“Why?” The stars were dimming again as the storm rolled in closer. A hot splash of metal hung heavy with water filled the space, and Newt mewled his displeasure at the thunder rolling over Balboa. “They don’t know me from… Adam. Which would make more sense if you were human.”
“You’re a part of the Court, and yes, they do know you. Alexa is more than happy to extol your virtues to anyone coming through our gates.” Ryder reached out to Newt, who sniffed at the Sidhe Lord’s extended fingers. “Do not bite me, gargoyle. I’ve got fish scraps in the kitchen with your name on them.”
“He’d rather eat the fingers.” Snorting, I nestled down into the pillows again, wishing the whiskey would numb every inch of me. There were parts of my soul I couldn’t reach with its amber kiss, aching raw spots where I’d sliced apart my conflicted feelings for Jonas and Sparky. Maybe the booze made my tongue looser or maybe I just didn’t give a shit anymore, but the words were pouring out of my mouth before I could stop them, spilling into Ryder’s lap. “You know the shittiest thing about this whole thing? All this time, everyone’s been telling me how much of an asshole Dempsey is—was—but he was the one who protected me.”
“Why did he tell you these things about Jonas and the others?” Ryder spoke carefully, treading softly across the eggshells I’d laid down between us. “Wouldn’t it have been better for you not to know how things were back then? I mean, they love you. I’ve never had any doubt about how Jonas feels about you, so why would Dempsey bring that all up now?”
It was a good question. I asked that as well. Grimacing when Newt’s claws dug into my thigh, I responded, “Because he wanted me to know about how things were. So I knew what happened. How people thought. About me. About… him. I get that. I understand back then they never really saw an elfin up close unless of course they were killing it, and to everyone, I was probably the biggest monster they were ever going to face. It didn’t matter that I was half insane from iron and about as feral as a mad lemming, because all they saw were the pointed ears and glowing eyes.
“He never spoke against any of them. He encouraged each of them to get to know me, to help make me human. Even with Sarah, who walked away from him. I was the reason they never got married. She didn’t want to raise a cat bastard her husband retrieved on a run.” I closed my eyes, willing the whiskey to stay down in my stomach. “I used to think people distanced themselves from Dempsey because he was an asshole, but the truth was, they were just avoiding me. He worked to bring Jonas and Sparky around, making them important to me, to my life, but even though he wanted me to understand how people changed—that everyone deserves a second chance—I can’t get past the idea that none of them were willing to help save me.”
Ryder remained silent, but he took the bottle from me and set it on the floor. His hands crept into mine, squeezing tight enough for me to feel his heart, but then I didn’t need to touch him to be aware of his presence. There was a part of him that lived inside of me even if I wasn’t willing to admit it, and in the flashing lights and angry shadows of the brewing storm, I couldn’t help but feel him anchoring me.
“You know how much I love chocolate. My first real memory of Jonas was him giving me a piece of it. Apparently he’d come out to meet Dempsey to take me to Elfhaine. They’d made arrangements to meet up someplace near Ithaca so Jonas could help transport me. That’s when Dempsey told him the deal was off. That he was going to take me in and give me a life, because he knew in his gut that if ever I made it to Anaheim, I would never see the light of day again.” I took a breath, amazed at how hard it was to get my lungs to breathe. Pain pressed into my chest, sharp phantom daggers of whispered words piercing through my soul. “He’d given me chocolate to make me complacent, to make it easier to lead me to my slaughter in Elfhaine without a fight. So tell me, what’s the difference between Jonas and Tanic? Tell me, what’s the difference between the executioner with a carrot and the psychopathic Wild Hunt Master with a stick?”
“That’s not who he is now,” Ryder pointed out. “He thinks of you as his son as much as Dempsey did.”
“That’s because he doesn’t see me as an elfin anymore,” I said, suddenly missing the rest of the bottle. “You should hear them sometimes, talking about the wars and what they went through with the cat bastards they fought. And then there’s always a little hiccup of space before they assure me they’re not talking about me. That they don’t think of me that way. Listening to Dempsey talk to me about how I was going to need to change how I felt about the Sidhe, how I needed to embrace being an elfin, was just lost in a bunch of buzzing noise, because all I could hear was how every single one of them wanted to turn me over, to make me go away so Dempsey could go on with his life. Even if mine ended.”
“You don’t know that. Maybe the contract to extract you was because your mother’s family found out you existed and they wanted to bring you home.” He moved closer, until the length of his body was up against mine, pressing against me in delicious and confusing ways. “Dempsey might have read it wrong. You don’t—”
“The contract was for dead or alive.” I felt his startled gasp more than I heard it. “He would’ve gotten double the contract if I were alive, but they were more than happy with dead. Greed kept my head on my neck long enough for Dempsey to get me out, and then after that, whatever good he had inside of him gathered up into a ball of stubborn and refused to give me up. He told me everything they gave him for the contract was left with his brother Kenny in New Vegas. The guy hates my guts, but I’ve got a handful of Dempsey’s ashes to give him and his share of Dempsey’s estate, providing he coughs up what’s in that deposit box.
“Dempsey told me it was up to me about whether or not I opened it. He thought I shouldn’t go chasing after ghosts, but it looks like shit is coming for me, or at least has been for a while. I just didn’t know it. So not only do I have Tanic to worry about, but somebody living under Sebac’s web wanted me dead.” I was grateful for Ryder’s hand, unwilling to let him go even when the cold wind blew through the open doors, leaving my skin icy. “He didn’t tell me before because he didn’t think I could hold my own. I was too young and inexperienced and pretty much hidden from view. Not now. Now everyone up north knows I exist, and Tanic is circling. Funny thing is he really wasn’t sure if I would survive with just Jonas and the others at my side, but now there’s you and the Court. He somehow thought you’d stand with me, although I don’t know how much good that would do against anything. It’s not your fight. And it sure as hell’s not theirs.”
“It is my fight. Wherever you go, I will be there,” Ryder whispered. He leaned over, pressing his forehead against my temple. “I am your friend. At the very least, I am that, even as I want more. And having said those words, I will tell you I will go with you to give your respects to Dempsey’s brother, and I should probably leave you to get some sleep.”
“Yeah. Sleep would be good. I don’t want to think about any of this right now. It’s too much.” I refused to let go of his hand. Despite not having another mouthful of liquor, I was getting drunker by the moment, and the thought of being alone hurt more than any betrayal I felt. I licked my lips, then said, “Stay. Please.”