Rima and Leah turned away, giving them a moment of privacy. When Kasper reached for him, he backed away. His entire chest was collapsing.
“Tell me,” Felix said.
“I – I don’t know,” Kasper admitted, against his will. “I’ve been asking myself the same question. I’m sorry. It all happened so fast.”
Felix shuddered. “How did I not see?”
“Felix…” Kasper said, looking guilty. “It’s OK.”
“I don’t think you’re qualified to decide what is and isn’t OK right now!” Felix tipped forwards, burying his head in his hands. The implications of this kept rolling over him in waves, until he was drowning. “I’ve taken advantage of you. That’s basically what this means. You aren’t in a position to give consent right now. And I –” he stumbled to his feet – “I need a minute.”
He walked blindly down the tunnel and sank to his knees, pressing his forehead against the brick. It was over, then. His biggest dream had come true for the grand total of an hour. And then it had been shattered.
Kasper was never going to be able to do this. Not in a way that Felix would allow. He’d never know if Kasper really wanted it, or if it was just the easiest path to take.
Kasper had said he didn’t feel nerves or anticipation any more. Was it even possible for him to fall in love, without those things? What was love, if not the small moments of humanity and vulnerability that came along with trusting someone to catch you, when you fell for them? If Kasper never felt any of that, then any relationship they built wouldn’t mean a thing.
He couldn’t have him. Ever. However much Kasper insisted that he was fine.
He let himself cry. Even now, he knew that Kasper wasn’t worried about any of this. It was like his pain was doubled, with Felix feeling it for them both.
Eventually, his crying stopped feeling real and became self-indulgent and selfish. What was he doing, sobbing over a single kiss when ghosts were being destroyed above them?
He had to forget this had ever happened, shrug off this pity party and destroy the men who had done this to Kasper.
He stood up, realizing awkwardly that the medieval lady ghost had been watching him this whole time.
“Lovely day, isn’t it?” he said inanely, then winced. Lovely day? She lived alone. Underground. Next to her own skeleton. And didn’t speak English.
He hurried back to the others, who all stopped talking as he approached. Kasper was frowning, but it looked artificial, like he was forcing his forehead into a frown to make Felix feel less embarrassed about the whole crying thing.
“I’m ready.” Felix looked away from Kasper. “So how are we going to end this?”
HARRIET
Harriet wrapped her scarf around her neck over and over again, until the stiff fabric propped up the weight of her head. As long as she stared straight ahead, and didn’t make any sudden movements, it was only mildly excruciatingly painful.
She was still weak, even if she wasn’t in danger of becoming a Shell any more. As her energy levels stabilized at a safe amount, her mind was starting to heal from the damage it had taken while holding all that stolen energy inside herself. She could think properly for the first time in days.
She’d turned into someone she didn’t recognize. The memory of Oscar’s dying moments haunted her. His eyes had just gone dark and empty, staring desperately at nothing as he tried to work out what was happening to him.
What had she been thinking? None of that had been her – it had been the powers inside her, burning out her mind.
She’d acted mindlessly, following her instincts without considering who she would hurt along the way. She had condemned people – the Shells, Qi, Oscar, Jonny, Greg, the squash student. So many lives, gone because of her.
That was never, ever happening again. Perhaps her gran had done her a favour by taking the extra energy away. She had been so close to turning into a monster, just like Norma.
In the meantime, she was going to stick close to the Tricksters. Harriet was too vulnerable to fight right now. Norma had multiple stolen powers, including whatever her own turned out to be. She was probably unconscious somewhere from her overdose, but there was a chance she was on the prowl already. Harriet needed allies to survive, and Rufus and Vini were the strongest people here.
Harriet followed in their wake, as the Tricksters’ army rampaged through Mulcture Hall. At first, she’d been certain that this was just a celebration of their freedom, after years in the basement. Surely they’d rein everyone in, once the excitement had worn off? The Tricksters wouldn’t let their army kill every ghost in the building, would they?
But it carried on, and on, and on. They were planning to destroy everyone in their path. Harriet could barely watch. What if they came across Rima? Felix? Kasper? She couldn’t stand knowing that she’d been the death of any of them, even after all their fighting. There was a part of her, buried deep, that still wanted to be friends with them.
When they reached the roof of the building, Rufus breathed in deeply, knocking his fist against his chest. “Ah, fresh air. It’s been a while since we were last allowed outside.”
Vini spat out a chunk of gristle. “Smells like petrol out here. That’s new. The humans really are destroying the sky, then.”
“There’s no escape route up here,” Harriet said, looking around for Norma. “We should go somewhere safer.”
Rufus smiled. “Don’t worry, we’ll protect you. In the meantime, keep an eye out for those friends of yours. You should kill them on sight – except for Leah and the child. Only we’re allowed to deal with them.”
Harriet was surprised. What did they want with Leah and Claudia? The thought of killing any of them sent a pulse of revulsion through her.
Vini laughed, seeing the disgust on her face. “She’s not going to do it, I can tell. Having regrets already, are you? I thought you had bloodlust in your bones.”
“I’m not interested in torturing every ghost I pass, that’s all,” she spat. “But I can still stand up for myself.”
How had she ended up here, rather than with good, kind people like Rima? Harriet hadn’t realized what a precious gift she’d been given, when they’d offered her their friendship. It had been instinct to reject them, before they could reject her first. She’d been pushing people away her whole life. If she didn’t have anyone, then she couldn’t lose them. After her parents had died, it had been safer to think that she only needed her grandmother, that it was the two of them against the world. Look how well that had turned out.
She saw every conversation she’d had with Norma in a new light now. Norma had isolated Harriet, making her dependent on their home life, telling her to stay away from other people, who would use her for their own interests.
Her gran abused her. She’d been denying it for years. Harriet had been fixated on her gran, not because she loved her, but because she was afraid of her – and even more terrified of ending up like her.
If her life didn’t revolve around constantly negotiating her gran’s feelings, then who was she? She’d never even had the chance to find out.
Leah, Rima, Felix and Kasper were lucky to be together. That was what she wanted now, more than anything. Friends. People she could trust to guide her into doing what was right. To back her up when she couldn’t manage on her own.