Rima glowed. “See! I’m totally right. I knew it. You’re all suckers.”
“Ugh,” Leah opened her eyes to say, and then, exhausted, closed them again. “Let’s change the subject. Why don’t you play a game or something.”
“Ooh!” Rima said. “Felix – Kiss, Marry, Kill. Kasper, Ruf—”
“Kasper,” Felix interrupted.
Rima slowly closed her mouth. “I haven’t even said the other options yet.”
“No need.”
The corner of Leah’s mouth twitched.
Rima said, “You’d … kiss, marry and kill Kasper?”
Persevering, Felix said, “I stand by what I said. Unless Captain America is one of the other options.”
Harriet made an “Ohhh…” noise, like she’d figured something out.
The back of Felix’s neck went hot. He had been out for ages, but it still felt weird when he came out to someone new. It was such intensely personal information to just announce to the world. He tugged Claudia into his lap, tickling her until her cheeks dimpled and she started waving her hands and making tiny, adorable giggles.
“You’re LGBT?” Harriet asked him. “I’m pan.”
Felix raised his eyebrows. “I call it being gay. What do all those new letters stand for?”
Harriet explained the most recent terminology to them, including something called demisexuality. Felix still didn’t know what to make of her – he didn’t really understand her at all – but there was something warm in his chest at the thought that she wasn’t straight. He was no longer the only one who was different. She was like him. However strange she was – that, at least, made him grateful she was here.
Kasper jogged up to the window and climbed out onto the fire escape.
He must have been running laps up and down the corridors, because he was shirtless. There was a scattering of small freckles across the tops of his shoulders, his collarbones and curling down the back of his neck. Remnants of a past life spent in the sun. The marks were so beautiful that Felix felt the pit of his stomach turning to liquid.
“You all right?” Kasper asked them, panting, as he stretched out his hamstrings. Glowing pink, he wiped sweat off his brow with one forearm.
“We were just talking about bisexuality,” Rima told him. “You know, being attracted to both men and women?” She watched Kasper carefully.
Felix was amused. She clearly wanted Felix to deal with his thing for Kasper, but did she think this would help? Was she expecting Kasper to say, “Yes, Rima, you know, I am in fact bisexual myself. I also have a crush on Felix. I am going to kiss him!”
Felix bit his lip, flushing. Actually, that wouldn’t be so bad. “You’re my universe, dude,” Kasper could say, maybe. Not that Felix had thought about it much.
It had always been weird to him that you could think about someone as much as you wanted and they would have no idea. How could Kasper not see it on his face at every moment?
Kasper shrugged, too busy looking at Harriet to pay attention. “I’ve, er, heard of it. I guess.”
When Harriet met his gaze, his body language went … softer.
Felix rolled his eyes at Rima, feeling exasperated.
Harriet completed the image that Kasper wanted to present to the world: a sporty lads’ lad with an attractive girlfriend. This whole infatuation was just based on appearance – his own, as much as Harriet’s. Kasper was terrified to step outside the norm in any way.
“I’m looking forward to our date tonight,” Kasper told Harriet. He rubbed at the hair on the back of his head, fluffing it up with his fingers. “Can I use your phone before the party starts? I want to make you a mixtape.”
“Oh. Er, my phone’s battery died. Such a shame,” Harriet said in a voice so flat that it was almost a monotone. “A mixtape would have been lovely.”
“Oh.” Kasper deflated. “Did the Shells break it?”
“The Shells?” Harriet frowned, then sat bolt upright. “Oh. Oh. I have to go.”
Seconds later, she was gone. Kasper collapsed onto the fire escape in a sulking heap. Felix tried not to watch him mope. He hated this.
Let’s go back to the day that Rima, Kasper and Felix met, when Felix knocked Kasper’s alarm clock to the ground on moving-in day. Afterwards, Oscar had to persuade Felix not to delay uni and take a gap year to recover from his shame.
When Felix got back to his room, the door to the bathroom was half open. Someone had moved into the adjoining bedroom.
I was watching, of course. It would have been impossible to drag myself away. I’d been waiting for centuries. Nothing could have made me take my eyes off every move they made, trying to understand what was so special about these people.
Kasper stuck his head around the door and said hello, making a joke about how organized the bedroom already was, compared to Kasper’s own. His friendly grin disappeared when Felix turned around.
They both recognized each other at the same time. Kasper said, “Oh,” and Felix visibly blanched.
“Listen,” Felix said, rubbing his palms on his thighs, “I’m so sorry about bumping into you earlier. I can pay for anything that broke.”
“Forget about it. What are you studying, then?”
“Computer Science. You?”
“Art History,” Kasper said.
“Um…” Felix wrinkled his nose. “What kind of job are you going to get with that?”
“What do you mean?”
“Sounds like something you only do if you’ve not got to worry about money.”
Kasper glared at him. “So you’re a snob, are you? I bet you think it’s only for dumb rich kids.”
Felix folded his arms. “Well…”
“You’re calling me stupid, too? You know what, you can pay for the clock after all,” Kasper bit out, his eyes hard. “It was thirty quid.”
Felix grimaced. There was only a ten-pound gift voucher for WHSmith in his wallet. “Actually … I just put all my money on my uni account for meals.”
Kasper snorted. “I should have known it was an empty offer. Thanks for nothing.”
Three nights later, Felix lay in bed listening to the sound of Kasper and a girl through the thin wall. When Kasper ran into Felix the next morning, Felix couldn’t help but snap out a sarcastic comment about keeping the noise down next time. Kasper responded, “Just because you aren’t getting laid, doesn’t mean the rest of us need to hide it.”
Felix had stopped talking to him completely after that. He hadn’t told anyone that he was gay yet. He’d got a pin badge at the university freshers’ fair that had PROUD to be at Warwick written in black curlicue letters over a pink triangle. He took it out every few nights. A few times, I saw him pin it onto his coat, leave it there overnight and then take it off and put it back in his drawer just before he left the room for his morning lectures.
He was still waiting for the right person to tell when he’d died.
HARRIET
Striding up the stairs, Harriet left the group sunbathing on the fire escape. After the Tricksters had told her that she could steal a power from another ghost, they had sent her up to the fifth floor with a telekinetic ghost, who apparently owed the Tricksters a favour. The ghost had made her phone levitate, walking down to the basement with it.