“What the hell do you want?” she growled as I neared her suspended star form. My eyes traced over her expression, which was rather relaxed despite her tone of voice. She was truly happy up here. Of course she was fucking pissed at me, but I could almost see the tension lifted from her. As if up here she wasn’t weighed down by something darker and heavier that existed down there.
I understood that far too well.
“You need to come back,” I stated softly. If we weren’t careful, weeks could pass in the blink of an eye, and I didn’t trust those fuckers to not do something drastic. Like try to kill me.
“I don’t want to,” she frowned softly, her expression tightening. “I feel better up here.”
I winced. “I know, Lorcan, but what happened earlier...”
“No.” She held up a palm and floated away from me. “We aren’t talking about that.”
“We can’t ignore it,” I pointed out while following her, trying to find a way to fucking apologize without begging her.
“You have no idea what you are talking about,” she hissed. “You have no idea what I’ve been through and how I handle shit.”
My thoughts dimmed as I searched her gaze, realizing what she was more than likely talking about. “I think I know better than anyone what you’ve been through.”
Her eyes focused on me briefly as she nibbled her lip and then turned on her back, floating next to me and looking at the stars above us. For some time she didn’t say anything. I would answer her if she asked. I would tell her exactly how many times throughout history someone had successfully taken advantage of me. Women. Men. Didn’t matter. When someone wanted something bad enough, they found a way to get it. My head felt dizzy with the concept.
How many times had I had my control and power taken from me? It felt like hundreds. The heavy weight of depression that seemed to always be waiting in the wings crawled across my skin. Now I felt even more like a dick. My siren had started to feel guilty about binding her in the first place, and if he was feeling guilty then shit was really bad. Her siren was completely intertwined with her and still sleeping, clearly exhausted.
“What are you really doing here?” she asked softly.
“I have been informing the sirens...”
“Why?” she asked, seemingly not interested in what I was informing them of.
“The Cosmos god demanded I do so,” I shrugged. “I take my orders from him. Ask him if you want to.”
Her brows dipped. “That sounds like bullshit.”
“Why would I lie to you?” I asked quietly.
She straightened herself and regarded me quietly, moving into my space. “I don’t know. Why did you lock me into a chair when you could have just had a goddamn conversation with me? Why did you leave me like that, alone?”
That. That was absolutely valid. But she wasn’t done.
“You broke the most important goddamn rule of being a siren, so sorry if I am a bit fucking suspicious of you.”
“What rule is that?” I asked, my chest pulsating in knowing pain. I’d been through the pain, the numbness, and everything in between. I’d had centuries I couldn’t remember. I had years where I had tried to kill myself. I’d been alone through all of it. Every step of the way, alone. Still alone.
“You never,” she hissed, “leave a siren in a situation where they can’t use their magic to keep themselves safe.”
My head pulsed with pain as memories tried to collapse over me. I felt my jaw clench. “Lorcan, I stepped right outside the office door. I didn’t plan—”
“I screamed for help,” she snapped, her black eyes looking a bit shiny for a moment.
“I didn’t hear anything,” I admitted softly, frowning.
I should have been able to hear and feel her magic. Especially her panic. The ward hadn’t even been that strong after Adriel had hit it with star magic, and frankly, I hadn’t been overly concerned because at that point I’d gotten my message across to her. But now I was remembering that odd flash of magic I’d felt as I left the office. Not hers, but a different one, one that smelled more like elven magic. I had assumed it was Adriel’s, but now I was wondering just how fucking convenient it was that the Zeke asshole showed up when he did… My concern began to grow as I realized someone may have blocked my power. That was fucking unsettling. I may be a piece of shit, but there was almost no one that was able to control my power.
Lorcan shook her head. “It’s fine. I appreciate the warning about the dark ones, but...”
“It’s not that easy, Lorcan,” I breathed out, knowing she’d most likely tell me to go fuck myself. “You can’t just ignore this, we need to...”
“To what?” She was up in my face as her pale blue strands of hair floated around us in a veil. “I am so tired of being told what I need to do. You have no fucking right to come into my life and demand something of me that I am not willing to give.”
I breathed out and closed my eyes, understanding her so fucking well it was actually uncomfortable. I needed to get far away from this fucking woman.
“Listen, it’s true the dark ones are after us, but more than that... We are the only ones that can actually destroy them. We can’t just wait for this to play out.”
“I am not becoming part of this stupid bullshit!”
“If they consume Earth, all the realms attached to it will come with,” I hissed darkly. “Everyone you love, everyone you know will be absolutely extinguished.”
The news of that seemed to hit Lorcan as she let out a curse, once again pushing off a star and soaring above me, trying to spiral and turn away from me. I wished I could capture the moment or paint it, because the way she moved was fucking angelic in nature. I was nearly jealous of the ease in which she moved in her own skin.
“How do I know you're not my stalker?” she demanded softly, in front of me again. “We killed the principal yesterday and you’re suddenly there? Leaving me in a position to get hurt?”
My lip tilted, feeling frustrated a bit. “Trust me Lorcan, I don’t stalk. If I wanted you, I’d tell you.” Alright, that was partly a lie.
Her next grievance was a good one. “I don’t like that you can roll my power. It scares the shit out of me. I can’t handle being around someone that I know can take away my control so easily. I don’t even know your name!”
“Zander,” I offered, feeling embarrassed and shameful about all of this. Fuck, I would probably be red in the face if we weren’t in our cosmic forms. It didn’t surprise me, though. There was a reason I had always been so goddamn isolated. Half by choice and half because no one really wanted me.
“Zander,” she said softly, and it took real effort to not grow hard at the sound of my name on her lips. “You just fucked with my power. You didn’t even give me the option to fucking talk to you like normal!”
I inhaled sharply and nodded, my heart clenching. I felt like this was the most intimate fucking conversation I’d had with someone in centuries.
I swallowed and spoke the words my siren was demanding. “Lorcan, I don’t know what to say. I’m fucking sorry. I am really fucking sorry. I didn’t consider… I didn’t consider how that would feel, and that’s fucking stupid of me considering my own past. I will never do that again. I promise you.”