“No, she does. She’s just like that with everyone. It’s not you. She’s got – well, we think she’s got – postnatal depression,” he said, his voice dropping to a whisper.
Harriet’s eyebrows rose. “Really?”
“Yeah. We think she had it when she died and got stuck like that. She sleeps a lot, even when she’s got plenty of energy.”
Harriet blinked, aghast. “Wow.” She shook her head. “I suppose I got off lucky. She’s going to be really tired and depressed … for ever? For the whole of eternity?”
He winced. When she put it like that, it sounded a lot more horrifying than he’d realized. “Not for eternity. We’re all going to disintegrate one day, anyway.”
“What happens to ghosts when we disintegrate? Do you know?”
“Nobody knows. I’ve always wondered.”
“When I went outside the building, it felt as if I was breaking into atoms,” Harriet said. “Like it was a final end and I was losing all consciousness. Becoming part of the universe.”
Felix took this in. He’d not really considered it before. Clearly there was something that contained human consciousness, that left the body and became ghosts when they died. For lack of a better word, a soul – a personality, made up of the energy they all craved. But what happened after the ghosts disintegrated? Where did those souls go?
“I don’t really believe in a god,” he said. “But I do wish there was more than disintegration. That sounds so … final. Surely there’s some sort of cycle? Our energy has to go somewhere, right?”
Before Harriet could reply, there was a cry as Rima ended the fight with Kasper by turning into a bear and throwing herself at his chest. He plummeted to the floor, shrieking as she licked his face with a slobbery bear tongue.
“TRUCE!” he screamed. “You’re hilarious, I swear! And I’m – I’m the cool one!”
Rima settled back on her haunches, turning back into a human. “You can have ‘cool’. ‘Cool’ is less obnoxious than ‘charming’. Your ego can handle it.”
Kasper hopped to his feet, brushing off his shoulders and strutting like a peacock.
Felix was about to ask whether Rima was absolutely sure Kasper’s ego could handle it, when Kasper winked at Harriet and said, “Hey, Stoker, it’s Halloween tomorrow, and we’re having a party in Rima’s room. Do you want to come with me? It’s usually pretty fun. If you like pretending to be drunk and celebrating our spirit lives.”
Felix’s whole body seized up in a wince. Devastation was too strong a word. Devastation was something he had no right to feel, not about Kasper. But it hurt. He couldn’t tell whether it was disappointment or embarrassment – that Kasper was doing this in front of him; that Rima and Leah were here to see his reaction; that Felix couldn’t stop himself from caring.
Harriet shrugged. “Sure. It’s not like I have any plans.”
Felix glared at the ground, swallowing a thousand comments before they had a chance to be verbalized. He told himself that he wasn’t jealous, just concerned about Harriet’s attitude. And he was. But still, still, still…
She was dangling something precious from her fingers, when it should be cradled against her chest, nurtured between warm palms. She had Kasper, his Kasper, and Felix suspected it was only because she was bored. That aloof distance had never left her gaze.
Next to Felix, Leah let out a long, hoarse snore that almost sounded real.
“I’m going to go and check my phone for new messages,” Harriet said. Kasper murmured something about helping and followed her out of the room.
“Just in time,” Leah said, when Harriet was gone. She sat up, stretching. “I was getting pins and needles.”
“Do you not like Harriet?” Rima asked Leah, surprised.
“Not particularly.”
Rima sighed. “I don’t think she means to be so abrupt; she’s just shy. It doesn’t seem like she’s had many friends before.”
Felix frowned, shifting Claudia slightly. “There’s something really odd about her, you know. She’s so obsessed with the idea of powers and leaving the building. She’s got it into her head that her power will help her do that.”
“Felix, she just died,” Rima said. “She wants something positive to focus on. It was so exciting to find out what our powers did, remember? Plus, she had an odd reaction to energy when Qi did the rat test. She’s probably still recovering from that.”
Felix frowned. The rat test was the most basic form of energy distribution – if Harriet hadn’t been able to handle that, then she must be volatile, to say the least. How could Rima not see that? She was always far too trusting. She had told him once that before they died, she’d lent someone her coursework so they could double-check an answer, and they had handed it in as their own. She had failed the module. The way she had told Felix this story had made it clear that this was a big, dark, shameful secret for her. Of course, Felix would never have lent anyone his coursework in the first place.
“Harriet’s just struggling to adapt,” Leah agreed, cupping a hand over her mouth to hide a yawn.
“No, it’s something more than that,” he said. “I mentioned my power to her, and she didn’t even seem to understand why going around hypnotizing people wasn’t allowed.”
“Are you sure you’re not overreacting because you’re … you know?” Rima chewed on her lip, looking uncomfortable.
“I’m what?”
Rima looked away. “Because you’re jealous, Felix.”
Felix blinked twice, very quickly, going hot all over. “What?” he said and winced when his words came out strangled. “I’m not jealous! What reason do I have to be jealous?”
Leah sighed. “Drop the act. We’ve all known about your crush for decades. Your entire identity is based around your feelings for another man.”
“I don’t like Captain America that much!” he attempted to joke.
Rima and Leah both pulled unimpressed faces at him, so he stopped even trying. It would probably be rude to disintegrate in the middle of this conversation as an avoidance tactic. “Does everyone know? Does he?”
Rima touched his arm. “Oh, no! I don’t think so. Kasper’s kind of oblivious. And your crush mainly manifests itself as … how should I put this…?”
“Unresolved sexual tension?” Leah suggested.
“Immature squabbling,” Rima said instead.
“Right,” Felix said, feeling dizzy. “Good to know.”
“Anyway, it’s completely understandable that you’d feel anxious about a new girl coming and taking all his attention.”
“Taking all his attention? I’m not an idiot,” he hissed. “Kasper’s straight. I know he’ll never be interested in me, so what would I have to gain from accusing Harriet like this unless it were true? I’m going to keep an eye on her, whatever you say.”
Chapter 7
HARRIET
Kasper followed Harriet up the stairs to the first floor, telling her the plan for their Halloween party date in great detail. He even asked her favourite kind of flower – apparently he had a friend whose power let them grow bouquets, or something.