aaron thought it would require MPD oversight and a coordinated multi-guild effort to truly stamp out.
But none of that would save Ezra.
Somewhere at my feet, the Vh’alyir Amulet lay where I’d dropped it. How many deaths had I caused with this naïve expedition? I’d deceived and hurt my friends. Dragged Aaron and Kai away from Ezra when he most needed them. Put Justin’s life in danger. Gotten Blake horribly injured—or maybe fatally injured.
All for nothing.
Swallowing a miserable groan, I sat up and studied the amulet between my feet. I lifted it by the chain, then popped open the glove box to toss the amulet inside. As the plastic door dropped open, the cult scepter rolled out.
I caught it. The amulet in one hand and the scepter in the other, I stared at the two artifacts. Why had I thought a lost talisman could save Ezra? Why had I thought I could find a way when no one else could? Why had I thought I could change anything?
I was just a magic-less human pretending she was special.
Jaw clenched, I wrapped the amulet chain around the silver scepter handle and shoved both into the dark compartment. Flopping back onto the reclined seat, I stared upward as tears slid sideways down my face and into my hair.
My phone buzzed against my butt cheek.
I jumped half a foot off the seat, then dug my phone out of my pocket. Expecting a call from Aaron telling me to come inside and shower, I glanced unenthusiastically at the screen.
Ezra’s picture filled it, a crop of him staring with extreme seriousness into the camera while he had paintball goggles perched on top of his plastic helmet and pink paint splattering one cheek. My heart stalled.
Ezra was calling me after days of silence.
Why?
Panic wrapped its icy claws around my lungs as I brought the phone to my ear and whispered, “Hello?”
“Tori?”
Ezra’s voice washed over me, soothing the open wounds in my soul. I’d missed his voice so much. I’d missed him so much.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, my panic unabated. “Are you okay?”
“I’m okay.”
More than just the words, he sounded fine, and that’s all it took for relief to flood me.
“What about you?” he asked with a hesitant pause. “You don’t sound like yourself.”
My mouth was open to speak, but I couldn’t say I was fine. Nothing was fine. Everything was wrong, broken, disintegrating as I desperately tried to hold it together. I’d promised myself I would save him, and I’d failed.
I burst into tears.
“Tori, what’s wrong?”
I shook with sobs as anguish and guilt and regret pummeled me. “I’m so sorry, Ezra. I’m so sorry. I lied to you and I put everyone in danger and I knew it was important to tell you about Eterran but I—I was so afraid. I couldn’t lose you. I couldn’t handle it.”
“Tori—”
“And then I dragged Aaron and Kai out here.” The words spilled out, trembling and barely coherent. “I thought I could do this, and I got their hopes up too, but it’s been a complete disaster and I—I—I screwed up everything, Ezra, and I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay,” he said softly. “I’m sorry too. I’m sorry you had to fight for me.”
My hand tightened on the phone, pressing it hard into my ear. “I should’ve listened. You all told me it was impossible and there was no way to s-save you, but I didn’t want to believe it. I thought you guys just hadn’t tried hard enough, and that was stupid and wrong and just—just wrong. All I did was make everyone suffer more because I didn’t trust you and Aaron and Kai.”
“That isn’t true. You have more trust in us than we deserve.” A rustle as he shifted the phone. “Tori, what’s been happening?”