“Not even my brother knows, Vhalla.” He turned back. “Not even Larel knows, and she’s the closest person I’ve ever had to calling a true friend. I tried to tell her once and that just went over awfully.” He sighed and rubbed his eyes with his palms.
Vhalla had come to think of Aldrik as one of the strongest people she knew. Seeing him so close to his breaking point pulled her to her feet.
“End the Joining.”
He grimaced, shook his head, and pinched the bridge of his nose.
“It only started after the Joining.” She pleaded, “Aldrik, please, I don’t want to hurt you. I want you to close what was opened.”
“And I want you to survive this war!” he nearly shouted. Vhalla blinked as his words stung the corners of her eyes. Still, he still was mindful of her wellbeing. Even when he was in so much pain, even when she had pilfered intimate knowledge of him, he refused relief for her sake.
“Mother Sun, woman,” Aldrik groaned. He crossed the room and stood before her, releasing his tension with a sigh. Slowly, gently, Aldrik wiped her cheeks. “Why are you crying?”
Vhalla hiccupped. “Because you may be the most amazing person I have ever met.”
“I am not. If it had been anyone other than you, I likely would have killed them on the spot and burned their body until there was nothing left but dust,” Aldrik swore darkly.
She knew it shouldn’t, but just hearing it put that way brought a small smile to her mouth.
Aldrik sighed. “I don’t know if I’ll ever be inclined to talk about these things.”
“That’s fine.”
“Tell me, from now on, no matter what they are. Whatever you see, I need to know,” he said gravely.
“I promise.” She nodded, apprehensive of what was locked away in his memories that gave him such fear.
Aldrik sighed and stepped away. “Vhalla, I need some time.” He rubbed his eyes tiredly. “I understand you didn’t choose this.” He swallowed hard. “I-I am not angry at you for it. I am not blaming you. But, this ... this, letting someone in is already so far beyond what I am accustomed to.”
“I didn’t realize.” Vhalla rubbed her eyes, hanging her head.
Aldrik tapped her chin, summoning her attention. “Good. It’s been better than good.” He shook his head. “I can’t even ... form sentences. This, you and I, my being pushed beyond the personal hell I built for myself, has been good. I’ve felt more like a man in the past months-weeks, in the past days being with you, than I have in years. As though I can enjoy things without—guilt. Good isn’t even the right word to say for it. You’ve let me be the person I always wished I could be and, I ...”
“I understand.” Vhalla spared him further struggle. “I’ll wait, take your time.”
“I just need to really understand what it’s like to have someone whom-whom I trust.” Aldrik avoided her gaze, scowling at himself. “Someone who knows my dark truths and who isn’t seeking something from me or is trying to use something against me.”
Vhalla nodded, taking a breath for courage. She pressed her palms against her eyes briefly to hold in more tears of hurt and frustration. Intentional or not, she had hurt him and that ground her heart into pieces. And now she had to leave him at his request; even if he needed time, it didn’t sit well with her.
Aldrik’s form was hunched and his eyes were somber as he led her down the passageway. There was a sorrowful resignation between them at the suppression of something that had just begun to blossom. It may be stinted, but Vhalla vowed she wouldn’t let the flame that burned between them be extinguished.
As if reading her mind, Aldrik turned. “Thank you.”
“For what?” She blinked at him.
“For not fleeing my side after you ... had to experience all that.” Aldrik rubbed his forearm.
Vhalla wondered if he even realized he was doing it. “I may not understand it all,” she whispered, braving a step closer to him. “But who you were made you who you are now. I wish you’d never had to suffer. But I’ll take the past gladly so I can share the present.”
She saw the beginnings of a smile that he quickly abandoned. Aldrik pulled her in for a tight embrace, and she heard his breath quiver. Before he could lose his composure, he turned and pushed open the secret door.
“Return at noon. My father will be expecting you then.” His voice was distant.
“I will see you then,” Vhalla said hopefully.
But the door had already closed.
Larel and Fritz were playing a game of Carcivi when Vhalla mindlessly stumbled into the downstairs of their inn. She gave them one glance, nothing more than acknowledging they were there, before dragging her feet toward the stairs. A chair scraped against the ground.
“We’ll finish later,” Vhalla heard Larel saying. The woman was quick on Vhalla’s heels.
“Larel,” Vhalla whispered weakly.
“What is it? What’s wrong?” Larel rested her hands lightly on Vhalla’s quivering shoulders.
“I hurt him, Larel ...” Weakness burst forth from her, and Vhalla relied on the other woman’s support once more to put her back together in time to face the Emperor.
VHALLA OPENED HER eyes to the stunned faces of royals, lords, and ladies. The only person in the room who wasn’t impressed was Aldrik. Despite her demonstration being better than even she expected, the prince maintained his withdrawn and ambivalent look. She knew he couldn’t show her favor in front of the nobles, especially after hearing Lord Ophain speak on how careless he’d been with the affections he’d already displayed, but there was a larger wall there than just acting. Be it the Joining, the Bond, time spent together, or a combination of it all, he was poor at hiding his feelings from her, and Vhalla could see the hurt and fear in the depths of his eyes every time he looked her way.
Everyone gave her space as she pushed herself off the plush furniture. No one said anything. The majors who had been assembled, the highest of the Emperor’s command, looked between her and their leader, reserving all judgment until they had heard his assessment.
The most powerful man in the world leaned forward, his eyes glittering. “Well, Miss Yarl, that was certainly impressive.”
“Thank you, my lord.” Vhalla lowered her eyes in respect.
“This demonstration is replicable an infinite amount of times?” The Emperor turned to his eldest son.
“As long as her magic Channel is not blocked in some way, like depletion or Eradication,” Aldrik affirmed with a nod.
The Emperor stroked his beard and turned to the nobles assembled. “My son has already formulated some plans on how we will be able to use this power effectively in the North. However, I would like each of you to put together your own strategy before we reach the Northern border.”
They spoke as though she wasn’t there. Vhalla shifted in her seat, folding and unfolding her hands in her lap. She was a tool to these people, designed to be used in whatever way they saw fit.
A pair of eyes caught her attention. The only person focused on her was the younger prince. She met Prince Baldair’s gaze and was surprised to see sympathy there. Vhalla averted her eyes. She didn’t want his pity.